Little-bits-of-Random

Sometimes it really is the little things in life....

2012-02-11T11:53:00.000-08:00

So, O.K. I confess, I love Pizza! I know in terms of health benefits it is not the healthiest choice, but, well if the US congress can justify pizza sauce as a vegetable, hen really can it be that bad for you? Mocking aside, I love pizza in almost any form. My Grandma used to make a fruit pizza that was yummy for sure. I have a recipe for chocolate pizza that is fun and easy and also yummy, however my fave is still the standard thick crust, tomato sauce variety. Oh the topping combinations are endless, so really it is never the same pie twice.
Until it comes to left overs, it may be the same pie, but it is never quite the same the second day. That was until today, no more microwave reheat for me, and putting it in the oven always takes too long. Well low and behold, you can get crispy, right out of the pizza oven goodness, from your fry pan. Thanks to Pinterest, for the awesome hint.
Dry frying pan, medium heat, pizza, covered for 3 - 5 min = glorious crispy crust and ooey, gooey cheesy goodness on top. Pizza left overs will never be the same again.
Now the question is, do I share this with my family (who I know do not read here) or just let them figure it out for themselves and leave more left overs for me.

The imagination gift.

2012-02-10T11:33:00.000-08:00

"Di where do you buy imagination?"
      "Hmm, Miss B you to not buy imagination, it's a gift."
"Oh, but I want to buy some more."
      "Sorry babe, you just can not... but you can make the most of the imagination that you already have"
"But how do I get more then?"
       "God gives you more when you use what you have, why don't you go play with the doll people""
"Sure o.k. I am going to make them buy some imagination, just pretend o.k."
     " You do that..."

This girl makes me smile. I love these short conversations with the 3 year old I look after part time. One can learn so much if you just listen.   Things we loose as we grow up, imagination, and the willingness to try most things without worry about what others think. Imagination, creativity, acceptance and love are all so pure when looking through the eyes of childhood. Growing up is so over rated, we loose so much of what makes this world so good.

I am certainly not saying I want to go back, because certain things about childhood, those things that rob us of that purity and acceptance are not something I would ever want to relive. I am thankful for my child hood, all the ups and downs that made it the ride that it was, for it is that ride that made me the woman I am today.

The sweet imagination of a child, it truly is a gift. One that should be nurtured and encouraged, one that I truly enjoy watching in full swing. Boxes that become stoves, trains, drums, fireman hats and who knows what next just let your imagination be your guide.

Have fun and use your imagination today....

Dear Niger....

2011-10-15T11:53:00.000-07:00

Oh how you are ingrained into my heart. I left your sandy roads three weeks ago tomorrow, and every day since have thought of you. I have tried to process my visit, to figure out how to share, what to say, what to show. You are so different from home, from all things familiar. How do I explain, how my time with you changed me, how deep the impression you made on my heart. I have been at a loss for words, but yet know I have to come up with some, then it hit me, words.

2 or 3 days after I was home a friend asked me for one word to sum up my experience and I came up with HUMBLING. So why not one word to match one experience, that will work. Over the next few days I will do just that, match one word with one experience.

FUN relaxing creative FRUSTRATING

Humorous startling Rewarding

sights sounds

one thing for sure it was all uniquely African! Niger, I will ever be thankful for our time together and I look forward to the next time. Thank you for sharing yourself, each and every experience, but most of all thank you for sharing your people, they are forever and always in my heart.

One word....

2011-09-30T21:00:00.000-07:00

I was asked yesterday by a friend to sum up my trip in one word.

One word? Seriously?

Try it, one word to sum up the last month of your life.

It is not easy! I did manage to find one word to sum up this experience that took me from home, for almost a month, to the other side of the globe, via 4 different airports, 6 planes, several time zones, way too many languages to count, to a totally different culture, HOT climate, to work with people you have never met, to see one of your best friends on her turf, to do things you have never done, eat things you have never eaten, and just plain a long way from home...... One word.... HUMBLING

I live in a country listed as one of the richest in the world, with listings as the best cities in the world to live in. Yet all around I see discontent, people wanting the next newest this or that, not really sure of what is of real value. A country where many people do not know their neighbours, where family is not valued as it should be. A country with more options for groceries than we truly need, with soil that will grow almost anything, and a climate that makes it possible.

I visit a country listed 3rd from the bottom of UN's human development list , the people have next to nothing, the streets are littered with garbage, goats, cows, sheep and young children roam the streets at all hours, a country where people rarely have the opportunity to travel, where even basic education is a luxury. Goods are available on every street corner, but funds to purchase such goods is scarce. However in the midst of this extreme poverty the people are gracious, kind and generous. Family is valued and communities are depended upon. They have joy. in the midst of it all. Experiencing and being on the receiving end of that was truly HUMBLING!
I will never be the same after Africa......

The girls.... MY Girl!

2011-09-30T11:29:00.001-07:00

I have left a smattering of heart pieces all over the city of Niamey, Niger, West Africa, that is no surprise as part of it was already there. About a year ago I was asked if I would like to be a prayer partner for one of the girls attending the Niger Vocational Training School (NVOC for short) and I accepted. I received an email containing a photo and a brief blurb about MY GIRL, her life in etc. So for the past year, I have prayed, for health, happiness despite hardship, that she would be a good student, that her family would have food to eat, and her parents would have work. I have prayed extra hard that she would follow through on her commitment to the school, and complete the 2 years, and NOT marry. I have prayed that she would discover her worth as a young woman, and that she would not believe that the only worth she has as a young woman is when she marries and has babies as is the custom in the area.

I prayed for this somber faced girl who looked so serious and almost sad, and when I met her she was none of the above. Zeina is full of life, a little cheeky, laughs easily and later in the week poked fun at me. She takes charge and works hard, sometimes getting in others way while doing so. What a blessing to be able to meet her in person and to invest in her life up close and in person. On our last day there she came into the classroom and gave me a little hug, this was HUGE, hugging is not something that is done in their culture, and for her to take the first step was way out of her comfort zone. I love this girl, she has one of the fragments of my heart for sure, she had my heart even before I arrived there. I continue to pray, now I pray that the time I spent with her would be something she values as well.

Home since Monday

2011-09-30T10:20:00.000-07:00

4 days home, and I miss Africa. I miss the people I met, I miss learning and seeing new things, I miss being able to help, I miss the energy of the girls, I just miss it. I guess what 'they' say is true, you either love Africa or you hate Africa! Don't get me wrong, I am happy to be home to all that is familiar, to my family & my friends, to my life here, but processing the whole trip is tough. Finding perspective when I have been, only by luck of the draw, born into one of the richest nations in the world, and my new friends, by that same luck of the draw, have been born into one of the poorest. Where is fair in that?

That is where my head is at processing all the things I saw, heard, learned and experienced. This trip was so rich, there is so much to share, I had hoped to be able to write more while I was there, but I was too busy living the experience. So now I will write in retrospect, picking pieces from my journal, adding a few of the 1000+ photos & fill you in on all of the adventures. I hope you enjoy it just the same.

First impressions....

2011-09-27T20:28:00.000-07:00

Here are just a few of the sights

Can you tell who has the right of way?

Visitor at breakfast - thankfully outside the screened in porch

Garbage piles everywhere, crazy huge piles. People

living by them, scrounging in them & goats & sheep

eating from them.

Street market.
Typical African road -
hard packed, washboard,
sandy streets.

Working with my first set of girls. What an amazing
privilege to be here and share this time with them.

Do you hear what I hear

2011-09-13T14:27:00.000-07:00

What I hear when I just sit and listen....

Languages I do not understand

Car horns

Children playing in the streets

Babies crying

Doves cooing

Goats or sheep blatting

Donkey's braying

Cows mooing

Roosters & chickens

My dear friend chatting.... Oh how I love having the chance to be at her house having a chance to visit, to hear her world. To share breakfast on her screen porch and just simply listen.

2011-09-11T08:43:00.000-07:00

A strange thing happened on the way to London.... they lost a terminal. Wel,l I guess they did not loose it, but demolished it instead... the terminal I had listed for my flight to Morocco, is no where to be found. So the question is now where to go? Thanks to the very helpful Heathrow volunteer I found where I was supposed to go only to find that I can not check in untill 3 hours before my flight, which is 6 hours from now.

The other thing I noticed that flights do not get assigned a gate until 2 hours before a flight. I am told this is a security procedure. Makes sense I am guessing, cuts down on bad things happening to big planes... less time to plan, that works for me.

So here I sit... watching people, listening to babies cry and wondering where the other 2 gals who will be on the flight to Morocco are. Given lack of gate number I guess we will not be getting to know each other in the 6 hours of waiting.... So goes the adventure.

I am here in London safe and sound. So it's all good.

Oh and on a side note the people watching is great... so is my chex mix!

P.S. I did eventually meet up with the other 3 gals that shared the flight to Morrocco. 2 by random walk by, the third had smartly plunked her self down in a coffee shop, knowing that in all likely hood others would opt for food at some point.

The best layed plans. . . .

2011-09-07T17:02:00.000-07:00

Life never seems to happen as planned, however it always seems to work out.

I had planned to leave home at 2:00, go and get Royd from work then head out to the airport. In reality I spent spent the 20 min past 2:00 looking for some papers I needed to bring with me.. UGH.. I need a better filing system than my dining room table. Thankfully, I had printed duplicates, that I did find, and I can write in the car -I filled them all in AGAIN and it all worked out. Traffic was light, and my hubby never drives slower than the speed limit, in the end I arrived at the airport only 15 min schedule. It all works out. I should know this, and relax a little but I get worked up at myself and have conversations in my head about how I need to be better organized, how I should have had all the things I needed in one place blah blah blah.... Yes I talk to my self, no it does not really do much good.

The longest line I have stood in today was for coffee, and that was only 2 deep. That would include the bathroom and all check in lines. Things are working out just fine. Boarding calls have started, but I am not travelling with young children, or in need of assistance, however I must add that needing rubber gloves to put on socks, had me wondering if I might just need some help. I hope that the socks help keep the swelling down, I will be a happy camper....

Now I am wandering YVR looking for this guy who is living at the airport for the next couple of months - My adventure has officially begun!

Watch your......

2011-09-04T09:45:00.000-07:00

I just read this on another blog and was hit with the enormous truth of it.
We truly do have control of our destiny and it starts in the small recesses of our brain, it is my prayer that my thoughts would be worthy of my destiny.

Watch your thoughts they become your words
Watch your words- they become your actions
Watch you actions-they become your habits
Watch your habits-they become your character
Watch your character it becomes your destiny

May that be your prayer as well.
Have a great Sunday
Di

September 1st..... big changes in our house.

2011-09-01T22:25:00.000-07:00

With the modern advancement of digital TV we are now living in the truly dark ages. As of August 31st we no longer have ANY TV in our house. Yes we still have the box, which will remain as a Movie viewer, but there is no longer any stations being fed into our home. It all happened before our very eyes, one minute we were watching something, the next we were watching snow fuzzies.... and so ends the era of our 2 free stations. For our entire married life (coming up 24 years) we have only had cable for 18 months and only then because it was included in the rent. I think that there were several months there where we did not have a viewing device either... so knock that down to about 12 months. Our first viewing device was a 13 inch black and white number complete with rabbit ears and get this.... manual controls. Not a remote in sight, we actually had to get out of our chair to turn the dials. Ah the good old days.

We have survived, and will continue to survive I know that to some this would be suicide, but we will make the best of it until such a time we change our minds. Or buy a TV that will give us a few free digital channels.
Thankfully we have just a few movies around when the mood stirkes.

Are we alone in this or are there others of you out there who are now the proud owners of a simple movie viewing device?

Exciting day all around....

2011-08-09T21:50:00.000-07:00

I have my ticket in my hot little hands.  I have the required items for my "new" wardrobe, Niger is predominantly a Muslim country, so ankle length skirts are a must, as is a head covering anytime we are in public. I added 2 new to me skirts to the wardrobe yesterday for a whopping total of $8.00, Abbotsford has much better second hand prices than here in the lower mainland. Reality is setting in, up until this point I have been excited, BUT have not allowed myself to get really EXCITED... I am starting to get REALLY excited.

I have had lots of people ask lots of questions or make comments that require a response. So I am going to attempt to answer a few of those here....

Lets start with the basics
How long will you be gone?
I leave on September 7th and will be back on Canadian soil on the 26th. That is a total of 19 days.

How many hours of travel?
I leave here at 1755 (5:55) on the 7th, and arrive in Niamey Sept 9th at 445 (4:45 AM) Via London and Casablanca, Morocco. Sounds exotic, however I am sure that after that many hours I will be totally bagged and ready for solid ground.

What will your family do with out you?
This is not the first time they have been without me. However 7 days is the longest stint. This is slightly longer than that. I have no doubt that they will survive quite well. We are working on menu plans, they are all very capable of Laundry and dishes and the daily running of things. With a little planning I am sure things will run smoothly. A new alarm clock may be needed, but that is minor. I will miss them it is true and I hope they will miss me, however we will all survive and have stories to tell when we are together again.

How many are going with you?
No one I know first hand - but the team going consists of 7 women. I am the only one going from B.C., the rest are from Alberta. I already consider them new friends, the fact that we all have the desire to go and work with these girls gives us common ground upon which to grow strong friendships.  My Grandma had a plaque that hung in her kitchen and it now hangs in mine it reads

Make new friends, But keep the old

For one is Silver the other Gold.

I have found this to be very true through all aspects of life, especially with things like this.

Are you nervous to travel alone all that way?
Knowing that there will be a familiar face at the end of the journey helps tons. However this is not the first time I have travelled alone, I love all aspects of it, the anticipation, flying, even sitting at airports. Airports are the very best place to people watch, well that and the P.N.E. The first time I headed out alone, I was 17 and heading to Australia. (that is a story for another time). For the most part I am not worried about the getting there or the coming home, when there is only myself to be concerned with it is fairly easy.

I will only be alone for a short time. The travel agent told me yesterday that I arrive in London 2 hours before some of the girls from Alberta, then from there we will all be on the same flights through to Niger.  I will not be alone in any of the new unfamiliar airports. Which means I will not have to eat alone on the lay overs. That is always a plus.

One sweet soul at church told me I am so brave and that she could never do that. My response to her was, it is all part of the adventure, to which she responded - "still, your either crazy or brave, I am going with brave." Bless her heart. However I think most would side with crazy.

How are you funding this?
For the most part this is an out of pocket expense. I am grateful for work over the summer months that has certainly helped in this.   I have been working on a few items to sell where the profits will go directly to the school (I am hoping to have some photos up very soon of these items). In addition to that I am very grateful for supportive friends and family members, who see the need to educate young women to break the cycle of early marriage, who trust me and have given funds directly to me in order to make this possible. For those who have specifically asked, if you would like to donate, please send gifts directly to me. Words can not express adequately how thankful I am, it is a humbling experience to have people give in this way. I will ever be grateful.

What sorts of things are you going to take with you for the girls at the school?
I have asked that question to Chantelle

What sort of things are you worried about?
I am not one to worry much.  However I am concerned about the heat. For the most part I do not do well in the heat, heat stroke is a strong possibility, but knowing this and being prepared - drinking lots of water will be key. I have to trust that I will survive. I am praying that my body will adjust and that there will not be too many issues.

There is the aspect of unknown cultural differences that will be a challenge. One that I know of is that being left handed I will be challenged when eating with the locals. In Africa the left hand is considered the 'dirty hand' and when sharing a communal plate it is VERY offensive to eat with your left hand.... YIKES, 45+ years of eating with my left I could be in trouble. I will be sitting on my hand with someone sitting next to me to give me a good elbow, hopefully this will work. The last thing I want to do is offend someone because I am ignorant.

Language will be an issue, they speak French and a variety of tribal languages. Let's just say my French is limited and leave it at that. I am sure I will be very grateful for those who are gifted translators. It will be interesting to see how much I pick up in 3 weeks.

One thing I know for sure is this will be an experience I will never forget, and there will be amazing stories to tell along the way.

It IS a small world after all....

2011-08-05T00:10:00.000-07:00

(so do you have the tune in your head? te he he, sorry!)

A LONG time ago I was part of a circle journal group and the topic I chose was "It's a small world" - I loved hearing the participants small world stories. My own story was one that happened while I was in Australia in 1982. I was riding on a train and a girl walked past that had a Canadian flag patch on her back pack, I stopped her and asked where home was etc. To make a long story short, it turned out that she was from North Vancouver and lived in the building that my Grandmother manages. Small world indeed! I find it happens often if you are willing to talk to people and ask some questions and take the time to hear their stories. Six degrees of separation often applies.

Last night was no exception - We were at a BBQ at our pastors home. The gathering was taking place to meet a fellow from Cuba who is travelling and speaking through Canada this summer. It is a rare thing to be able to hear first hand since for many Cubans international travel is near to impossible. There were several people there from our church, and a few others that had come because they had heard that Yoel was going to be there. I love how pieces of puzzles work together, simply because we open our mouths. (O.K. for those of you who know me well, you will know that I put my foot in my mouth often too. Fortunately this was NOT one of those times) One couple that came are visiting the Lower Mainland from Fort St John.
I pipe up with.. Oh you live in FT. St. John.. do you know.....
Sure enough they do, 1 degree of separation. Small world indeed!
I love that when connection can be made that make people feel at ease instantly. A new friendship is forged. God is good like that.
As we continue to talk and get to know each other, my up coming trip to Africa comes up. Your going to Africa... where? Niger, how cool, do you know Lisa.. , um, yes, I will be staying with her, she is one of my most favouritest people in the whole wild world (yes I do mean wild....) Turns out that this new friend had my dearest friend stay in her home the last 2 times she was in Fort St. John.

It truly is a Small world after all! I love it. I love finding that connection, I love hearing stories, I love how God brings all these seemingly little things together.

And just in case you have forgotten the song... here you go enjoy.

Getting shot and the reaction that followed

2011-07-30T00:05:00.000-07:00

Niamey Niger West Africa - Not to be confused with Nigeria
Niger borders Nigeria on the North is the largest Nation in West Africa.
Ranked #167 out of 169 rated countries on the 2010 UN's Human development index.
(Canada ranks # 8)

Simply put Niger is second from the bottom of poorest places in the world to live.
The average number of years people attend school is 1.4 (expected years = 4.3)
(Canadian average is 11.5 (expected years = 16))
Average life expectancy at birth is 52 years
(Canadian 81 years)

And this will be home for 3 weeks - And I am excited to go live in this sub-sahara desert region. That being so, there are several precautions I need to take to ensure optimal health while I am there and when I return home. Simply put I had to get shot... 345$ later I should be healthy as a horse while I am there. I am covered for...
Yellow Fever (must have this or you will not be allowed to enter the country)
Booster of Polio, Measles, Mumps and Rubella
Typhoid (oral to take 1 week before departure)
Hep A & B
And anti Malaria meds for when I am there & when I get home.
Thankfully my Tetanus is up to date but of course I would be one of the 5% who have a reaction to the shots. For 2 days after I was poked I felt off, then the bumps showed up, they were itchy little bumps too & there were TONS of them everywhere. So not cool, esp when they last a whole week, the worst was the little bump under the nail of my pinkie finger. You really do not appreciate your pinkie until it is out of the game due to injury.
Praying that the orals I have to take closer to departure will not have any lingering affects, I certainly do not want to fly feeling less than 100%. I am a little apprehensive, the last time I had a Typhoid vaccine I was so out of it I fell asleep at a concert - nice date I was- that would suck if I had to fly sick.

How it all came to be.....

2011-07-29T00:03:00.000-07:00

One of my most favorite people in the whole wide world lives and works in Niger, each time Lisa is home we talk about the "one day" when I will come and visit her at her house. First it was her African home in Benin, then she moved to Niger so our "dreaming" was about visiting there - Thinking ONE DAY.... likely a day far off when my girls were all done with school, self supporting and independent, then maybe we would make the trip. ONE DAY was a far off & distant dream, never in my wildest dreams did I imagine I would be going this soon, or going alone, without my husband - funny thing is that God had that planned right from the beginning.....

Four years ago our church was planning a missions Trip to Cuba.... I was interested in going. Cuba would be cool, I had never been and I would love to go help the people there in what ever way I could. They had just been hit with some very serious hurricanes, I am good in emergency situations, and am willing to work, I could be useful in that situation. I attended the information meeting feeling hopeful, then left that meeting kind of sad. The dates they were planning on going would not work for me as I would be recovering from surgery at that time. That was Cuba trip #1 - down and out of the question for me.

The next year Cuba trip #2 was being planned, I thought, great another opportunity to go and serve. I went to the information meeting knowing that my health was good, that there were no surgeries on the horizon, the dates could work, maybe this year was my year to go.... Nope, God made it pretty clear that Royd was to go, so I would be staying home with the girls. Cuba trip #2 - down and out for another year for me.

Late last year the plans were in the works for Cuba trip #3 - surely this would be a good year for me to go. As I was praying, I kept getting this impression of Africa, my initial thoughts were... Yes, one day I would LOVE to go to Africa, but right now Cuba is the opportunity at hand, it sounded good to me. Africa came back to my mind again and again. I kept thinking Cuba, I am willing to go, I want to go. Then Royd came and said, I think I should be going back to Cuba and I kept thinking of Africa.... O.K. I get it God. Royd is going to Cuba and I have to wait and one day I will go to Africa. Cuba trip #3 - 3 strikes and I am really out this time.

At first I was a little ticked, I was willing to go, but it seemed that God had plans for others to go that did not include me....I admit I pouted inwardly about that for a little while, I can throw a pretty good pity party when I let myself.  I really wanted to go, to meet the people Royd had met the previous year, to see the sights I had heard about, sigh, it simply was not meant to be. Then I really started to think about the 3 no go's to Cuba and the whispers of Africa - and finally I said, o.k. God do you want me to go to Africa? Once I stilled and truly asked what the Africa impressions were all about, I got it - God wanted me to go to Africa. I just did not know when and to do what, but I was willing, whenever that happened to be, to go. Still thinking several years down the road.

Within days, of me saying to God "I get it" I received an email from Chantelle, the director of the Niger Girls at Risk School. Chantelle was extending an invitation to come to Africa and help her and her team with some extra projects at school with the girls before the school year officially starts. She was looking for women to come to Africa to help teach sewing classes / projects for 2 - 3 weeks in September.   It was like a little light came on and I could see the sign on the wall that said... "see daughter I had something planned all along, something tailored just for you" Africa, a dream come true, needs that fit within my skill set, with girls the same age as my own, at the school where I have been paired up to pray for one of the students for the past year. The pieces of the puzzle were falling into place, the timing and 3 strike outs with Cuba made sense now. I was going to Africa..... it took a bit for it to sink in but I am going to AFRICA... it still seems a little surreal, it is how God works things out and grants us the desires of our hearts beyond what we could ever imagine.
I am AFRICA bound.....

Dreams come true.... AFRICA here I come

2011-07-28T00:31:00.000-07:00

I remember the exact moment in 6th grade, when the travel bug hit. I was sitting listening to Tawney Owl (my brownie leader, yes that is really what we called her) talk about being born in Australia and the wonders of her homeland - I can see exactly where I was sitting, what I was wearing, what photos she was showing. I knew there & then that one of my life goals would be to visit this amazing land I was hearing about.

That dream came true in 1982, the year I graduated. It was during that adventure that my desire to travel was ingrained in the core of my being. I love everything about it, anticipating, packing, having a passport, long car rides, long bus rides, airports (best place ever to people watch), flying, all of it is fascinating to me...not to mention, new places, new people, new foods, sights, sounds, it is all exciting.

I started dreaming of places I would love to visit.... Newfoundland & PEI, Rocky Mountains (done, Canada & USA) , Swiss Alps, Israel, Spain, Africa (planning stages), Paris (done), China, Norway, Italy, Antarctica... basically I decided way back then that I would pretty much go anywhere if the opportunity presented it's self.

I would love to be able to say that I have stepped foot on every continent & seen the 7 wonders of the world before I die... we will see if that ever comes to be, in the mean time I will go... I will take advantage of the opportunities presented and I will be thankful.

One such opportunity has presented it's self and I am jumping in with both feet and totally excited to be doing so. Early in September I will be boarding a plane and heading to Niger West Africa for 3 weeks. An opportunity of a life time and I am so totally amazed & excited that it is happening. I will be helping at the Niger Vocational Training School (Girls @ risk school) teaching sewing projects, and what ever else needs to be done. I can not wait!

Work continued, holidays happened.....

2011-07-27T00:23:00.000-07:00

A few days of work turned into a few more, then those few more turned into a few more, it's all good. I am certainly grateful as Summer is the perfect time for me to pick up some work. No worries about calls from school needing me to be there ASAP to pick up, take home or to doctors. It's all good, BUT blogging gets sidetracked, life happens and is happening there is much to tell but time seems to be at a premium. I miss writing, I miss blogging. My mind still runs a mile a minute with TONS of ideas to blog about, I just never get here to put it down.

So here is a nutshell version of the past few months...

June - Final Dance show of the year (Ashlynn's final dance show ever = a little sadness), school is out, July 1st Canada day celebration fast approaching, worked for a few days. Burnaby Farmers market starts, I sell KICS Lemonade, a few Saturdays. Got several shots in prep for Africa - reacted mildly,no surprise there, recovered, all is good. June flies by.

July - July 1st = Canada day celebration at Church = crazy insane time at our house for a few days. Worked some more, holidays come . . .
6 days spent with friends at their cottage at Shushwap lake = fun despite the lousy weather. We love spending time at the lake. We taught a few new games and played many rounds. Read lots, watched a few movies and did not let the lack of sunshine ruin the fun. Laughs, movies bad weather does not hinder our fun, only the swimming. My new swim suit did not get used. The up side of rainy weather = AMAZING rainbow. Sadly I was in the car at the time and my camera was back at the cottage, but you can trust me it was totally AMAZING, stretching from one side of the lake to the other in a vibrant colourful double arch. Spectacular!
Home for about 24 hours to do laundry and re-pack then pack the car, add a tent and a few other supplies and we are off for another 5 days. Creationfest Northwest 2011 here we come. Please God no rain.... it rained the first night AFTER we set up our tent and had it well tarped - this I can handle. The next day was slightly sprinkley then the sun burst out and shone for the rest of the festival. Perfect! Now we are back home, I am back at work, will be back at the Farmers Market this weekend, and life feels busy. I feel like I need another vacation and I have only been back for 2 days. July seems to have flown by as well.

My grandma was so right when she said, time flies faster when you get older. I knew she was one smart cookie!

Bad blogger...

2011-05-31T08:16:00.000-07:00

Or maybe I should say distracted blogger....

Life distractions -Coming up to the end of the school year, dance year. Spring cleaning.. or at least thinking about it, patio reno, gardening when the weather is co-operating. I have been working for a few weeks, that is about to end (that was the plan from the beginning so no worries there) Doctors visits - I have 3 active teens - this too shall pass, for now it seems the norm. Hubby was away for a week, I am looking seriously at a trip to Africa in a few months, friends in crisis, family and friends coming in and out of town.... Canada day is coming.... just a few distractions!

Blog distractions - I have been blogging here http://kicslemonade.blogspot.com/ It is market season again. This is a friends company, seriously the best lemonade! She asked for some marketing help so I am helping, as well as doing the Saturday Farmers Market in Burnaby every other week.

I have also been blogging here http://frugal-is-not-a-dirty-word.blogspot.com/ - This one is my baby, couponing has become a hobby of sorts. With the added benefit of saving us money, it has been a huge blessing in our lives. Not working full time I look for ways to cut corners and save some moula - this is one of the great ways I have managed to do so.

All of these things add up to not too much action here. I have plans to change that, it is not like I do not have things I want to write, I just find it hard to find the time. Next week when I am done work for now... then I will get my act together. I especially want to talk about Africa! SOOOOOO EXCITED!

I love living where we live...

2011-05-02T11:08:00.000-07:00

For the most part, I love living where we live, especially at this time of year. As the weather changes, and the cherry blossom trees are displaying their skirts of pink my neighbours start to come out of hibernation. Reconnecting with those we share walls and driveways with is one sure sign that spring has sprung.

We laugh often in our house, that the car that goes in and out of the drive way the most lives at the far end. We also have the oldest kids, meaning they are no longer of the age where they play "in the middle of the road" most of our neighbours have kids under the age of 10 so on any given day there can be almost a dozen kids out there "playing in the middle of the street" - They are like little robots when they see the big red van coming.. Jumping up, moving hockey nets, bikes, sidewalk chalk, sprinklers (well not quite yet), scooters, balls to name a few. Toys moved they stand aside and wave smiles on their faces, usually, and heave a sigh when I go past and they can pull out their toys once again. The funny thing is when it is one of those drop off pick up turn around sort of days, when just as the nets are back in place here I come from the other end, I do not seem to get as many smiles and waves then. Hmm wonder why?

The parents joke that I should send my household schedule out at the beginning of the week so they can schedule the times their kids are out in the street. LOL - it is all in good fun. Wonder what they will be saying this summer when we add 2 more drivers to the mix. The saving grace there will be that despite the fact their may be 4 drivers we still only have one vehicle.

All in a day's fun here.

Wishing I could do more....

2010-12-27T00:27:00.000-08:00

I LOVE roller coasters. I have been on too many to count. I have loved them from the first time I rode the Dragon Coaster at Playland I think I was 5 maybe 6, waving grandparents watching from the sidelines, all smiles, camera ready. Ever since, the roller coaster is my favourite, be they, steel, wooden, small, large, hilly, inverted, fast, slow, outside, inside, strapped in by the shoulders or just a simple bar, I love them all. The faster the better. All provide some thrill, excitement and lots of laughter. To say I have met a Roller Coaster I do not like would be an understatement, however this roller coaster called life sometimes leaves little to be desired.

True, it is full of ups and downs, thrills and laughter, however, sometimes you feel like you are strapped in by the shoulder and others, well, you feel like you are holding on for dear life with little restraint at all. Sometimes it just feels like the dips are too deep, the turns are too quick and just when you think you are coming into a smooth patch, you are jerked along again dipping and speeding .... with little response time. Sometimes you just want to stand by the side, camera ready, wave and smile. To just have a different perspective, a rest, a chance to catch your breath if you will.... Deep breath... a deep deep breath.

I am feeling a little like that right now, not so much my own life but that of friends, I want to help, to be able to reach out and offer a steady hand, or a platform in which they can stand on just to catch their breath. Sadly distance prevents that from happening, I offer support from a distance and that is good, BUT it is not the same as a shoulder to cry on or a hug, or the simple silence of a friend who is just there.
Prayer, a connection of faith, is the only thing outside of words that I can offer, and offer them I do, to the point of tears, wishing, praying hoping things today will be different. Hoping beyond hope that they will have a chance to come up for air, to breath in deeply. I wish I could do more but do not know where to start without stepping on toes and getting in the way. So I pray - trust that they will call when they know what they need, KNOWING that we will be there at the drop of a hat to do what is needed.

Birthday musings.....

2010-12-23T02:57:00.000-08:00

46 random facts should count as Little-Bits-of-Random don't you think?

1.   I had to do the math to figure out what birthday this was. 2010 - 1964. (kind of funny, but 46 is just a number to me... )
2.    I think Faith is a very key ingredient to a great life.
3.    I was delivered to my mom in a Christmas stocking.
4.    2 of my 3 daughters weighed the same as I did at birth
5.    I think that Peanut butter should be it's own food group!
6.    I like the dark hours of the day (well I guess that would be night...)
7.    I love sleeping in a tent when it is raining
8.    Christmas is my favorite time of year
9.    I LOVE to travel
10. That being said, I would go almost anywhere if I were given a ticket!
11.  I have dipped my toes in the Pacific ocean from the West coast of one country, and the East Coast of another.
12. Sauerkraut is one of the nastiest things that people call food. Sent shivers down my spine just typing that.
13. I received the same comment on almost every report card I received in elementary school. "Dianna needs to spend less time staring out the window and more time concentrating on her work in front of her"
14. I loved the 11 years that I co-owned the scrapbooking store, but I rarely miss it now. I miss the people, but not the daily store stuff for the most part.. some days yes.
15. I read every night before bed
16. I rarely talk on the phone without a pen and a piece of paper in my hand (there are scraps & doodling by every phone)
17. I collect snowmen - I hung almost 200 on the garland in my stair well this year.
18. The pull tabs on the Minute Maid frozen juice with the ones with a finger hole make me happy.
19. Salty over sweet most days.
20. My all time favorite Christmas movie is "It's a Wonderful Life"
21. We wrap gifts and watch the above movie every year on my birthday.
22. I can only recall one time receiving a combo birthday / Christmas gift. (well until this year, but that is o.k T it really is!)
23. I love the smell of a brand new book
24. Love Love Love walking beside the open ocean
25. I with the help of some great Doc's and God's healing hand.... kicked breast cancer to the curb
26. Yes, I do dye my hair
27. Disneyland is one of my happy places.
28. Silver over Gold
29. I have made snow-angels in the snow (in my bathing suit)
30. I like to shoot people with my Canon
31. I rarely dream at night.. daydreaming is another story see....#13
32. Long road trips with 3 kids ARE FUN, I look forward to them and treasure the ones of the past.
33. I have laughed so hard at my kids that stuff has come out my nose
34. Walking on the beach is one of my favorite things to do
35.   Bath over a shower any day, preferably with bubbles
36. I am a self professed chocolate snob - dark baby!
37. I believe that laughter is truly the best medicine... Laughing every day is a goal
38. I can get lost online reading blogs and looking at photography sites...
39. I may not dream, but I have been known to sleep walk and wake up in a closet
40. Was the best birthday party ever... Rollerskating with 100+ friends and family members- SO MUCH FUN!
41. I have slept under the stars
42. My most favorite piece of Jewelry is my charm bracelet - so many stories.. so many memories
43. I really like red shoes but sadly only own one pair (might need to change that this year!)
44. I am blessed to have many friends near and far. I may not see them often, but we can pick up where we left off and go from there, no questions asked...
45. Is how old I thought I was until I actually did the math.. Man that year went by in the blink of a calculator flash.
46. I actually like making lists like this. It does not start with "TO DO TODAY"

So there you have it 46 slightly random things you may or may not know about me...
One more.. Today was a great birthday, and that flash of a year was great too.. No regrets!

What's his is more mine than mine is.....

2010-12-22T02:56:00.000-08:00

It's true. Royd's extended family is more my family than my own extended family. I suppose that distance, different views of life, divorce, adoption, and in the extreme case not even knowing we had extended family on mom's side all add up to cousins who I rarely see or have anything in common with.

My dad is one of 3 boys. Bob, did not have any children. Larry, has 7 and the last time I saw more than one of them was at Grandma's memorial service - 12 years ago. Gulp! I do have one cousin that I keep in random contact via Facebook, he is likely the only one who would recognize me if we passed on the street. However it is a contact in the case of family emergency... Sad, yup, but that is the reality in the world of the Rogers boys. My mom, well that is a long story and you can read more about that here. Suffice to say, I have more cousins on that side than I even knew existed before 2008.

Royd's family on the other hand feels like how I always imagined family should be. Certainly not perfect, and there is certainly some disconnect there as well, however the ties that bind are much tighter. Royd's dad is one of 10. Royd is one of 30 grandchildren, 15 boys & 15 girls. When Ashlynn was born I think we calculated that she was the 30th great grand child - since then that generation has exploded and I have lost track. Last weekend as many who could make it gathered for a Christmas get together, it was a loud, happy, joyous affair. By Hilstad standards there were very few there (33 I think) but those who were not there were certainly there in spirit, talked about (in a good way), remembered and cherished.

I remember my first ever Christmas gathering, there must have been 50 or more gathered in Art's house (Royd's dad's). To say I was overwhelmed was an understatement. At the time Royd and I were 'just friends' truly, and honestly 'just friends' good friends albeit, but just friends. I was feeling a little shy and just wanted to observe. That did not matter to the aunts and uncles... I was as good as married to the guy - after all at 20ish he had never brought another girl to the shin dig, grandpa & grandma loved me, and I sassed a few of them back (in a most playful polite sort of way)... I was invited back the next year by Uncle Larry then and there. I am sure that Royd had not thought that far in advance. To say the least I was welcomed into the fold and totally engulfed by the love that is this family. 20 some odd years later, it truly is more my family than my own is. And you know what that is o.k. my family is what it is and I am happy to embrace my husbands extended family in the same way they have embraced me. I am glad for my girls, that they can be a part of it knowing that they have a place to belong, aunts & uncles who look forward to seeing how much they have grown each year. Cousins, to play games with, tease and interact with or little ones to entertain. This is what family is supposed to be. Even if there are months or years between visits.. you pick up where you left off, give a hug and in the Hilstad family, grab a coffee and a piece of Lefsa and settle in for a good visit. Looking forward to this summer when we will gather for an Aunt & Uncle's 50th anniversary - now that will be a party! Watch out Saskatchewan the Hilstads are coming......

I think often....

2010-12-13T10:30:00.000-08:00

about blogging, I have ideas constantly running amok in my head. Sometimes I even start to write and do not finish. Or I start with just a title in hopes I will return to put the thoughts down. Sigh... what is it that they say about the road of good intentions.... Oh, I just went to look for that quote not sure I like it now, however maybe there is humor in it....

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions"

Good thing I am pretty clear on how to avoid the road to hell. That however is a post for a different time. Earlier today I was looking at my list of posts since I started blogging and realized that I have a lengthy list of "drafts" posts started but not returned to... it was actually quite entertaining to read so I thought hmm, what a great thing to just list here, just in case I need inspiration in the future.

Here it goes:

I confess...

Relay

Breaking the Chains

What a difference a day makes

Time to breathe

What a week

Down to the Crunch

One week away

Choices

Life with 3 teenage girls

Dates, changes & life in general

One day you blink & so much time has passed

There are times when

This is my life

We are all just one decision away from Stupid

There you have it my list of good intentions. When I read the list I have to confess, some I have no clue what was running through my brain, on others I thought .. Oh shoot that would have been great, and yet on others I really do need to go and revisit and actually put the thoughts down.

Oh and then there is the one rolling around in my head right now, it needs photos, and I have to get those onto the computer then it will get written

"What's His is more MINE than mine is......"

So for today I sign off, and I will not walk the road to hell, I will blog the above mentioned story VERY soon!

Who knew????

2010-11-21T00:39:00.000-08:00

There is such a thing as WORLD TOILET DAY

Certainly not I.

Nor did I know that I missed it!

November 19th of each year.

I do however understand the need for awareness.

http://www.worldtoilet.org/wtd/understand.asp

2.6 Billion people in this world do not have access to proper sanitation

We here in North America are fortunate, and in most cases we have no clue what those in underdeveloped nations face.

I am all for WORLD TOILET DAY, for making me more aware of the plight that many live in.

Privileged, beyond measure

2010-10-18T12:03:00.000-07:00

I have been blog silent for a few weeks, not because of lack of things to post, simply because the words would not come. This is what has been pacing back and forth across my brain the past few weeks. Hard things to grapple with, hard things to write about, important things to share...

On Friday October 1, 2010 a friend and I boarded a B.C. Ferry to head to Campbell River. Not a pleasure cruise by any stretch of the imagination, leave on an 8 am, return at 11:20pm, home after midnight. Travel up island about 2 hours, attend the service, mingle, then return to the ferry terminal, journey home, it was a very long day in deed. A very draining day, both emotionally and physically but a very privileged day. A day to stand beside friends in their grief, to support, to love and hopefully by merely just being THERE encourage just a little. A day I will not regret ever!

Cancer - oh how I hate you, oh how the mere mention of your name sends shivers down my spine, tears well up and my stomach knots. As much as I hate to say it you won again... I have no choice, you stole precious life, sucked a mommy from her kids and a wife from the arms of her adoring husband. The hurt is deep, the journey to recovery long. When will you stop? It has to stop!

Cancer may have won this battle, but Victory was sweet in a life well lived, well loved and well blessed. I did not know Sandy that well face to face but learned to love her via her blog. Her husband is a long ago friend from our college and career days at church, her brother & sister in law some of our dearest friends "aunt & uncle" to my kids. Our paths did not cross often, but the connections are there, the connections are deep, the pain is there, the pain is deep. Sandy and I were first diagnosed with in the same year, different forms, different areas of our bodies, very different treatment plans, sadly very different outcomes. In all honesty I feel a little guilty, why do some survive and others succumb? So not fair.

An insert in the service bulletin asked us to write our first memory, or a fond memory of Sandy. What a great idea, what a great treasure for her family for many years to come. As I sat thinking of what to write, or even what my first memory was, I recalled...

My first job out of high school was at a Christian book store in Burnaby, a 30 - 40 min bus ride from home. Almost daily about 2/3 into my trip, a red headed girl would get on, we would smile and just recognize that we were route regulars. For months, she would get on we would smile, I would go back to reading my book and she would pull out hers. There is something comforting in the familiar. Then one day at a college and career function there she was with her boyfriend... we looked at each other and smiled, then started to laugh - and introduced ourselves. Surprising those there with the instant connection. We now had names to put with the faces we saw almost daily. That boyfriend became her husband several months later and they moved away. It is a small world, one never quite knows how the pieces of the puzzle are going to fit together, or how many degree's of separation there truly are, and it never ceases to amaze me how it does.

My heart broke as we sat and her 11 year old son's sobs could be heard through the 100' & 100's & 100's of guests present. Then rejoiced as her 8 year old daughter got up and danced, then later sang with her grade 3 class songs about heaven. Family, long time friends & students spoke of a life well lived, a heart that loved God above all and her family next to none. Of a woman who loved words, music and the arts but most of all loved to share a good meal and laugh with friends. Privileged were those who knew her face to face, as well as I who have known her from afar. Rest in peace Sandy. May you enjoy many days of dancing and singing and much good food, free of pain, free of illness free to be you! We know you are there getting the party ready for that day we are all there to enjoy it with you.

Confession is good for the soul... right?

2010-10-06T09:57:00.000-07:00

Well, here goes nothing. Apparently I am a little daft when it comes to the dashboard lights on the new van. My daughter would say, I am not the brightest bulb in the string. (or on the dashboard in this case!)Sigh, it would appear to be true.

Here is the story.

Monday night I was out, and a light came on in the van. One that I had seen but not recalled what it was. I decided that I would deal with it in the morning, in the day light. After all, nothing was blinking or beeping - both sure signs in this van that something is seriously wrong. We had dealt with that problem the day before, thankfully it was just hungry, and some70$ later worth of fuel the blinking and beeping stopped.

No the new light looked like this....

Well, on the dash board the image is much smaller and the bottom of the image does not look like tire treads or I might have clued in. (Or MAYBE if I had already filled the prescription for my BIFOCALS, another story for another time, I would have noticed... made the connection! I mean Duh. right?) Thankfully the manual that comes with the van is so easy to read, understand, even if you have to go from page 263 to 2 other pages just to find the picture. Really, I do know that correct tire pressure will provide the optimal performance of your vehicle, just show me the pictures. Once again.. Duh. But what is the optimal tire pressure? I have to read 2 more pages to learn that there is a sticker on the "b" frame of the driver's side. What the heck...What "b"frame? driver's side I know, but "b" frame???? Oh, you mean the sticker that is just above the door latch.. Why not just say the sticker inside the door frame. Again, if I had above mentioned Bifocals, I would have had much more success reading said sticker. Once my eyes adjusted, I figured it out. Pictures and all.

I have now figured out that the tire pressure is off.. here is where the truly bright light bulb moment comes..... We all know that there are multiple lights on a dashboard, and for the most part they only light up when there is a problem, or when you first start the engine. Please keep that in mind as you continue to read.

In my mind, if the van is so smart that it can tell you when your tire pressure is low, then it should be able to tell you which tire is low right? So in my not so bright moment.. I think.. oh, o.k. low tire pressure, front drivers side tire - as the light looked like it was for that side (think stove lights... 4 lights, 4 burners, 4 locations connected), truly it makes sense in my brain. Now I'm not totally useless, I do know how to put air in a tire, heck if needed I even know how to change a tire - not that I enjoy it, but I know how to do it and have had some practice.

Off to the gas station I go... I pull out the tire gauge, test the pressure of the tire, yup it is low, only at 30 psi, needs to be 36psi... so I add air. Good to go....

Into the car, start the van and drive off. Then a few minutes later the light comes on again. I think great, I picked up a nail or something so it is a slow leak and I will have to return to fill it more often, I can handle that... And I did, and the process repeated it's self. (same tire, different gas stations, thankfully!) So I go home and tell Royd of my adventures. His response.. um, Di, it is the rear driver's side tire that has the slow leak. Seriously?

Questions that came up,

When you went and put air in the front - did you think to check the pressure in the other tires? (um no - remember bright bulb right!)

How did you think that it was the front tire? (I explained the light theory.. it was all he could do not to erupt in gales of laughter!)

I then told him that I did add exactly 36psi to the front tire. Which he went out and checked.. yup you sure did, however it only needs to be 35 psi (apparently that is "standard" for most tires... whatever!) I know I know all above questions make total sense, well except to me at the moment who truly thought I was dealing with the issue at hand, trying to save my dear hubby from having to do so. Oh well, we (ehem.. I NOW KNOW) the issue is with the rear tire, and I should check all tires. However the front tire, which was low, is now filled to exactly 36 psi, which is what I read on the side panel sticker, honest that 5 really does look like a 6...um did I mention that I need bifocals?

Remembering.... and kicking some butt...

2010-09-29T11:33:00.001-07:00

Today friend posted would be happy birthday wishes to her momma on her Facebook page. I say would be because her momma WOULD have been 63 today had breast cancer not taken her years ago.

It reminds me to be thankful, thankful that my discovery of a little lump was taken seriously by my family doctor, that my appointment with the specialist took less than a week, that action was swift when it came to my treatment. My road to discovery and recovery was relatively quick , certainly much easier than some and a far cry from what it could have been. (if you want you can read more here & here)I was one of the "Lucky Ones". I will forever be thankful. I do not know why I was one of the lucky ones, and why others close have suffered so deeply. I may never know, but either will I take it for granted. I choose to be grateful, to continue on my journey forward despite the niggling almost always present little voice in my head that whispers... cancer... cancer... cancer you had it, it could come back. I refuse to live where that voice resides. I have to tell myself.. that was before I KICKED it in the butt, and was declared well. The mind games are tough.
My heart goes out to this friend, to other friends who have lost, mothers, fathers, children, spouses, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, in-laws, cousins and friends, to this nasty beast called cancer. Cancer knows no age limit, does not take into consideration,...well anything, it just hits and when it hits no matter how soft the blow it is a SUCKER PUNCH right to the gut. To those who are walking this road of uncertainty right now, my thoughts and prayers are with you. May your journey be short and your victory sweet.
All of this is especially fresh in my heart, September marks the anniversary of my surgery, but even more than that this year, this past week, we received news that a friend on the island has lost her battle. Last Friday she went to heaven into the waiting arms of Jesus and heard the words, well done my good and faithful servant. What started out as Colon cancer which was treated, was later re-diagnosed, it had spread to her liver and other organs. It was a hard battle, a long battle. May you rest in Peace Sandy, you fought a valiant battle, with courage and grace. My heart grieves for her husband and 2 young children - for them the journey is just beginning, and it will be long and at times very painful. My thoughts and prayers are with you all. Our paths do not cross often anymore, but my heart remembers, despite the distance and lifts you up in prayer. It is not fair, but it is life, I wish that cancer could be kicked in the butt once and for all. For the cure to be discovered and the whole nasty disease laid to rest... Good riddance you big bully.

In the mean time, October is National Breast Cancer awareness month, there are many things we can do to aid in finding a cure. This Sunday is the CIBC Run for a cure walk, run, donate. We can all do a little. Find a cure for one type and we are closer to a cure for all and kicking cancer to the curb once and for all.

If you can do nothing else... DO THIS ONE THING.. and do it TODAY.

Do a self breast exam , do it today, do it again in a week, do it again in a month, then again the month after that... Get to know your boobs. They feel different at different times of the month, sometimes even at different times of the day. Tell your doctor with ANY change you notice, they will be key in good breast health as well as if needed, working with you if there is something found. My lump showed up with in a month or I should say , it grew in a month to the point I could feel it. It only takes 3 min in the shower, really no time at all. THEN MAKE SURE you get your regular mammogram! A a few moments of pain is nothing compared to the options you might face if a lump is detected too late. Remember we live in a country where this is a service offered to women at no cost - it is a privilege that many in this world do not have access too. We are the fortunate ones! Make your appointment today - It could be the best thing you ever do for your self! (That was me gently kicking you in the butt... go out and get them squished!)

Conversations around here....

2010-09-28T09:16:00.001-07:00

I have 3 teenage daughters, saying that conversation is stilted would be very much an understatement. Topics of discussion range from the very practical, to the very obscure then there is one like this one that happened on the way to church the other day....

S "I had a dream about the Jonas Brothers last night"

(that brought a few chuckles and a very loud groan - I may have 3 female teens in the house, but Jonas Fever never really hit. and in one case there is a severe dislike of most things Jonas. They are deemed to be a LG band, and those who go all goo goo need their heads examined)

S "Yup they were knocking at the door then came in the house for a visit, we were all just sort of hanging out."

A "Eww.. where was I"

S "Hiding in your room"

A "Good"

T " Kind of random S, where did that come from..."

S "Don't know - it did seem a little odd"

T "Yup.. weird, so what else happened"
(there was a little more random back and forth... then...)
S " I do not remember that much more, but it went on for a bit...."

R " Ya S what happened.... "

(A little bit of silence......)
Then my straight faced, often quite, rarely sarcastic, husband out of the blue, pops out with....

"Really S what happened... or is it private..."

At which point we all erupted in gales of laughter..... and there were more groans and eww's and gross Daddy's coming from the back of the van.

Yup those are the kind of random conversations that happen around here all the time. 'Gotta love it.
I would not change a thing.
I am thankful that we can laugh together (not at each other but WITH each other)
I am glad for time in the van where conversation flows, however odd it can be at times.

This is one of the reasons I continue to pick up the girls after school. Sure they are old enough to make their way home, and that happens on occasion. However it is those few min in the van each day where I hear about what is happening at school, who likes who, who is partying too hard, who's parents are around or not, what happened in class, what homework needs to be done, who gives too much homework, who visited the liaison officer, the office, the counsellor. it is how I stay in the loop, and in high school that is much harder to do. I know that one day it will all come to an end.. all too soon I might add. So for now, I drive back and forth, and enjoy those moments each day and hide them in my heart. It is a rare treasure I would not trade.

Dear Mr. Spider

2010-09-26T08:58:00.000-07:00

It is that time of year again, when the outside world tries to enter my warm happy inside world. Not going to happen!

Dear Mr. Spider:

This is not your home. You are not welcome to visit or invade our personal space. We do not find it funny when you dangle in front of our faces. Neither is it humorous when you "jump" out from your hiding places and make us scream and scurry. This is our home, not yours.

I am sorry to have to evict you from the premises, you have not been a good tenant. You continually disrupt the peace, you meddle in our stuff, and make your bed in the oddest most hard to get at places that simply put, get in our way.

It is not our intention to disrupt your home each day when we exit each day. BUT your invisible threads across my face, neck and even in my mouth is unacceptable & unwelcome. I might also add a little gross.

We have tried a relocation project, found you a very nice tree far enough away that you should have been comfortable - you seem to have returned, or sent your relatives in protest. So we are sorry, at this point in time we have no choice..... You have to go, we wish it did not have to come to this, but enough is enough. We hope not to see you on our stoop ever again.

Sincerely,

The Hilstad's

Moral compass or lack there of....

2010-09-18T08:50:00.001-07:00

Some days you just have to wonder what this world is coming to. Today was a rare occasion, I picked up the newspaper and read something other than the obituaries or the comics. I usually find the news to depressing, but this story head line "Rave Rape Outrage" pulled me in, as I read I was thoroughly disturbed.

Maybe it is because I am a mother of 3 teenage daughters, maybe it is because of the horrid actions of others, and the inexplicable lack of actions on the part of others. Maybe it was because of the apparent lack of concern from those in attendance, some even laughing. All of the above apply. But it was the quote from one young man who wrote, "if you knew the whole story you would find it funny." I highly doubt it, there is NOTHING funny about this, humor is not a word that I would use to describe such a event. More like horrific, disturbing, frightening, sickening, sad, appalling, heartbreaking, nauseating, inhumane not to mention STUPID! It makes me wonder what drives a community (that being those who were at the event) to be so heartless and uncaring. Do not even get me started on the young man that used his cell phone to TAKE VIDEOS and PHOTOS instead of phoning for help. What was he thinking.... makes me want to vomit! I thought of this for hours today, where have we gone wrong?

My heart breaks for this 16 year old girl, her family and her "friends" that were with her and now have to live with the horror and consequences. EVERY day for the rest of their lives, it is so hard to put things like this behind you and move on. This will never go away, this is the sad reality of the downside of the inter-net, the speed of which information gets out there and how hard it is to retract once it is.

What is our moral compass????

Moral - 1:of or relating to the principles of right and wrong 2:forming to a standard of right behavior.

Compass - 1: a devise determining direction

Is teen culture so absorbed with being accepted, cool and self centered that the do not respond to the needs of others? Are they so desensitised that they do not see this as wrong? Is their moral compass is so screwed that what is right and wrong is no longer known? It is sad on so many levels. Some people truly have no compass at all. Are scruples a thing of the past? Ethics?

However I feel strongly that all l teens and not be lumped together. To do that is wrong. There are many who strive to live a moral life to make a difference in the world around them to make sure that their life matters in a bright and positive way. They have a world view and a strong desire to make a difference, to change the world and make it a better place.

As a parent my hope and prayer and RESPONSIBILITY is to raise children who know the difference between right and wrong AND to do the right thing even when it is not the popular thing. To give them a compass that points to truth and rightness in the world and the fortitude to act in a way that matches that compass point. To take risks and do hard things, that they can rise above the mediocrity that seems to be the norm. That will CHANGE our world, Lord willing. As adults we need to give teens the chance to shine, to expect great things and not stand in the way when they have big ideas that they want to follow through on. One right decision at a a time..... May it be so!

Some further reading if you are interested..... Do hard things, the red one, is one best books I read last year. I highly recommend it to any parent with teens.

Blog re-railed

2010-09-15T22:21:00.000-07:00

My brain needs to catch up to my blog

My blog needs photos

My camera needs to pass along photos to my computer

My computer needs more memory

It is a vicious circle time, technology & memory like trains passing in the night = blog de-railed.

Brain... hmm is there any hope? I think it is more like my brain needs to slow down and decide what to blog. There are so many ideas, stories and antidotes I think about putting up, it just never happens.

Pictures, when I remember, to clear up the memory issues on the computer so there is room, there will be pictures!

Summer came, summer seems to be gone, summer was fun. Gone, gone , gone, the girls are back at school, well 2/3 are back at school. Ashlynn is looking for work. Dance has started. The routine of fall is upon us. School meetings, dance meetings, church meetings.. meetings of the great minds no worries I have not been invited to that one... see above sentance about memory. Enough said on that.

Summer highlight bullets....

*Selling KICS Lemonade at the Burnaby Farmers Market

*10 days on the Oregon coast.

*Blowing a glass float

*Camping with friends who had never camped.

* A freezer full of local raspberries, blackberries and blueberries

*Naps

*Good books

*Great visits with good people

* A few good movies

* Iced Cinnamon Dolce Lattes.... I had the first hot one the other day. That is a sure sign that summer has drawn to an end.

Hopefully one day soon there will be photos, if I remember. Also I am working on another Idea for a blog, that will hopefully launch soon. (Scary, now that I have put that there I have got to get cracking.... )

Much more to come on that at a later date... not too much later.

Happy Wendy????

5 min... really?

2010-06-14T10:16:00.000-07:00

There are a lot of things that can be completed in 5 min.

Sweep a floor

Read a picture book to a preschooler

Clean a toilet

Phone the doctor to make an appointment

Put in a load of laundry

Make a good cup of coffee

Write a thank you note

Write a cheque

Listen to phone messages

Decide what to make for dinner

Make a phone call to a friend

Take out the trash

Answer an email

Read a short magazine article

Make a bed

Water a plant

Dust a shelf

Catch up on a favorite blog

Put on hand cream

Checking Facebook status' (or update) wait, who are we fooling, no one can go on facebook for just 5 min.

However one does not expect to wait 5 min at one of these......

Last night we found out that you can indeed wait at an intersection for a light to change for 5 min. Yup, we timed it (that is the sort of fun we have in our house on a Sunday evening!)

This is an intersection close to our house, a very common route for us to drive, me more so during the day, Royd in the evening. During the day it changes quite regularly however, Royd has noticed is quite slow on the change, especially later on in the evening. So last night at 11:40 pm, when we arrived at the intersection, he pulled out his watch and timed it. ... one min, two min, which is about how long Royd thought the change took on a slow night. Three min, at 4 min I remembered that I had the small camera in my purse and took a picture. Not too sure why I did not take one of the clock on the dashboard, oh well. At about 4.5 min a bus pulled in behind us. We thought about jumping out of the van and asking the bus driver if he does this route often and if he has noticed that this particular light is extremely slow in changing at this hour. At the moment we were discussing this option, the light in the opposite direction turned yellow... 5 min. We got the green arrow and go. Now we are wondering, if the bus had not pulled up how long we really would have been waiting. My guess is tops 20 min, that is how often the buses run!

Oh, I could walk home from that intersection in just over 5 min!

No where near 40 days and 40 nights.....

2010-06-04T08:38:00.001-07:00

However it is likely around 40 seconds that saved us from a minor not so natural disaster. Whew, timing really is everything. No harm done, and oddly enough it caused gales of laughter, well maybe that is not so odd around here!

Teryn and I were watching a "My Life in Ruins" as Ashlynn was doing dishes. Distracted because she had never seen the movie, she was standing in the living room watching as the kitchen sink filled with water. A fair bit of time passed as she stood there, all of a sudden it dawned on me, hmm I hear water running and all bodies home are in this room. I yelped.... "UM... the water is running who is in there" Which snapped Ashlynn out of her dazed distraction with a dash to the kitchen that could have broken world records, to rescue the kitchen from flooding. The soap bubbles, were not quite at the Brady Bunch legendary laundry episode level, but very close to spilling onto the floor. The water less than a cm from the rim of the sink. Whew, one not so natural avoided.

This is what brought the gales of laughter

Then this, poor unsuspecting soul, still very much distracted by the movie......

Yup, pretty much a typical day around here.

The Story of the dress...

2010-05-24T07:56:00.000-07:00

I had heard HORROR stories about grad & the costs. Dress, shoes, hair, nails, makeup, limo, photos, flowers, jewelry, dinner tickets, the list could go on and on, oh my! Some spoke of 1000's of $$$$ - YIKES - there is no way we could do that, not even close, nor do I see the need for such spending. However as a parent you do not want your child to be gypped, and honestly, you want them to feel a little spoiled, or at least I did. Graduation is a big deal, a major accomplishment and it deserves to be celebrated well. So I budgeted, tried to save, and in the end was very surprised, and very proud of my daughter for the decisions that she made. We came in under budget WAY under - As in our total was less than I had though we might have to spend for a dress. WHEW, one down 2 to go, but now I know it can be done, and done well, and I must add without conflict or drama.

Right from the beginning Ashlynn stated that she wanted to have a vintage dress, she had her heart set on it. Preferably a 50 / 60's era short we looked online to get an idea of what she wanted so I could actually be of some use in the stores. We set out one day in the middle of the Olympics and hit EVERY vintage, second hand store outside of the downtown core (excluding VV been there done that OFTEN already) saw some "possibilities" but nothing that screamed take me home.. wear me to grad. Several take me homes, but not for grad. Disappointed we headed home. Knowing that with vintage shopping they get new things weekly and the selection changes quickly, also knowing that when you see something you like you should buy it then and there because even if you come back the next day it could be gone. The key to vintage shopping, know what you want, do not settle and be willing to go back over and over. Sort of hard when you are on a time line. Day one, we learned that some vintage locations are far better than others, but then that could just be luck of the draw on that particular day.

On our second day out we decided to go back to the favorite of the favorites - Deluxe Junk, a Hilstad haunt from way back, Royd's sisters often took him there years ago when they were shopping together. Just to see if one of the "potentials" from the first trip happened to be there, sadly it was gone. However there were several other options, so the trying on began (I did not have her permission to take photo's there...sometimes the mamaratzi has to give into the wishes of teens) when she slipped on the 3rd dress of the day we all knew it was the one. Even the sales clerk said.. "Oh honey that dress is yours!" It fit like it was custom made for her, was in perfect condition and she loved it. Loved the style, loved the bead work, loved the colour. Momma loved the $85.00 price tag! BUT there is one other shop around the corner that she wanted to check out first before making the decision... The "perfect" dress was put on hold for an hour, we walked to the other store looked around tried on a few more that had potential but eventually headed back for the orange dress. WHEW! Done.. it was coming home with us.

While we were checking out, Ashlynn and I were having a discussion about shoes, what does one wear with an orange dress.... not black - too Halloween, white is boring! There is lovely sequin and rhinestone work on the upper bodice of the dress and I was making comment about if we bought silver shoes it would "bring out" the rhinestones... The poor sales clerk only heard the "bring out the rhinestones" part of the conversation and almost had a heart attack because she thought we were talking about taking OUT the rhinestones. She was ready to tell us we could not buy the dress if we were going to rip them out.... I was horrified, the rhinestones are stunning, and it would totally ruin the dress to remove them. I am sure that a great number of items purchased in such stores go home to be altered and changed, in some cases for the better, in this case it would be very sad. (Although it could be shortened and be quite beautiful at 3/4 length instead of floor length) It took a few min to explain we were discussing shoes and what colour etc not about altering the dress. She let out a HUGE sigh of relief when it was all figured out. Then we all laughed about how coming into a conversation part way through can be so

miss- leading, and in the end was happy that the dress was going to a home where it's authenticity would be valued.

Dress $85

Shoes $89

Hair $55

Tickets $90

Princess for a day PRICELESS!

I blinked....

2010-05-15T02:22:00.000-07:00

I remember this like it was yesterday.

And this like it were the day after.

And here we are today.

13 years of education in her back pocket = Graduation.

A day of dress up & of friends

A day of sunshine and smiles

A day of limo rides and photos

A day of dancing and remembering

A day to feel like a princess and celebrate

Today I blinked and days, moments, flashed before my eyes.

The day I held her for the very fist time

The day I dropped her at Kindergarten and cried

Days in the campground when she could not walk

Laughter and giggles

Slides and Swings

Days of dancing in sheer delight

The days they are a changing. Today marks the first graduation in our home, this is a big deal. It represents change, change as it is supposed to be. Right? Our goal as parents is to love nurture and teach our children how to sucessfully soar. To find their place in this world, to adventure on their own journey. True, but in that sucessfull soaring we will be left behind, and that makes me a little sad. I am excited for what the future may hold for my precious daughter. Travel, education, employment, Love... Today I am a very proud momma, and will celebrate and rejoice my daughter and her accomplishments. Marvel at how far she has come and the delightful young woman she is. Enjoy her friends the laughter and giggles. Tell her I love her give her a hug.

For tomorrow, I will blink yet again, and likely shed a few tears - but not today. Today is for fun & celebrating & in true family fashion a little bit of sillines.

Here we go again...

2010-04-26T11:18:00.001-07:00

My dad is in the hospital, YET again. Here we go. . let the fun and games begin. I wonder when it will stop, when it will end. I have no answer for that, no one does. This is dad's second visit this year, and we are not even to the 1/2 way point. His first visit lasted 6 weeks, involved surgery and a steel pin in his hip, DT's, nicotine with drawl, not fun. There were 2 visits last year, with more of the same. There is no-one that can answer the underlying question, how long this time? Is this the beginning of the end? Or is it simply round.. what ever # it is? Will he even come home? Or will we be playing this game for awhile longer? We certainly do not know, the doctors do not know, this is the slow, unpredictable, and painful death that is alcoholism. We were told years ago that it could be quick or it could be slow and painful, there were symptoms, ugly symptoms that would start appearing, they have, they are growing in intensity, and it is as the doctor said ugly. Despite them all he chose to continue down the same path, choosing the easy road, drinking to forget, drinking to avoid living life.

For those of you who know me know that for lack of a better words my relationship with my dad is at best strained. For those of you who do not I will ask you to trust me on that one. For years I held onto hope... hope that one day he would see the light, see that there is life beyond the beer bottle, local bar or 19th hole at the golf course. I guess until the last breath is taken there is always hope, and I will hope that just once he will want to see me, to talk to me, to repair what was broken long ago - hope is all I have. BUT ?

Is it wrong to hope that it is over soon? Is it wrong for a daughter to hope that time will be short for her dad. It sounds so cold, so wrong but I want this roller coaster ride to be over! And sadly it is not because I do not want him to suffer, which I do not, it is a selfish wish, I just want it all to be over, finished for once and all. For the games to stop, for the lies to stop, for the weariness to end. I am tired of wondering when it will end. Just plain tired of it all. Tired of the sorrow I see in my mom's eyes, the evasive answers when I ask her how she is doing, tired of seeing her held back to care for him. Tired of how his choices even now shadow my life.

I know that there are those of you out there that would not even remotely understand those questions, those of you who have great relationships with your fathers, those of you who will feel a hole when they are not here. Those of you who have lost your daddies and wish for just one more moment with them. For you who are in those shoes, you are blessed beyond measure, hold on tight, treasure that! It is a gift of gigantic proportions. I wished, and I dreamed of that for years, but I am not one of those girls.

I will always regret the fact that my dad chose the beer bottle over relationship with his family, that the draw of the drink was a greater draw than his children. I will always regret that, but I refuse to let my life be guided by regret, especially regret that was way way beyond my control. Forgiveness is a gift I gave myself a long time ago. Forgiveness for missed dance recitals, school programs, teacher meetings, promised rides or trips, I let it all go realizing that it was way out of my control. That there was nothing left for me to do to repair that relationship, it is crazy out of my control and only he could make those changes.

The whole thing just makes me sad, that deep in your heart achy kind of sad...sad for what should have been, could have been, what would have been if he made different choices. Yes I want it to end, but mostly I wish it could have been different.

Left on a jet plane....

2010-04-17T22:35:00.000-07:00

Royd has flown the coop! No worries, no tears, if all goes according to plan he will return next Sunday morning. However when travelling one has to be flexible so we will see.....

The alarm went off at this morning EARLY (or late depending on your perspective)....

3:10 am!

What a good wife / friend I am. I was the designated driver, to have Royd and 2 others to the airport for 4:30ish AM....Yes that reads AM, and that is when my day started, or was it ending? The jury is out on that one as I really did not sleep much before. Being the night owl that I tend to be sometimes I thought that it would be worse to go to bed early and get up than it would be to stay up. I know many of you out there are groaning, knowing that it would not work that way for you. It has been o.k. I came home and had a Longish (3.5 hour) nap, or a short sleep depending on how you want to look at it. That worked quite quite well, it will not be a regular bed time tonight.... I am off to bed very soon. (and right now it is before 11:00).

Actually I quite enjoy going to the airport and time of day truly does not factor in. I have been known to drive from Vancouver to Seattle with an infant to visit a friend from the East Coast of the USA, who is on layover for a few hours, simply because I had not seen her in a few years and well, it would be a fun adventure. So do not feel too sorry for me I volunteered for the adventure, and would do it again in a heartbeat.

However it is all a little bit odd, there is something wrong with this picture...and it is just starting to sink in, Royd left today for a week in Cuba. On a plane, travelling further than he has ever gone before....without me. Do not get me wrong, it is about time he had the opportunity to go, to spread his wings, to see something new and I am happy he is able to go and truly happy that he is able to to this without me. Not that I would not love to go to Cuba... One day... down the road.... my turn will come. It's just odd, roles have switched.

It is odd being the one to drive away from departure drop off and standing on the curb watching the car drive off. It has never happened in all the years we have been together. It is usually me suitcase in hand, business trips, school trips, excited to be going. This is the first time I have been looking in the rear view mirror to see if they he is in the terminal or if he is waving. (there was no wave!) It felt a little odd, not bad or wrong, just odd. I know that this will be a great adventure and I am so glad he is able to go, however I am a little sad to be left behind, but it is all good. We will have adventures of our own while he is away. It has been a very full day, and one full of adventures for sure, more on that later when my brain is not so foggy from odd sleep patterns of the day.

So here I sit, at home...
The plane should be landing in Cuba in a few hours...
I wonder what the day will hold, if he will remember to put on the sunscreen, if he really did pack a hat? Oh well there is little I can do about that now. I do know that the 374 bracelet kits I made and sent for them to make with the kids they meet are in the suitcases and he has a camera.. I just hope that he actually takes it with him and uses it!
Now I am off to bed and one thing I know for sure is that the alarm will NOT be set for 3:10AM.

ENOUGH already.......

2010-04-15T11:00:00.001-07:00

It can end any time...

I have truly had ENOUGH...

Cancer, sucks.

Before I jump into my rant, let me say, so far I am still good. My health is good and my followups have been clear. (so far!) I am thankful, grateful to be sure, but in the back of my brain it always niggles away... will it return? Once you have faced this monster I think you will always have that niggle in the back of your head.

I am tired of hearing yet another person who has touched my life being attacked by this disease. New cases, some after being restored to health, others so young that they have no clue what is going on. Friends who have friends I do not know but hear about because they are dear to someone I care about. Diagnosis' , memorial services, treatment plans, questions because I have been there... It just seems like there is no end. . .

ENOUGH ALREADY!

October, my new little friend Joey was diagnosed with Leukemia, he is 4 years old. His mom a long time friend lost her sister 17 years ago to the ugliness of the disease, now looking at her precious son and reliving it all again.

December - a friend sent me a Facebook message. Di... I have to come to Vancouver for tests at the cancer clinic can we get together for coffee. She stayed here, we laughed, we cried, we talked for a very long time. She now is on round 2 of chemo. Last week her great niece was diagnosed with cancer wrapped around her spine.... she is just over a year. Her Grandma, my friend dealing with her sister and granddaughter fighting 2 forms of this nasty beast. My heart breaks. My own fears are brought to the front of conscious thought.

ENOUGH ALREADY!

Last night was the icing on the cake for me... As I heard a friend who had battled for a long time, had ugly treatments, been separated from her family for long periods of time, far from the comfort of home,who we thought was restored to health, has just been re-diagnosed. The ugly beast has reared it's ugly head, in a different location in her body, this time there seems to be not much they can do. It breaks my heart. She has 2 young children, has dreams to see them graduate, get married, have children, she wants grow old with her husband. She likely will never see those dreams come true. My heart screams.....

ENOUGH ALREADY!

Thankfully we live in a country where treatment for said beast is available where we can visit a doctor, or a cancer clinic and receive treatment, where options are discussed and treatment plans set. At least for Cancer it is so. There is comfort in that, but sometimes not much. I long for the day we hear that a cure has been found.

For another acquaintance, living with Lyme disease this is not the case, 18 years ago we were in the same prenatal class, and she is a dear BFF to a cousin. I regularly read her blog and am humbled... her fight just to be treated here is daily is nothing compared to what I thought were my darkest days. Doctors refuse to treat this life threatening disease, she has been literally fighting for her life for years, then discovers her 2 sons also have Lyme... a disease that is said NOT to exist in Canada and doctors refuse to treat. A disease that attacks at the very core of one's being, disabling, searing pain... not only does she fight with all her might for her self, NOW she has to fight on behalf of her sons as well. It is not an easy fight....

ENOUGH ALREADY!

I read their blogs & caringbridge sites, and all I can do is pray. It seems so little, yet I know that there is so much power in it that I swing from that rope regularly. I hang onto faith - grateful that these friends share that same faith, that they tap into this source of hope and power. Still feeling that it is so little to do, yet it is all important that I do. It is in that faith that there is hope.. hope that cures will be found, systems will be changed, lives will be restored.
Last night I simply prayed ENOUGH ALREADY because no other words were needed to express what my heart was feeling.

Each of these stories have touched my heart deeply, reminding me that our stories, weather good or bad, happy or sad are just that our stories and they need to be told. Need to be shared because those stories are part of my story. Their lives touch and will continue to touch mine, I learn from them, I am humbled by them, I am in awe of God's grace and the strength that each possess in the midst of difficulty. These stories, interlocked, entwinded into my life, my STORY.

If you wish to join me, there is never enough people petitioning the throne of God... here are their stories. Each of them would covet your prayers. If you read them, I am sure their stories will touch your lives, entwine with your own story as we all are touched far too often by cancer.
Joey
Judi
Sandy
Shannon

I will continue to pray because I firmly believe that through Prayer all things are possible and it is truly ENOUGH ALREADY!

I miss her still...

2010-03-02T00:05:00.000-08:00

Today I was thinking about posting my top 10 Olympic moments then I noticed the date, March 1st. My Gran would have turned 96 today, had she not passed 12 years ago. The Olympics will have to wait, as my head is full of Gran memories...

12 years
Oh how they have flown by, truly in the blink of an eye. Memories are held much dearer, the tears flow less frequently, but they still sneak up at the oddest times. Like when I open my recipe book cupboard.. It smells like her house. Or sitting in the middle of a theater performance and the actress says or does something - even humorous - that is just like Gran, the flood waters open up! No warning.

Someone once told me that the depth of your love and caring can be measured by the number of tears that you shed. I shed LOTS of tears, my kids tease me often about them - forget the simple eye roll, I get the whole body roll. Oh Canada gets me every time, as do sad stories in books or in movies. Oh well! I make no apology for them at all. They are as much a part of my personality as is my being left handed. There is little I can do or choose to do about them.... I just let them flow. One would think I would always remember to carry tissue, sadly not so much....

12 years
I wonder if she would recognize the girls, now 17, 16 and 14. They are beautiful young women, then they were adorable little girls. Interestingly enough each of them have their own unique memories of Great Grandma P - I love that. Though she is gone she is often talked about. Her zest and love of life, people and places are things I want to instill in my girls. Much of who I am today is because of who she was, and how she viewed life.

12 years
The world is a different place and as much as I would love to spend just one more day with her I would not wish her back to a 96 year old body or life in a nursing home. I am thankful for the life she lived and she lived it well. I am thankful for the time I had, the lessons I gleaned and the laughter we shared. 12 years or 20 I will always have that.

12 years and 12 memories...

My first movie in a real theater was with my Gran. Disney's "Song of the South".

Sleep overs at Grans were met with homemade waffles and milkshakes for breakfast.
(sshh do not tell your mom you had a milkshake for breakfast!)

Trips to the flea market at the drive in theater where she taught me the skill of bartering. She could get anyone to come down to a dime on most items (likely not really, but it seemed like that to me way back then)

She gave me my first camera. My love of all things photo related were encouraged by her, nurtured by hours sitting side by side on her couch looking at all her photo albums.

Trips to Stanley Park, riding the miniature train and going to the Zoo.. yes there really was a zoo at Stanley park. We would mimic the monkeys and avoid the bat cage. (She understood my great fear)

Gran always had our best interest at heart... Each visit usually netted a dollar or 2 with a hushed no go out to the garage and visit with Grandpa and do not tell him I gave you any money.... So off to the garage we would go and Grandpa would hand us a dollar or 2 and pretty much tell us the same thing... Do not tell Gran. Too funny, I am sure they knew what was going on but for me it was a great game. Not to mention profitable.

Never did we make it through a dinner with out the announcement of dessert, often we did not even get our food on our plates before she was telling us to leave room for dessert. It often went like this... Butter Tarts (her signature), Apple Pie, Lemon Pie (my fave), Flapper Pie (my Dad's favorite)and if my uncle was there Raisin pie (eww still makes me cringe!) and there was ALWAYS ice cream just in case no one wanted pie. Dessert was a big deal to Gran.

She taught me how to crochet. She tried to teach me to knit, however my being left handed hindered that in a big way. My 12th birthday gift - my first grandma made afghan is still one of my faves, snuggling under it is like a hug straight from her.

Long road trips (from Vancouver to 100 Mile) stopping at every bus station (we were driving) for snacks (she brought 3 10 gallon pails full of snacks... but never felt like what she packed at the time the bust station came into view) The 4 hour trip must have taken 8.

Hours and hours of singing silly songs at the top of our lungs. Songs about peanuts & rail road tracks or Pickles and nickles... Good times for sure.

One of my all time favorite Gran moments happened at the airport. Gran had been visiting a nephew in Korea for an extended length of time and we were at the airport to pick her up. We waited and waited, we knew the plane had landed, but there was no sign of Gran. We waited and watched the monitor some more, Dad was getting impatient, Mom was getting a little worried. Then I heard laughter that sounded like Gran.. Looking around I did not see her, then I heard my name. There standing not 4 feet from us was Gran... Grey hair and all! Grey, WOW, when she left it was her traditional jet black. She could not get to a hair dresser in Korea so she decided to let the black grow out. She walked right past us at the airport and stood and watched us stew. I laughed even then.

My Gran never met a stranger, each person that crossed her path was a potential friend and a friend was a friend for life. She taught me the value of laughing at yourself - if you can laugh at yourself, when others laugh at you it will not hurt! No one could cook like Gran but I learned a few tricks.

Yes it has been 12 years and I still miss her, I still occasionally shed a tear, but I have memories that will last a life time and for that I will forever be grateful!

Haiti on my heart.....

2010-01-29T09:55:00.000-08:00

As news coverage fades and people return to what was normal for them and try to forget the tragedy that happened in Haiti, my heart swims with the desire to help. For fear of sounding like a broken record... Haiti NEEDS our help.. will NEED our help for years if not decades to come. We in North America are in a position to help in a powerful way and likely not feel the pinch of it, and you know what, so what if we do feel a little pinch, sometimes feeling the hurt, suffering and tragedy of others makes us better because of that experience. Remember our little "pinch" is nothing in comparison.

I am blessed with a wide circle of friends and acquaintances people who have crossed my path, walked a while, or are still trudging with me in this journey called life. Amazing people with stories to tell, hearts that want to help and creative ways to make that happen.

Natasha, a friend and former employee at Remember Me was part of a "FlashMob" Dance at a local mall last week - done for fun as well as in hopes to raise $$$ to send to Haiti. Check out You Tube here to see the dance, but also to be counted as a viewer. They are hoping to have corporate sponsorship match dollar for dollar the number of views the video receives. It will only take a few minutes of your time and is fun to watch.

Another friend Jacki has asked me to help on another amazing adventure - Saturday Feb 20 & Sunday Feb 21 - a container truck will be located at Coquitlam Center to collect diapers, formula, powdered baby food etc to send to Haiti. They have a sponsor to cover the $10,000 shipping costs, connections in the Dominican Republic who will get the goods to orphanages in Haiti where help is desperately needed. For more information see the Facebook Events page that has been set up, Tricities Helping Haiti's Babies. We are hoping to fill the 40 foot trailer (also donated) in those 2 days and have it shipped ASAP. The Facebook events page lists specific items being accepted.

Just two more little ways we can help that honestly will not pinch us too much.

On a happy note, our friends who have been awaiting their arrival of 2 Haitian boys are pinching themselves to make sure they are not living in a dream. After 4.5 long years of waiting, piles and piles of paperwork, trips to visit, sad goodbyes the boys are safe in their arms. They arrived this past week in Ottawa, where Jen and Travis flew to meet their plane and welcome them to Canada. This is just the beginning of the journey for this family, please continue to pray as they adjust to life together, it is all new and though they ecstatic to have the boys here with them, the reality is the boys come from a different culture, have seen things that many of us can not even imagine and are now in an environment that is totally foreign to them..... the journey will be long but one filled with hope and tons of love.

It is good to know that some good can come out of such tragedy... 2 small boys in the arms of their new mamma and daddy or those of us who have been challenged to give and who are blessed in knowing that even just a little bit we have been able to be a part of something much bigger than our normal narrow everyday lives.

A super easy way to help and offer HOPE

2010-01-21T09:23:00.000-08:00

Help Haiti..... it will only take a minute of time (serriously, you will never miss the minute!) GO now. Please!

http://www.one.org/international/actnow/haiti/

Then pass it on to all you know - we can help make a difference to so many.
That's all for today.

Hatti......

2010-01-17T21:52:00.000-08:00

I have been stewing over what to write in regards to the situation in Haiti. I do not even know where to begin..... so I will start with a link to Jen's blog " A Nickle's worth of Common Sense". Jen is a cousin by marriage, a woman with a huge heart and one who spent time in Haiti many years ago. Go see the video that she put together it is worth 4 min of your time.

My heart aches!

I can not fathom this level of despair.

I want to help.

We have in small monetary ways.

We pray.... I know it all helps, but I want to do more. It seems so insignificant.... I am speechless, I look at images, I want to wrap my arms around those who are young who have lost parents, parents who have lost children....

I read of locals who sit and wait to hear from loved ones who are there - communication is sparse.

I have never been to Haiti, but know people who have... Who's stories have pierced my heart.

I have friends who are in (and have been for quite sometime) process of adopting 2 boys from a Haitian orphanage, who fear they will have to start the process all over again because their paperwork is likely buried under tons of twisted steel and concrete.

Thankfully they have heard that the boys are o.k. . This is good news - but o.k. somewhat a relevant term. The orphanage they call home is damaged, food and water supplies scarce... but they are o.k. physically. Emotional scars from such a tragedy will be deep and long term.

Here in Canada we really have no idea, even the poorest of poor can not grasp not knowing where they can get a glass of water. Right now in Hatti the MAJORITY of the population does not have access to a glass of water..... think about that. We want water, we turn a knob and have water. INSTANTLY....

Last week our water was cut off for about 2 hours due to an "OOPS" by some guys working on some pipes., we were wondering how dinner would come together, if we should flush or not flush, and how long we would be inconvenienced - how petty on my part I think those worries are now in light of this tragedy.

I encourage you to step out, to give to help. To give out of your great wealth to help where the need is great.... there are lots of great organizations that are already there in Hatti, on the ground in the middle of it all who are set up to help.

World Vision (Donations made before Feb 12, will be met dollar for dollar by the Canadian Government - that means your dollar will go twice as far to help)
Christian Reform Mission (this is the organization that Jen refers to in her video - the Church she goes)
Compassion Canada
Red Cross
Samaritan's Purse (These are the people who distribute the Operation Christmas Child boxes at Christmas time - world wide)
Salvation Army
His Home (This is the orphanage that our friends boys call home, for now! Hopefully soon Burnaby will be home.)

I encourage you to step up, to give, to help. To give out of your great wealth to help where the need is great. Donations of any size can make a difference. The organizations listed above are reputable, there in Haiti right now offering aid, they can be trusted. They are registered charities and in most cases donations will be issued a tax receipt.

I know that there are many other great things happening to help all in Haiti. It is not important how you give or through whom, what is important is that we do. Heck, even Walmart is taking donations to be sent via the Red Cross. I found that out when I went to return a duplicate DVD we received at Christmas, I just turned around and told them to give the refund cash to the Haiti efforts... I certainly did not miss $$ it was painless, and the least I could do.
What will you do?

Some days just go down in the history books!

2009-12-27T02:10:00.000-08:00

I am sure that this Boxing Day will in the future be referred to as the one where mom broke the table with her butt! (oh and thought she broke her finger in a totally different un-related same day miss hap!) Yup one of those stories that will go down in the family history book, one of those you will laugh at this one day moments in life. Maybe one day.. just not today!

Boxing day.. for many means a trip to the mall, or better yet the local electronics mega store to stand in line for hours in the freezing cold to get the latest and greatest gadget or gizmo that will be out of date tomorrow when the new models hit the sales floor.

Not in this house. I do not remember the last time I was shopping on boxing day. At least not since I met Royd some 25 years ago! Royd upholds a tradition that his mom started before she passed of having an open house & serving waffles on boxing day. So in our house it has always been a day of visiting with family and friends. There have been a few years off, but for the most part people know Boxing day = Waffles (with bacon and mushrooms) at the Hilstad's.

This is Royd's party, he whips up one monster batch of "Royd's wonderful waffle" batter, has earned the title of "WAFFLE KING" and from 10 - 2 he mans the hot iron and turns them out for all who come. However today at 9:45 (yes 15 min before people are to start arriving) I was on my way to the mall..... THE FREAKING MALL ON BOXING DAY! I had no choice... there was something we NEEDED and NEEDED NOW - zap straps, A.K.A. cable ties.

Ohi.. what the heck did I NEED cable ties so desperately for you ask.....

To fix my dining room table - keep in mind there are who knows how many people coming in 15 min for waffles for the next 4 hours some years it has been as high as 60 people coming and going. The table is a very useful piece of furniture to have functioning for this event. My very sturdy, heavy, pine table was laying in my living-room, legs up. Yup, broken leg! Very dead, & very unusable due to a very unfortunate meeting with my back end! Yup I cracked the rather large pedestal of my wooden table with my ASS! Only in our house can that claim be made. You would think we had some wild druken brawl. Nope, nothing quite so dramatic, I was simply trying to record this portion of the story of our lives...

I was trying to take a photo of the 'waffle king' in my kitchen & slipped. Who would know that slipping off a chair, knocking the corner of the table first with ones elbow, then posterior could result in the pedestal of the WOOD table to crack from bottom to 2/3 from the top... Any pressure added to the table would further fracture the pedestal causing more damage.

So off I went.. Walmart here I come. Where I must say I was presently surprised, there were a few available parking spots, I went in, picked up the zip ties, through the line, in my car and back home in less than 20 min! I was a woman on a mission. I made it home before anyone arrived, and the zip ties worked like magic once we settled on a system. The table held! Waffles were served with a smile and a slightly bruised back end. Most importantly no damage to the camera at all - whew, I would be heartbroken more over that than the table.

New years resolution.... to loose the caboose, so no more table damage can be done. Not that I plan on dancing on the table or anything... it would just be good to know it would hold me next time I have to change the light bulb above the table. Or I could just be more careful when standing on chairs and taking photos..... (which I will add tomorrow.... )

A day of sprinkles and laughter

2009-11-21T09:58:00.000-08:00

I have been wanting all week to sit and write this post, time constraints, emotional levels and my brain just not forming words held me back. Right now the house is quite and my brain is totally engaged and ready to roll with it.

Have you ever thought how fun sprinkles can be? Yup sprinkles! Those little bits of brightly coloured sugar shapes that get put on ice cream & cup cakes to take them from every day, to extra special. Did you know that there is a blog dedicated specifically to "sprinkles" , written by creative inspiration Stacy Julian it started with a simple jar of sprinkles given to her son, and now is a representation of the things we can sprinkle through life to make it happier for us and for others. "Sprinkles for life" she calls her challenges, it made me think, a good think, then I acted on that think, which was even better, not only did the sprinkles bring smiles, I was blessed in the process......

Monday afternoon I, wait let me back up a bit....

October 14th I received an email from an friend, telling me that her Grandson "J" had been rushed from Victoria, to Vancouver with his mom "L" to Children's Hospital, "J" had just been diagnosed with AML Leukemia, they are there for 6 months, would I pray? Of course I would pray, and keep praying for "L"and "J", as well as the extended family. "J" has 3 siblings and Daddy back in Victoria (for those who read from far away, it is a 2 hour ferry ride and another 45 min drive to get to Vancouver) who can only visit on weekends. In addition to that 17 years ago this Grandma lost her eldest daughter to cancer at 19 years of age, "L's" only sister. Emotions run high, pain resurfaces and you ask lots of questions. I was with them 17 years ago, I will walk through this with them too. Thankfully, they have a very strong faith in God, and believe that all things happen for a purpose, and that He ultimately is in total control. Good? Yes! Easy? No! There is nothing that we can do to change it, it is what it is, trust and faith through it is what we have to hang onto. Grandma's second question, Would I go visit? - Of course I would go visit when it was allowed.... I will be there as often as possible.

That brings me to Monday...

Monday afternoon I ventured down to the hospital with home cooked meals, and a small stash of scrapbooking supplies for "L", and a little extra something in my bag for "J". I was looking forward to the visit, to encourage and support.

What a trooper this little guy is at 3 years old is content to listen to mom, nurses, and doc's - resting and letting the meds make him better. Watching other kids play in the playroom, which he can see from the window in his room. Knowing that at this time he can not go play because contact with others can increase risks. So he watches and smiles and waves, making the best of it.

"J" is on an intensive drug regime daily to fight this. Chemo is nasty poison fed into the body to make it "better" by fighting off the affected cells. Drugs like that bring some very intense side affects, loss of appetite and weight loss being one of the better ones. However when you are 3 and "healthy" (as in not overweight) any loss of weight is not good. Food is unappealing, he does not want to eat. I had been reading updates daily before I headed down Monday, and am thinking what can I do to help this little guy.... He does not want to eat, I have been in the hospital and know that though the food is o.k, it is not great, certainly not like mom's, and it is not by any means presented well.

Hmm... sprinkles. So off I go and buy 2 jars of sprinkles just for him. One chocolate, because I know he likes chocolate, and one multi coloured mini balls because hey.. what 3 year old would not think that is fun!

Dinner time rolls around as I am sitting there and they bring "J" his dinner, broccoli that has a tinge of green, and lasagna - pretty good by hospital standards, but nothing there that he wants to eat, well except his chocolate pudding. I tell him I have something in my bag just for him, which gets his attention. Then I tell him that I bet no one else in the whole hospital has any of these for their very own, which brings big smiles, "L" is totally wondering too. So fun! Then I tell him that this is something that will make dinner more fun and he could put it on anything he wanted and I hand him the 2 jars of sprinkles. Big smiles and huge eyes, and a questioning look to mom ( who nod's her head, to say yup ... anything you want!) Great rewards for something so simple.

Then he asks "L" if he could put some on his pudding, which he finished down to the last sprinkle in the corner of the cup. Then on the apple sauce left from lunch. I told him he could put it on his oatmeal in the morning.. huge smile! YIPEE success - and the added bonus each teaspoon = 15 calories! "L" was excited about that. Calories however they get into him are good!

Sprinkles... something so simple, yet brought big smiles to a little one facing the biggest challenge of his life. As an extra bonus it also was a great ice breaker, as "J" had never really met me before this visit after he finished the pudding and apple sauce we spent an hour on the floor examining his treasure box, blowing bubbles which brought forth belly laughs. You know those laughs that start down at the toes and just burst forth. And we all know that next to sprinkles LAUGHTER is the best medicine.

I am glad that Stacy writes her blog, that "Sprinkles" challenged me, that I acted on that challenge. What challenges you? Have YOU acted on it? Have you taken time to count your blessings? A simple thing, taking 2 bottles of sprinkles to a little man in the hospital, blessed me beyond what I could have thought, I now have a little mini bottle of bubbles, because "J" wanted to share something with me in return. Blessed over again by his generous heart May your blessings be as plentiful as a jar of sprinkles and spread like bubbles in the wind.

Sometimes life is not fair....

2009-10-03T06:09:00.001-07:00

Tonight (well last night seeings as it is 6 am and I have been up for a couple of hours because I could not sleep so it still feels like last night) I attended a memorial service for a young man I did not know, but a young boy that I did and remember. I am connected closely to his extended family, they are the type of friends that I hope and pray that my girls will have one day. The type of friends that you just pick up the pieces from where you left of on the last visit and move forward forging new memories, the type of friends who know your heart, the type you miss when it has been too long, and when you are together time flies like there is no tomorrow. The type of friend that is closer than most family - these would be the family you CHOOSE for yourself kind of friends.

Tonight my friends were hurting, deep agonizing hurts that all you can do is step beside and give a hug and be there. The type of hurt where words seem shallow and your presence is enough. Though truly a sad occasion, I was blessed to be able to step up beside my friends and just be there, knowing that just by doing that they knew they were loved. To be able to share in grief at this level is hard, there are so many questions, and so few answers but it is the right thing to do. At the core of who we are as humans we need to connect with others, connections that run deeper than the surface, connections that bond hearts so that in the tough times you do not feel alone. I am emotionally spent, but would not trade it for anything. Just knowing that just by being there I was able to encourage my friends was worth the red eyes and soggy tissues. I would do it again in a heart beat, but hope that I do not have to for a very long time.

Sitting at the service my heart broke for the sadness in Tom's dad's eyes, pain that runs deep, questions that are there but not asked, simply put heartbreak at the rawest form. 22 is much to young to die. Heartbreak for the tragic way poor choices can end a life in the blink of an eye. How drugs in today's world are such a draw to young people as a way to escape when there seems to be no other way then they hook them and their lives are never the same. It truly seems un fair! No parent should have to bury a child. I remember thinking that for the first time after my uncle passed looking into the eyes of my dear heartbroken grandma , or 17 years ago when stomach cancer took a friend at the age of 21, then yet again when I watched a friend carry the coffin of her twin infant girls to a very small grave, and last year when I sat in the service remembering the life of a 6 year old. It is grief at it's rawest for sure.

Deep wrenching hurt - the kind that cause people to question God, to question if he exists, or if he cares. The kind of hurt that has people calling out to God even if they never have before because they want some hope, some assurance that somewhere in the universe there is a heaven and that their loved ones will be safe there. The God they may have cursed in the past becomes the life line they desperately cling to. The same God that with time brings comfort and healing to the hurts, will also be the same God who brings renewed joy as they move forward.

I know that life is not fair, I could tell you dozens of persona stories to support that, but life fair or not is life and every day we have a choice... we can either live and learn or complain and conk. I choose to live and learn, allowing myself to grow into a better person. Knowing that one day down the road the lessons I have learned will help someone else. Just like tonight, my friends were hurting and I was able to just be there in support and just loving them where they are at. And it was good!

This time last year.....

2009-09-24T07:51:00.000-07:00

Time flies, more so when you are having fun, just not as fast when you are not. This time last year I was sitting in the waiting room at Eagle Ridge Hospital, on my fun scale not at the top of my list. However I am thankful I live in a country that allows equal access to health care to everyone. That things like mammograms are available to all women who are "of age" or are considered "high risk" and that when something like "cancer" pops up, you receive treatment, not based on if you can afford it, but because you need it.

Last year I was:

Waiting - in lovely extra long green socks, with a stunning gown / robe combination that I am sure would make ALL the worst dressed list. Best thing about waiting, is the heated blankets.

Anxious - a little

Fearful - not really

Relieved - for sure, it was finally happening - get the cancer out of me and let's be done with it forever!

Hungry - well duh..no food or water from midnight the night before. Funny how when you are told you CAN'T eat all you want to do is eat. However when you do not eat breakfast it does not faze you.

Worried - a little about not waking up, but not about the procedure. Getting "knocked out" is letting go of control. I do not think I have control issues for the most part, however when things are totally out of your control it is a weird thing to think about.

Trusting - God and knowing that ultimately he IS in control.

Wondering - about recovery, pain, appearance. I would be lying if I was not wondering or concerned about any of those things.

This year I am

Recovering - there are still days that I am totally whipped out. (There have been 3 surgeries since the initial one. My body is not sure what "normal" is.)

Glad -it is over. All doctors involved are happy with the results.

Happy - that I just had breakfast.

Grateful beyond measure to those who have walked beside me, prayed for me, supported in so many practical ways. I am blessed despite difficult circumstances. God is good all the time!

There are certainly scars, both physical and emotional that will in some cases never be gone. Physically I feel good, though the few extra pounds that I put on while recovering are not making me happy. I am in the process of doing something about those. Emotionally I think that when ever you hear the word "cancer" and it is associated with your body, you will always have this niggling little thing that just hovers there. A thing that can not be described as a feeling or a thought, but it is just there, in your sub conscious niggling away... will it return? Have I truly recovered . I try hard not to dwell on it and live each day to the fullest.

Nothing in this life is guaranteed, but for right now I am very glad this year is BEHIND us and that today is the first on a new journey. Each day is a journey for all of us, we do not know what lays ahead, we do not know what awaits us around the next bend - we do have a choice in each day we live, to make the most of it or make little of it. Over the last year, I certainly have had those days where I did not really feel like doing anything, I am thankful that those "dark" days were few and far between, and that life is certainly an adventure I do not want to miss out on.
Seize the day........

Feeling a little nostalgic....

2009-09-09T09:53:00.001-07:00

Today is the first full day of school.
Today everyone woke up and was ready to go on time. (Let's see if this can continue. I believe in miracles for sure.)
Today Mom's Taxi service resumes.
Today my baby started high school.
Today is the first time in 13 years that I have not had a child in our local elementary school
Today all 3 of my babies are in the same school for the last time.
Today my first born begins her last year of high school (her last year!Where does the time go?)
Today I shed a tear as I watched them walk together into the school.
Today I am thankful that they have each other and for the most part are friends.
Today I remembered my days in high school & am thankful for my friends back then.
Today my house is quiet.

Today I sit & remember the ride to the hospital to deliver my first baby. Not knowing who we would meet at the end of the process.
Today I remember feeling totally enamoured with this new little girl that changed our world. This special little being that made me a mommy for the very first time.
Today I remember when each of the others joined our family.
Today I remember changes along the way.
Today I remember dropping each one off at Kindergarten.
Today I remember shedding tears then.

Today is not that different than it was back then.
Today my house will be full of stories and tales from the first day of school.
For TODAY I am thankful.
For TODAY I am grateful!
For TODAY I will be here after school to hear, to laugh & to listen to their tales.
Today is a gift, and I will unwrap it one piece of tape at a time, folding the paper and savouring the content.
For when tomorrow comes, we do not know what it will bring.

Somethings you never knew.....

2009-09-04T00:49:00.000-07:00

Did you know that there is a Lynwood WA... no I do not mean WA as in our neighbour to the south. I mean WA as in Western Austraila our neighbours to the FAR south. This simply was too funny not to share. For those of you who know me well, you would know that this would be one of those trips that I would love to take. However not quite this route or this method.

To drive from Vancouver to Lynwood WA USA takes less than 2 hours..... Check out what google maps gave me. I roared, way too funny!

View Larger Map

Make sure you click on the larger map version. To get the full details of the trip, including toll roads, in languages I am sure would ensure me loosing my way forever. It tells you it will take 54 days 12 hours. Including a couple of very riggorous kyak adventures across the Pacific ocean. Anyone game?????
Here is hoping that this in not forshadowing of what my weekend adventrues will be.

TO DO LISTS.... I am not a huge fan!

2009-08-20T14:53:00.000-07:00

A wise woman once told me to put "eat chocolate" at the top of any to do list you ever make to ensure that each day you will have at least one success. I loved it, not being a huge user of the "TO DO LIST" it simply made me laugh, and yes every time I do actually succumb and do make such a list, "EAT CHOCOLATE" goes right there at the top. We all need daily success in life.

Yesterday this same wise woman blogged "accomplish something everyday" basically 5 things you need to do each day to feel like you have arrived at the end of your day and accomplished something. Interestingly enough though her list does not include things like dusting and laundry or mom taxi service type things that "fill" our day and make us busy, but things that add meaning to life. She challenged everyone to make up their own list of 5 things.... I am taking her up on the challenge here is my list:

1) Preferably start the day with quiet time, reading, reflecting, journaling, praying. Listening to what God would have me hear. (certainly does not always happen, but the day goes much better when it does!)

2) Create - be inspired to create or visa-versa inspire others to create.

3) Connect beyond the surface level with at least one other person in the world. Encourage, draw beside, share the burden or the JOY

4) Live in the moment - be aware of what is going on around me so that I can be used as part of the bigger picture of this thing called LIFE

5) LAUGH - it heals hurts, breaks the ice, cleanses the soul and can get you through many dark spots. Never Laugh at someone else's expense, but laugh with them and enrich their life.

Oh ya... and EAT CHOCOLATE (preferably Dark - there are health benefits to that - or at least that is my story and I am sticking with it.)

If at the end of the day I have done the above I feel I have had a great day. The laundry, and dusting will be waiting for me (so will the "TO DO LIST") the next day. Or maybe by some divine act of spontaneous bump on the head one of the 3 teens that live in the house think...
"hey I think I will do a load of laundry just because we have this cool machine and I like to watch it go round and round"

Oh.. I should add DREAM to my list of daily "TO DO's".....
Happy TODO Day..
P.S. Thanks Stacy for the challenge!

2009-08-08T15:39:00.001-07:00

This caught my attention and I thought it was worth pondering. Life is too short to not live in the moment and make the most of things as they come by. Just a quick random thougth for today.

Twenty years from now

You will be more disappointed

by the things you didn't do

than by the ones you did do.

So throw off the bowlines

Sail away from the safe harbour

Catch the trade winds in your sails

EXPLORE. DREAM. DISCOVER

Mark Twain

Good things....

2009-08-06T23:47:00.000-07:00

I recently saw a fridge magnet in a gift store that read

"Not all days are good, But there are good things in everyday"

Even in the darkest of days there are good things that happen. I truly believe that.

We simply must open our eyes and hearts to be willing to see them.

God puts good things in our paths every day, for he desires good things for us.

How often do we miss God's good things?

I have had an idea peculating in my brain for some time about that very thing -then I read that magnet and my brain went into perk overdrive. Not totally ready to share the coffee yet, but soon. One thought is that we spend far too much energy on complaining and negativity and certainly not enough thinking about GOOD THINGS. Or acting on good things. We need to change our way of thinking and how we focus on life. We need to open our eyes and LOOK, and really see in order to find the good, especially in the not so good days. It seems
Especially when it is something that is shoved down our throat, society in general focus' on the bad. Pick up a newspaper on any given day, or listen to the 6:00 news and that negative view on life is confirmed. You might find a 'Good things" article tucked in a corner pages away from the front cover if it is a lucky day and we really have to hunt to find them some days at all.

We complain far too much about things that either we have no control to change or when it comes right down to it really do not matter one way or another. When it is too hot, or too cold, if the price of gas goes up a cent or the advertised special at the supermarket is "temporarily out of stock". When what we really should be thinking is wow, I am glad I do not live in a country where it is 35 degrees or higher everyday, or be thankful that we have a supermarket at all, where we have choice. I try not to be a complainer, however I know that I do... but I am trying to change.

For the past month and a bit I have been taking a moment at the end of the day to write down 1 GOOD THING. The list is growing and I have found that as I go through my day I am looking for good things, my perspective changes and life is just a little bit better from that point of view. I am looking forward to looking back months from now, and simply reading my list of good things.

Some are minor good things:

Cold water today is a VERY GOOD THING!

Oh, a good hair day!

Sweet, take out for dinner tonight.

Others will stay with me forever:

Had great heart to heart with Teryn about Dating while we were out in the van.

Was glad to make Joc & Oscar laugh when I visited today.

Reconnected with an old friend on facebook, I thought I would never hear from her this side of heaven!

Picked raspberries today for the 100'th time, but saw the Joy in a 4 year olds eyes as she picked for the first time in her life.

True some entries are, deeper than others, however each of them were significant to me on the day they were written - a small snippet of how life is good on that given day. Taking time to write them down has begun to change my outlook on life and where my focus needs to be. Finding GOODNESS in the simple things of life. Because like it or not it is our life and we are the only ones who can make the choice for it to be a good one or a not so good one. When it comes right down to it and we are honest, we all want the good life.

However, what that good life looks like, depends on how you look at the good life.

Is the glass 1/2 empty or is the glass 1/2 full? We do not need rose coloured glasses, we just need to open our eyes, goodness is all around us, we just fail to see far to often.

We are officially certifible... or maybe just a little crazy!

2009-08-04T10:07:00.000-07:00

We arrived home from our vacation at 2:44 AM, yes you read that right AM! Monday morning, it seems that the 2 am hour holds a dear place in our hearts. When we leave to go to Creation Festival we aim to leave at that hour to avoid border line ups, Seattle rush hour traffic and the heat. This weekend we decided to drive in the cool of the evening and arrived home at the magic hour. Some would say we are crazy, we just see it as brilliant.

Driving from Cache Creek we left at 10:30 ish - We were still able to spend a full day enjoying the company of cousins, the pool and just relaxing. What we did miss was driving in the heat, all the traffic coming into to the city after a long weekend both great things to do with out. Especially given that I have what I think is a wicked case of heat rash... brought on during a drive from Cache creek to Kamloops where one thermometer I saw read 39 degrees. 39 freaking degrees! That is Africa weather, not BC even in Kamloops it was HOT and the locals were mentioning it.

I now know for certain that when I visit Lisa in Africa I will have to go in the rainy season. I do not do well in heat like this. A good portion of my body is covered in heat rash, also known as Prickly heat and I know why, it feels like someone is pricking me from the inside out with 100's of tiny pins. Not too much fun, but who wants to hear about the discomfort of heat rash when there is way more interesting and fun things to blog about.

We had a great time camping with several cousins from Royd's side of the family - 4 families in total -11 kids and 6 adults stayed the weekend. We also had visits from 5 other families who were either heading home after holidays or lived close enough to make it a day trip to come and hang out. It was good to see each of them. All of us saying that we NEED to do this again soon and get the word out further so we can have more cousins join us. It is good to reconnect, it is good to catch up, it is SO GOOD for our kids to meet in some cases for the first time that they can remember. They have seen each other so few times in their lives it is like meeting for the first time all over again.

Amazingly it does not take long for kids to overcome shyness and start pushing each other in the pool, laughing and scaring all "Non-relatives" out of the pool - they were VERY loud these Hilstad cousins. But I think it was the adults that laughed the hardest hearing Ron tell his story of his as advertised on radio "painless vasectomy" oh my, we were all in stitches. Great memories, laughs re connections it was good just to be together. Celebrating family and life.

Where are they now????

2009-07-19T09:10:00.000-07:00

After the last post my brain went in this direction..... it really is not all that random, but rather a logical follow up. Sometimes I surprise even myself.

Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same.

~Flavia Weedn, Forever, © Flavia.com

In 40 plus years of living I have said hello and goodbye to many people. Some I was happy to see go, and others to this day I wish we had more time together. Time to know each other better, more time because simply life was cut too short or simply because we had only begun to scratch the surface. (it makes me think Heaven will be a great big friendly reunion!) True to the quote above, I will never be the same. For me there have been some very deep and lasting impressions made. Memories that I will never forget, things we learned together and many things I realized I learned after they were gone.

Call me nostalgic, curious, or simply just nosey I would love to know where some of these people are now. What they are doing, how they have chosen to live their lives, are they happy.

There is Doreen, a Brownie billet that came to stay for a week - ALL THE WAY from Lac La Hache, in grade 5 that was like the end of the earth. We hit it off the moment she walked through the door, but after a few letters back and forth when she returned home we lost touch.

Diane Vanderly, who was part of my life from elementary school to the early years of Jr. High, then we ended up at different schools, and in grade 8 or 9 her family ended up moving.... I have no idea where, I had heard rumors of Ontario. But????

Janet Erickson, a friend through Brownies and Girl Guides, and also during High School. She was one of the people in those years that truly inspired me, she despite being totally blind lived life to the fullest, she skied competitively, travelled the world and succeeded in a difficult world.

Then there is the group of teens I spent the summer of 1982 with in Australia, the things I learned that summer changed my life forever. Most of those lessons came from living with a group of 30 teens from all over North America. I have managed to keep in contact with a few of these dear friends, but others have been lost. I would love to know what they are up to, where they are living, what God has done in their lives since that amazing summer. Where are they in their faith, John Ross, Elizabeth Buck, Billly Nevils, Ken Weatherl, Bethany Saxby (our Austrailan host), Stacy Perreault, Steve Baker. . . oh this list could go on and on.

There are so many more, some who's names escape me at the moment, people that have come in and out of youth groups and church doors over the years. I wonder if they ever wonder about me, what I am doing, or if I am even a blip on their memory screen. I have been blessed, I can say that even though there have been some serious twists and turns in the road that I would not have planned, life has been pretty good. I am happy with where I am in life right now, happy with the choices I have made along the way. I have lived some dreams, created others, faced some serious challenges and won, each path is an opportunity to learn and grow, I can say that I have enjoyed most of the ride this far. There is very little I would change. Sure there are things that I wish were different, but most of those are far from my control. There are still places I would like to visit, things I would like to do and as long as there is road ahead I am going to live it and enjoy along the way the people I meet and the places I go.

Yup, these things have been known to keep me awake at night. Pondering. . . searching online.. Every once in a while I will pop a name into the Facebook search engine and just see who I might find.. sometimes I am successful, more often not. When you are looking for someone with a common mane there are 1000's listed at times or looking for girl friends, if they have married and changed their names, makes it more of a challenge. I am in awe of how small the world has become with the help of modern technology. I am thankful that my girls have tools that will help them keep in touch with their friends no matter where in the world they may end up. These will not be wonderings that keep them awake at night.

I will continue on occasion to search, but more than that I will be thankful for the footprints each of these past friends have left on my life. Aiding in making me the person I am today, I thank them for the memories, the laughter and the tears. My life is richer because so many people have come and gone....

Friendship isn't a big thing - it's a million little things.

~Author Unknown

Thinking about Childhood.

2009-07-15T07:36:00.001-07:00

My life long friend is off to Vegas today - I had to laugh as I read her Facebook status line saying something like..... Wish me luck. If I do not return you know I have won big. Am now residing along some beach, with man servants and a big sailing yacht! My response, remember I am good at getting you out of / into trouble just say the word and I will be there....
The two of us could have lots of fun and photo taking adventures in Las Vegas...not to mention what fun could be had on above mentioned beach or sailing yacht! I hope she has a ton of fun, wish her luck on the big win.

I do not have very many early childhood memories that do not involve Deb. We were pretty much inseparable from the time she moved in when I was 10 months old to the time she moved in 1973ish it could have been 1974 ( I was in grade 3 I know that but what part the memory is gone) Thankfully she moved not too far away and we were able to keep connected, though drifting in and out we always manage to pick up where we left off, no apologies, no excuses. Friends like this are rare and few between and I am blessed because of it. I always know that she is just there... the type of person if I was stranded in her town and just showed up on her doorstep there would be no questions asked and I would be at home...

The conversation would be sweet, and we would laugh about the good old days. The times of eating ourselves sick sitting up the plum tree. Or sleep overs where little sleeping was done (but much yelling from one mom or another to get some!) Talking on the phone till our ears burned from the heat, while the whole time we could see each other in our bedroom windows (but we were not allowed to go out...so we burned up the phone lines) Bike rides exploring the blocks around home. Trips to Woodwards on 1.49 day, when our moms would cram the 4 kids in 2 buggies and "tag team" shop, one mom manning the buggies as the other shopped then switching off. (smart ladies that they were) Some of our best summer days involved VERY extensive barbie set ups, here camping trailer set up on her front yard, my tent trailer in our front yard, and in another yard 1/2 a block up the street G.I. Joe and Big Jim would have their space. Or there was the running between houses to find out which Mom was serving the best dinner and then asking if one or the other could stay for dinner. I think our mom's caught on to that one pretty quick when both of them said Liver and Onions one day..... talk about no options. (poor Deb the one time it was what my mom was truly serving...) I remember sitting in my back yard, waiting for Deb's little sister to be brought home from the hospital after her birth, just sitting waiting, for what seemed like hours. Huge water fights, or games of kick the can, dressing up for birthday parties - and I mean dressing up, party dresses, spiffy hair dresses and patten leather shoes a shining. Ah the sweet memories of Childhood. We were priviledged to live in such a great neighbourhood. The Rogers, Williams and Kyle kids were pretty much just the KIDS.

There have been some rough spots to be sure, but you know we have weathered those and have laughed many atime over some of the worst of them.... How many people can say they bit their best friend in the butt, drew blood through blue jeans, yes drew blood! (my bite her blood, I never have asked if she has a scar?) And know that all is forgiven - hey she broke the leg off my barbie on purpose I might add.... A barbie which she "replaced" for my 40th Birthday - and we howeld! Best gift of the night hands down. Or there was the time we were playing in her basement and we noticed that there was a little fire in this big metal box.. thinking that it was dangerous we blew it out. OOPS, how were we to know it was the pilot light for the GAS furnace. We got a tongue lashing from her dad..oh my ANGRY! Then there was the time a few years after she moved that we found a deck of smokes in the bush behind the school close to her house.... yup we choked our way through our first smoking expereience together. Sweet o.k. some bitter sweet and some just plain dumb things we did, memories of Childhood, but it was the 2 of us through thick and thin....

Life has certainly led us both down different winding roads, but some how some where in the midst of it all we always have managed to wind our way back and forth across each others roads. We do not see each other often, we "chat" a little on FB but I treasure this friendship as a rare gift and for those times we do manage to connect in person for real face to face I just add it to the memory bank and am simply thankful for just one more time.

How is it....

2009-07-09T09:54:00.001-07:00

The earlier post was one I was working on a few days ago and chose to finish before I started this one.... this is what was running through my head as I woke up this morning. I was finally able to put to words something that I saw yesterday. Jumping on my soap box now.....

How is it that we can live in a technically advanced society, one where I can chat real time with my girlfriends in Africa, or Calgary. Where I can type and you can read if you so choose seconds after a blog entry is posted. Where social networking sites like Facebook, Myspace and Twitter can help you find friends that even a few years ago were seemingly lost forever. But yet we as a society in general can not master the golden rule..

Treat others as you would like to be treated yourself

Though not found in the Bible deep seeded truth of loving others is. Why is it that things like skin colour, mental health, physical differences or moral choices bring out the worst in people. Makes me crazy! We are all created in the image of God, we are all human beings. Sure we have differences that is what makes the world a more interesting place to live. Face it if you were all like me life would be a whole lot different that you know it now.

Yesterday, Jen, posted this link to a video on her facebook page. As I watched I was speechless, I had no words at all, it played in my head over and over. Shocked that in Canada, a country that prides it's self in being a multi-cultural melting pot of acceptance, violence like this occurs. That one man supposedly only because of his dark skin was taunted and attacked by 3 others because THEY thought he was of less value. My heart ached, for Jen the mother of 2 teens of African American decent who she loves with all her heart. How do you send your boys into a world like this. How do you teach them to be tolerant, accepting and loving if there is a possibility that they too could face such a situation. The only thing you can tell them is rise above it, prove to the world that you are better men, than the likes of those who choose to be bullies. Then hug them, and cover them in TONS of prayer as they learn to walk on their own. Something that so many of us take for granted to a certain extent, our safety and confidence in simply being who we are, because we have white skin.

Or my other friend Marja, who suffers from Bi-polar disorder and has for decades. Fighting not only the challenges of the disease on a personal level, but fighting the stigma attached to it on a global level. She does an amazing job, but she faces challenges and prejudices along the way for sure. Simply because she is different from the normal and she is fighting for those who are often ridiculed in "normal" society. Why? Ignorance, people do not take the time to listen and truly hear the hearts of people who suffer, face it anything that shy's away from the norm makes people uncomfortable. People do not like to be uncomfortable.

Or Joc, an expectant mother of triplets who is laying in a hospital bed trying with all her might to bring these precious lives into the world several weeks down the road. Not now! Who early on in the pregnancy was told that she would have a better chance of delivering healthy babies if she terminated one. Chose to keep all three despite what the medical professionals were telling her. Would those same doctors want to hear some of the same hurtful things they were dishing out if they were in the same situation. Likely not.

I grew up in a home where derogatory names were the norm for defining people of different ethnic backgrounds. I recall quite vividly at a young age knowing it was wrong & asking my dad to stop... (hmm, possibly, this was the beginning of our relationship struggles...)

I was probably 6 or 7. I know it was Grade 1, because I remember the class room, I remember the teacher. I remember one very specific situation that made me think what dad calls people is wrong. There was a new girl in our class. Some of the boys started teasing her because of her dark skin, her long un-cut hair and the clothes she wore. I remember the deep hurt I saw in her eyes, & remember looking at her and a tear slipping from my eye and the smile that lit her face when she knew she had found a friend in me.....

Why is it in a world where we can send people to the moon, or cure diseases, pay people millions to make a movie for sheer entertainment value can not learn to love with out boundaries.

Why is it that we pass down hate to our children so easily but fail to show them how valued they are simply for the amazing miracles that they are.

I hope and pray that my girls have learned that people are of great value, certainly above things. That no matter the colour of their skin, economic class or physical or mental limitations - they have great value.

"This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you"

John 15;12

These things make me smile.

2009-07-07T09:40:00.000-07:00

Paper piles are a constant challenge in our house. It can be single sheets, lined or colourfully printed, envelopes that magically appear at our house daily often along with newspapers, printed items off the computer or paper bound in book form. No matter the form it can be found in every room of our house. It is my constant nemesis.

I love to read, and I have a hobby that is very heavily paper themed that given with the fact that I have issues when it comes to tossing out things the girls have created over the years you get the picture. It is everywhere. So this past week I started to tackle the problem, I figured if I take one box or pile a day for a bit I will get a grip by the end of the summer. At least it is a good plan. So far a little progress has been made and the recycling truck was heavier after this past pick up.

The fun thing about sorting paper, is you come across things that make you smile.

Like this gem, circa 1998.
Teryn drew this picture of her and I. Makes me smile big. Love that my ears stick out from my hair and we are both smiling. Check out the arms and legs, at least we seem to have clothes on. But my feet are huge. Too funny! I guess that is the perspective of a 4 year old. Love it.

This one is going to get a frame and will be hanning in my creative space providing inspiration for years to come.!

Then there is this. Shanna's math sheet from this year. When Ashlynn and I returned from Europe Shanna had us all in stitches on the ride home from the airport telling the story of this math assignment. I will chuckle for years and years.

Check out the instructions... Draw the missing line, measure and label the angles... done!
Then the instructions say Name it....
"Names" inside the bubbles..... Oh, my I laugh as I type! Billy, Bob, Joe..... She did just what the instructions said and named each quadrilateral. Too too funny.

The best part is that she told us the story and was killing herself laughing at it the whole time. Shows great self assurance. Man I love this kid.

Back on the wagon...

2009-06-29T10:12:00.000-07:00

I updated my Facebook status a few days ago to say I was back on the blogging wagon, so I guess I better stay true to my word.

I confess I am a total blog surfer, and though I have lots of ideas of what to post, I do not get to it as often as I need to. This past year as I have been recovering, resting and following doctors orders I admit I have been very entertained by reading blogs. Much cheaper than a trip to the local book store, you can find pretty much anything you want, travel, recipes, self help, support, creativity, inspiration, humor it is all there. There are blogs that I visit regularly, those of family, friends and business associates, creative souls & even strangers. I look forward to updates and posts, and feel disconnected when they go for long periods of time without doing so. I enjoy seeing photos, reading snippets of their lives. Yet I go for weeks and months without posting - how unfair of me.

Today while surfing, another phenomenon hit me... how is it that someone living 1000's of miles away, we have met, but doubt they would remember me writes something that mirrors my own thoughts so clearly. Things that I have been thinking, but yet have not voiced, for fear that if I put them out there I would have to be accountable. Yikes. That is what happened this morning while surfing and stopping here at Cathy Z's blog. Scary! Yup sitting on the couch following doctors orders has taken it's tole, and it is one that will take allot of hard work to work off. As soon as I have the o.k. I will be doing something to shake the chub! In the very short mean time, it shakes on me! Yuck!

I have asked myself why I blog, simply put, I like to write, always have. I have countless journals filled with bits and snip its of my life, thoughts on God, the world around me, quotes, clippings from the news paper. Blogging is simply and extension of the journals I keep. There are days I prefer pen and paper, others that I like to sit and type (which can happen faster than writing for me). I think that deep inside all of us is the desire to know that we were on this earth for a purpose, and that it will be remembered. Much the same way as scrapbooking records snip its of life, so can blogging. Who reads? I'm not sure, I know there are a few that check in every once in awhile, do I have a following, nope, do I think I ever will - who knows. Would I like to, sure, easier than having a book published. However if I can connect with someone, encourage or just make them smile that's great, if it is simply providing a place where family comes to get an update on the 5 of us then great. I will be here and I will be writing simply because I enjoy the process.

Bitter Sweet Week....

2009-06-27T12:41:00.001-07:00

Bitter sweet....

For 13 years there has been a Hilstad child at our local elementary school. For 13 years I have walked in and out of class rooms, interacted with teachers, driven for field trips, attended assemblies, talent shows, student led conferences and grade 7 leaving ceremonies. 3 of those for my own children. As a family we have sat around the dinner table, talked and often laughed about what has happened at school, discussing homework, class antics, and little buddies. All that changes, this past week marked the last day of Hilstad attendance at Forest Grove as Shanna completed grade 7. My baby is growing up, parts of me are ready to give her wings, the other part wants to hold on forever. I imagine this is the plight of mothers everywhere as our children grow up. Next year all 3 girls will be in the same school for the last time in there public school lives. And so begins another chapter in the story of our lives....

Bitter Sweet. . .

For 25ish years, my sisterfriend Lisa and I have had a solid on and off again relationship. We met when she came from Invermere to Burnaby to attend SFU in the early 80's - she showed up at church one Sunday and we have been dear friends ever since, it was and is a connection that God intended to be. For the past 25ish years she has come and gone, home to Inveremere, to Regina, to Quebec, Pennsylvania, Benin, with visits in between here at the coast. She currently lives and works in Niger, West Africa, one of the poorest countries in the world. We share one of those rare friendships that picks up where we left off and go on from there, sure we keep in touch in between, but those times when we are face to face are special treasures. When she is in town, our door is always open, she comes she stays, she fits right in to our crazy lives. This past week we talked on the phone for likely the last time in 4 years, she is as I type on the journey back to Niger for her next 4 year term. Each moment we can spend talking or visiting face to face is a gift that neither of us take for granted. It is hard to hang up when you know it will be at least 4 years until the next conversation. It is bitter sweet.. I know that she is living out her passion, working where she does, but she takes a small part of my heart with her this sisterfriend of mine.

Life is full of bitter sweet moments, those things that we know must happen, but bring both joy and sadness. Things that come into our lives to strengthen character, build us up, teach or challenge us to be better people. The key is to keep our eyes and hearts open so that we can be taught.

Some people come into our lives and quickly go.

Some stay for a while, leave footprints on our hearts,

and we are never, ever the same.

~Flavia Weedn,

Long overdue!

2009-06-01T23:32:00.000-07:00

This post is overdue

Far too much time has passed since I was last here ready to type!

The much talked about

Transit / photo adventure was long overdue.

What is a Transit / Photo adventure you ask?

Well it all started a few years ago at Remember Me with a conversation, between Nichole, Natasha & myself, wondering how far you could travel in one day on a public transit pass. The idea, get an all day transit pass (which by the way is quite affordable at $9.00 for 24 hours.) and go.... just see where or how far you can get. Nichole and Natasha decided that they were going to do it... just get on the sky train or bus and go... see where the road lead, one day!

The conversation evolved into me making a list of photo challenges to meet along the way. A way to make the day more interesting. Which eventually led to, not just writing the list but being included in the adventure. One day arrived this Saturday.

The first ever Transit Photo adventure.....

Saturday May 31, 2009

After lots of... We should really do this

We need to make this happen

It is a really good idea

(I think a few travels to far away may have happened)

Who: Di, Nic and Nat

Where: Lougheed Sky train Station

When: 7:30 am

(Right Nichole? You did say 7:30AM??? that was YOUR idea???)

Back packs packed, camera's ready, snacks packed, water & we are ready to go.

Well except that Nichole was not there! (oops, crazy alarm) She would eventually catch up around 10:30am.... still in plenty of time for lots of fun and adventuring

So begins the adventure

2 girls

2 back packs

5 photo taking devices

1 tri-pod

2 full day transit passes

1 list of 50 photo challenges

(one phone call from Nic, to join up later)

And we were off....

The goal.. to travel via public transportation and take photos...
I am happy to say that all goals were met!

49 of the 50 photo challenges were met.

I am sure that between the 3 of us we took a few hundred photos!

We rode the Sky train, Sea Bus (well 2 of us made that) Bus, Aqua bus, Stanley park Train (o.k not part of the public transit system, but still a fun mode of transportation and Nic could not recall being on it before so we HAD to do that!) and lots of walking. The weather was great, a tad bit warm in the middle of the day, resulting in a bit of sun burn. All in all it was a fabulous day, even the "dip" in the fountain! (yup I sort of fell in.. slipped. Must say that it was very refreshing on a hot day!) We walked, we talked, we ate, we laughed and we made memories that we will each recall for many years to come. Thanks gals for a great day!

Ripple affect...

2009-04-03T22:35:00.000-07:00

Time flies in the blogging world just as it does in real life. You blink and months pass in what seem like seconds. I am continually amazed at how lives are intertwined, how one thing leads to the next and before you know it things snowball. I started to think about this on April 1st, yes April fools day. I was in bed and Royd came in and said that I HAD to get out of bed and come and watch the news, there was a clip that I had to see and it was all my fault that this was happening on the other side of the world. I obliged and went and waited, thinking what could possibly be my fault on the other side of the world....

You see, some 19 or so years ago a friend and I went on a late night neighbourhood romp with several rolls of Saran Wrap (Toilet paper was passe) and did 3 different cars, one being our pastors. It was great, no one expected us at first... Jump forward 4 or 5 years and said pastor was now living in Australia teaching at a Bible College and we decided that he needed to be "initiated" down under. So we wrote a letter addressed to the college - Attention: youth leader or something like that. Included in that letter was some $$$ and an explanation of "Saran Wrapping Cars" could you please go and do this pastor's car one day.... And they did. Now in 2009 this is what it has become.... WHO KNEW!

Who knows if it could be directly linked back to a simple letter written over a decade ago. But like a rock tossed into a still pond, the ripples reach far and wide. Maybe one friend told 2 people and those 2 people told 2 more... and so on and so on.... then someone who had heard about the crazy fun, thinks hey that would be a great April fools joke, they go ahead and low and behold the original letter writers 1000's of Kilometers away see the news clip. Full circle.... ripples reaching far and wide. Interesting to think how the ripples we make today could come back and affect us years down the road.

Was I kind today? Did I say or do something that made someone laugh, cry, feel loved, cared for? Did I send out good ripples? I sure hope so, I had some very intense, meaningful conversations today, about some life situations that are very very hard, health issues that have to be faced head on despite the deer in the headlight feeling of total shock and fog like reality of the moment. I pray that my words, were able to be a balm to the hurting, that I could ease the burden just a little by telling someone I care and that I will be praying. Even for just a moment in time - give hope.... I hope that I can sit down a decade from now and say remember when and share in the victory of healing and strength, rejoicing, celebrating - that would be a great return on my ripples (and the tears I shed today!)

A series of unfortunate events....

2009-02-06T17:09:00.000-08:00

I started this post 2 weeks ago, life got in the way and now that I am going to post it now it seems sort of ironic. Today being Friday the 13th! I think the whole Friday the 13th thing is whooie, and for me it is just a sunny Friday in Feb. BUT if the date did hold any significant meaning for us our Friday the 13th happened a few weeks back, o.k. and it was a Sunday. But it was the sort of day that some would associate with the 13th....

The events that you are about to read are TRUE.... and happened over the course of a few days, however the bulk of them happened within a couple of hours... It was truly a series of unfortunate events..... or just another day in my life as crazy and random as it can be at times.

Jan 29 - We are out for dinner celebrating Shanna's 13th birthday (Yes that makes 3 teens in the house - but that is a post for another time and space) as is the birthday tradition in our home. The birthday girl gets to pick where we go (within reason) Pizza Hut it was this night. We had a great time, lots of laughs and fairly good food. Then we go to leave, we slide open the door of the van and we hear this clink, clink sound... something hit the ground..

Teryn says, Oh that might have been a pen that has been rolling around back here. Quite plausible, seeings as when the van got cleaned out one time there were 23 pens of various sorts rolling around. No wonder there is never one by the phone when I need one. Sidetrack aside... back to the clink clink... not a pen, but a nut like looking piece of metal from the van door.... OH OH....

The van door will not latch, meaning that it will not close. Did I mention that it is dark, and we did not have the foresight to park by the light in the parking lot that would shine on that side of the car. Trying to figure out where the "nut like thing" fit on the door was going to be a challenge. Thankfully we have 2 door entry on the van and there was light shining on the other side and my dear husband was able to figure it out - and insert the errant object and managed to get the door to close and lock. However it is in that position permanently, or at least until we find the $$$$ to get it fixed it will look like this...

Fast forward to Sunday.... Royd had been away on the island visiting a friend and I was headed to pick him up at the ferry terminal. It was late, it was dark, and it was snotting out (raining and snowing at the same time) plain miserable night. Visibility was a challenge at best! I am driving along and change lanes at the terminal to go into the pick up / drop off zone and hear this very very loud BANG! Then the tell tail sound of a flat.... pffts, ssss, pffst... Shoot! I had no idea what I hit, but I knew I did a good job of it. (figured out later on the way up the hill, that there is a low curb between lanes - I must have hit that!) No where to pull over until the parking lot at the terminal, over a block down the road. So there I was, riding on the rim, KNOWING that the tire was flat, if not total obliterated, knowing that the longer I drove the higher the possibility of greater damage. Thinking about the van door & the cost of that looming over our head. Praying that this would not add to that too too much! I managed to pull into the pick up area, this time I DID park by the best light available thinking ahead to the job at hand. Oh, so not the way to say welcome home dear.

Now I am not a slouch when it comes to knowing how to change a tire, it has happened before and I managed fine, but remember that I am at this point 3 weeks post surgery, not supposed to exercises or lift anything too heavy. So I sit and wait for the ferry to come in, I did manage to pull out the jack, tire iron and un hook (not remove) the spare and "set things up" for Royd.

I walked to meet him at the terminal and said ...

"I am really glad you are home"

His response, "oh do you need gas in the van" Funny funny guy - or either that He knows me well. The later is certainly true - I hate putting fuel in the van, the smell of gas gags me!

"ah no the gas is fine.... but, well, you are going to have to change the flat tire I just got!"

"oh....." He is a great guy.. that is about all he said.

Remember it is truly a miserable night... thankfully there was a huge golf umbrella in the van along with an old baseball mitt - which was great for kneeling on, not only for padding, but it also kept the knees dry! So it was not as bad as it could have been. However upon inspection we realize that I not only blew the tire but managed to dent the rim. OUCH -it looks like we will need a new rim and tire! $$$$ What can you do! On with the job at hand, 45 minutes to change the tire, pack things up and off we go.

Travelling down the road, catching up on each others weekends, traffic is good, due to the fact that we avoided all ferry traffic. Then we hit the Iron workers memorial bridge.. Accident. Bridge is closed, both lanes. This could be serious! Great I wonder how long we will have to sit in this traffic, it is around 10:30pm at this point. I phone home and tell the girls not to worry, we are going to be late, there is an accident on the bridge we are o.k. see you when we get home.

Sid accident had just happened, it is about 12 - 15 cars ahead of us, emergency vehicles were just arriving on the scene, we have no choice but to sit and wait for the bridge to re-open. We could be sitting here for awhile. Good thing we have lots to catch up on.....

Just a few minutes into our wait we notice that cars are sailing past us to take the last exit and managing to get back on the bridge just past the accident... should we, should we not... we debate, we wonder, we then hear the ambulance coming. We stay put, the only path for the Ambulance is to our right. Ambulance comes sailing past and cuts in about 4 cars in front of us thinking that they will be able to get to the scene, however there is no where for the cars to go to let them past, they sit there for about 5 minutes...

In the mean time Royd decides that he is going to take the exit, and pulls out to do that. Unfortunately at that exact moment the ambulance decides that he is going to do the same thing. We are just past as he pulls out and hear the grinding of metal and metal as the front end of the ambulance meets with the rear quarter panel of our van... Great! We are on an off ramp, there is no where to pullover, no where to stop and we just connected with an emergency vehicle oh his way to an accident. We got to a spot where we could pull and the ambulance could pull by and go. They roll down the window and tell us to pull into the bus loop to wait for their return. So we do... and we wait, and wait, and wait. On the up side while we were waiting, we were able to give a jump start to a lady and her son who were waiting in an unlit parking lot in a car that was not functioning trying to figure out what to do. We were more than happy to pull out our jumper cables and lend a hand.

About an hour later an RCMP officer pulls into the loop looking for us. 45 minutes of statements, discussion with the RCMP officer the Ambulance supervisor. Both who were surprised that we stuck around and waited, they said mentioned that most would have gone off. We figured that the ambulance driver was sure to have taken our licence plate number so they could still find us. Likely charge us with leaving the scene of an accident etc. Right now we are praying that there is no ticket coming in the mail. Turns out that all emergency vehicles under siren are protected by the law in an accident - they are faultless. We were told that if this was any other vehicle it would have been there fault given the area we were hit. The ambulance supervisor was pushing for charges, the RCMP officer was saying that because we stuck around and were co-operative that he was not going to issue anything. However they have a year to do so.. so if the supervisor pushes he may have no choice. We are keeping our fingers crossed.

Irony... I am forever yelling at idiots that do not pull over when the emergency vehicles drive by under siren. It is one of my biggest pet peeves. Not to mention it is dangerous. My kids tease me that the drives in other cars can not hear me. I will always pull over, I have been honked at, and had the bird flipped more than once in my direction. And we get clipped! Somewhere there is humor in that right?

On the up side of the whole thing, the tire was not blown. The rim was toast, however it was less $$$ to replace the rim than it would have been to get a new tire. I guess there is a little humor there. And if for no other reason we were in the right place at the right time to jump start that ladies car - get her on her way safely home. She was so thankful for our help. Or maybe the delay of the flat tire was just the right amount of time for us to avoid being victim in the accident. Why things happen when they do sometimes is a mystery - I am glad that despite all the unfortunate events these few days, we are able to look at them and see that in this world we are not alone, we are part of a bigger picture, a puzzle of sorts that piece by piece are placed together to form that bigger picture.

Coveting prayer...

2009-01-09T00:19:00.000-08:00

My day tomorrow is fairly well planned. Actually that would be my day today, as the day officially starts when the clock strikes midnight, and the clock struck about a half hour ago. Which means as of this moment I am not allowed to eat or drink ANYTHING! NOTHING, not a sip not a nibble nada! The nurse at my intake appointment was VERY adamant about this.

Why is it when you can NOT eat anything all you think about is how hungry or how thirsty you are. I know I know if I were to go to bed at a regular time then I would not be sitting here at 12:45 thinking about what I can not have. Oh well, I have done it before I can do it this time. Easy as pie. mmmm pie.. geesh!

So here is how my day TODAY should play out...

Leave home at 9:30 (ride not yet procured - but I have several options open!)

10:00 am arrive at hospital for surgery #2 of 3

10:05 I will be ushered into the secret chamber - where unless you are having surgery or are with a child who is having surgery you are not allowed to follow! I am special I get to go there AGAIN! And to think there are many who have never been!

10:10 - I will be presented with the most lovely of gowns to change into... actually 2! One to close at the back and the other with the opening at the front - all modesty preserved! Ha! The best part by far is the lovely foot ware they offer.... Lovely elf stockings that go to your knees - a fashion plate I will be for sure! Whoot Whoot!

10:20 - a nurse will come visit with me ask me my name over and over, as well as the procedure I am having done (which by the way is a Unilateral reduction and lift of the left breast - a follow up to the mastectomy in September and the precursor to the implant coming in March! - Basically this is so I will have a matched set, and will not sag at an alarmingly uneven pace!) Once they have confirmed that I know who I am and what is being done. Said nurse will begin to poke and prod, insert an IV line, take my temperature, and blood pressure.

By 11:30 I will be escorted down the hall to the operating room - where I will spent approx the next 90 minutes in a drug induced sleep - The doctors and nurses will do their thing and in the end it will all be hunky dory! After my stay in the OR I will then be wheeled to a lovely suite where I will be allowed to nap for a little bit. Then the nurses will come and force me to wake up, take all sorts of vital information....including ask me my name AGAIN, and then I will be allowed to rest peacefully however just when I drift off to sleep they will come again, and wake me up to offer me some ginger ale and crackers when all a truly wish to do is sleep. Nope soda and crackers gotta get me up and moving... I have been told that I should be released to go home in time for dinner! Good thing there is pizza in the freezer and the girls are very good at fending for themselves because I am pretty sure that the only thing I will want to do is rest without interruption.
Whew it will be a busy day - of which most of it I will not be able to recall as I will have been knocked out!

For those of you who are inclined to pray I am coveting your prayers if you happen to think of me today. Please pray for the nurses and doctors as they do their job. Pray that I will be a patient that is grateful for their care. Please pray that the procedure will go smoothly and that there will be no complications. Thank you in advance for your prayers and well wishes. I had better get to bed! God bless!

O.K. It is time to get serrious.. but this first..

2009-01-03T09:12:00.000-08:00

As a teen I wore a pin that read "Why Be Normal" many of my friends from that era remember it and have commented even years later. The pin I should wear now would read "Define Normal". I think that normal only exists in the dictionary, and if we were each to define it outside of that context the definition would be totally different each time. Normal for one is not normal for another.

That being said... I am pretty sure that this is not NORMAL anywhere but it is right now in my house! We are currently pet sitting! We have in our possession my sister's cat Manuelle - great cat, easy to have in the house, affectionate, cute, quiet, does not scratch the furniture or pee where he is not supposed to, great cat (and an easy house guest!) HOWEVER this cat washes his paws after he uses the litter box..... no joke. Monday night I dropped my sister and nephew at the airport, way too early in the morning, and since then I have noticed wet areas in the bathroom around the toilet. Now we do not have young boys in the house, the girls 9 times out of 10 will use the other bathroom, my husband is well trained and this has never happened before.

It was a mystery - very strange. Then today I figured it out.... though I have yet to catch Manuelle in the act, he uses the litter box, then hops up on the rim of the toilet and dips his paws in. Too weird! How did I figure this out... today there were traces of kitty litter in the toilet, and yesterday I noticed that Manny's paws were wet, being confined to the house I thought it was from his water bowl (but his muzzle was not wet!) At first I thought that he was drinking from the toilet, a common thing for cats to do. Nope not this cat, he is washing his paws. Who would have thunk it! Go figure - this is NORMAL in my house right now, at least for a few more days.

I think 2009 is going to be another crazy year! Time to hold on and put your head back the ride is just beginning!

Also not so normal for this time of year is the SNOW!!!! It just keeps coming. I have Dorie from "Finding Nemo" in my brain singing .... Just keeps snowing, just keeps snowing.... WOW! They say we have not had snow like this in our area since 1964! The year I was born - hmm maybe that is why it fascinates me, I love it! Even still after how many days now -It is beautiful, it is fun, it is quiet, and for us today it helps to make it feel more like Christmas. We are celebrating today with Royd's side of the family... Christmas round one was postponed due to Snow. Hmm looking out side right now I am thinking that maybe it will be postponed again until Easter. I am ready for who ever shows up when they get here. Snow or no snow, but I say bring on the snow!

Merry Christmas... a letter!

2008-12-18T08:02:00.000-08:00

Dear family & friends (& random blog readers)

Each year at this time I think "I should send out a family Christmas letter" I love receiving them from others I just never quite get my act together enough to follow through with the good intentions. Life simply gets busy and I fail to make the time. This year I have been handed time in abundance, and I am taking advantage of it now to jot a few lines and finally get a Christmas letter out from our home to yours.

2008 has been an eventful year for us, a year filled with challenges and blessings. We have weathered storms and come out stronger for them. We have learned that a sense of humor can make even the toughest situations bearable and even the toughest situations could be so much worse. Through it all God has been faithful and we have been blessed over and over by the graciousness and generosity of friends and family. We could not have made it through with out their love and support.

The girls are doing well. They are growing up fast.

Our youngest, Shanna is 12 (13 next month) and in grade 7. She is our sassy, spunky, determined one, all things that will take her far in life & challenge us daily. She has a strong sense of right and wrong, there is very little grey in Shanna's life. Shanna brought home a stellar report card this week full of A's & B's. Last night we were at her school Christmas concert, and it was bitter sweet - I realized that this was the last of the elementary school Christmas concerts we will attend, ending a 12 year Christmas tradition in our home. The concert took us on an around the world trip of Christmas traditions - Shanna's group took us to Australia. Shanna has loved being "of age" to be part of the youth group at our Church and has enjoyed every moment of it. She enjoys babysitting... not to sure if it is the babysitting or the money she makes but she goes pretty much anytime the offer is extended.

Teryn at 14 (15 in Feb) has a zest for life that is contagious. She loves to make others laugh and is a chatterbox, there is never a dull moment when Teryn is around. 2008 has been a year of challenges for her, she received a prognosis of Irritable bowel Syndrome mid year, ending a very long period of medical tests, doctor visits and day trips off and on to BC Children's Hospital. Now that we know what it is that causes the tummy pain we are able to deal with it and move forward. Early this year Teryn was also involved in an accident at a concert in a church where the floor collapsed in front of the stage and 40 kids fell through to the basement (about 30 feet). Teryn and 2 friends were 3 of the 40. Thankfully the injuries were minor and no one was more seriously hurt. Teryn walked away with a very sore shoulder a few scrapes and a minor concussion. All this added up to allot of missed school at the end of grade 8, Teryn worked hard to bring home an honors report card for that term. Now in grade 9 she continues to work hard and do well. She plays percussion in the school band, her instrument of specialty being the Timpani drum. Teyn loves Christian music and lives for Saturday nights when "Extreme Praise" hits the airwaves of our local christian music station.

Ashlynn turned 16 in October is our strong silent one much like her Daddy. She is a joy, and an easy teenager to parent. She loves to read and draw and shop at Value Village. She has a keen eye and often walks away with designer items, it is fun to watch her in that element. I love that she realizes that you can find great stuff at a huge savings. Ashlynn is in grade 11 (where does the time go??)and is looking at a career in costume design. She has a fashion sense that is totally her own and loves to mix and match pieces to create that. Ashlynn is in the Sr. band at school and plays clarinet, and doing lots of talking at the moment about learning how to play the trombone next year. (There are currently no female Trombone players.... she likes the idea of the challenge!) She enjoyed a band trip to Nelson for a music festival in April and is looking forward to Europe in March with this group. She is also loving being part of the Dance Company at school this year.

All 3 girls continue to dance with Dance Imagination - It is a joy to watch them preform as well as work together with the other girls in the company. I love that they are all at the same place at the same time on the same days. I do not have to try to juggle and co-ordinate activities, and driving.

Royd continues to enjoy his work at the surveying company he has been with for 16 years. He does very little actual surveying these days, his job is more that of a draftsman. Which is very good on cold snowy winter days like today. He can sit in the warmth of his office and let the other guys do the field work. Royd is very involved with the worship team at Church - singing a couple of Sunday's a month and practicing weekly. Right now is in the middle of extra rehearsals and practices to get ready to sing on Christmas eve. He is a great dad and I am especially greatful when it comes to helping with math homework! He can often be found helping with homework after a long day at work. I am thankful for my husband, and the support he has been to me this past year, I know without a shadow of a doubt I would not have made it through with out his love and support. I am a blessed woman because of this man, he is my rock.

That brings us to me.... it has been quite a year. If keeping up with the girls and all that their lives have been has not been enough.. my own life brought its share of challenges to our family this year.

In a nut shell. . . (if you care to read details follow this link then continue reading from there) in May I received a nasty mammogram result back, telling me that the tumor in my right breast had returned and that there would be more surgery in my future. September 24th, I had a mastectomy to remove the tumor and remaining breast tissue. All went well and all tests have come back clear. God is good! Life has slowed down considerably for me since then. As a result of the diagnosis and the realization that I could not do it all, Mary my business partner for 11 years, and I decided to close our Scrapbooking Store, that happened in June. This has allowed me to focus on my health without other distractions.

Early on in the journey I decided that I was not going to let this get me down... I did not want to become negative or whiny. Sure there are days that I feel lousy, that I hurt for no apparent reason, that I would rather stay in bed...BUT thankfully they are few and far between. This will not break me. God has promised that we will not bear any burden that he does not think we can handle.I have to take this to heart. I take comfort in knowing that God thinks I can handle this. I have been blessed over and over and over again by the support and love of family and friends. By people who have been there to take the girls to dance, pick them up at school, by people bringing us meals, offers to go shopping, cards and flowers.. the list goes on and on... I do not dare to try and list people by name for fear of leaving someone out. I know I am right where I am supposed to be and that this current challenge is all part of a bigger picture, one I do not see clearly at the moment, but know that God does and that he is in control. And in that I can rest, truly rest and let healing happen. The journey is not complete, I face 2 more surgeries in the new year, but that is o.k. it is always one step at a time, and hey I a guess I am 1/2 a step ahead of many of you I know what I am doing on January 9th.... do you??? I hope that if you think of me you will offer a little prayer for the surgeon's team as that is the date for my closest surgery. Then I am off to Europe with Ashlynn to chaperon the band trip - So excited about that, first I have never been to Europe and secondly but surely more important... Ashlynn is excited to have me come along! When a 16 year old still looks forward to having her mom around on a trip with friends It is a good day! I will face my 3rd and final surgery after returning from Europe. After that I will have to resume life and find a job, what that will be or what it will look like I am not sure, however I am sure that this has all happened for a reason and that life is pretty much what we make it and we have a choice everyday about how we are going to live it.

Looking back on 2008 I would say that it was a good year... not an easy year but a good year. One we will look back on in years to come and think WOW... that all happened in one year! As it comes to a close we are thankful for the blessing of friends and family and the gift of being able to spend time with them, weather in person or reconnecting online. We want to wish each of you all the best for 2009 and a very Merry Christmas. May you know that you are loved!

Blessings

Di (for the rest of the crew here!)

Happy Birthday little sister...(I do not even know if you read this!!!)

2008-12-02T13:20:00.000-08:00

Birthdays & December traditions...

Today is my little sister's birthday. For the next 3 weeks, I will hear the traditional "I am only 2 years younger than you....." something that started long long ago when the math made sense and she was too young to understand the concept of a calendar year....sometimes over time things simply take on a life on their own. That, I guess is where tradition starts.

Dawna, may your day be all that you hope it will be. I am thankful that you are not only my sister but my friend as well. (We worked hard at getting to that place! It was well worth it!) My life is richer and I am a better person because you are part of it. Take time to celebrate with style, like only you can. Love you.

Growing up, December was always an exciting time in our house.

Birthdays & Christmas both to be celebrated. How many people get that much excitement in one month, toss in New years eve and it all ends with a bang too.

My sister's birthday is today (December 2nd) mine follows in 3 weeks. Growing up it was not uncommon to be woken up by the other jumping on our bed. Now it is simply trying to get a phone call in early enough to actually wake the other up. Something that I failed at this year. (I did think of calling at 1:30 am as I was heading to bed.. but that would just be rude!) So I did the next best thing, left messages on all possible phones, message boards and email. Quantity - making up for early!

Dinner was always the choice of the birthday girl - a tradition we carry out in our house today. In between was a frenzy of birthday parties, with friends and family (several of my cousins have birthdays late in November or December) shopping, hiding and wrapping gifts. (only one year of snooping.... never again - it really is no fun on Christmas morning knowing what is in the special packages) and always the traditional trip downtown to visit Santa at Woodwards. Woodwards had the best window displays EVER! I wish I had photo's of those. The best thing for me having a birthday 2 days before Christmas was that I never recall being at school on my birthday! I always had a holiday for my birthday. Pretty cool if you ask me.

One of the biggies in our house was that the Christmas tree never went up until Christmas Eve. My Mom & Dad's way of keeping everything separate. Think about that for a moment... we put the tree up on Christmas eve, it was always a fresh tree, it was often bought that day too. Now if you have ever visited a Christmas Tree lot on Christmas eve, you will know that the pickings are slim. The best trees have been picked and have likely been decorated and in living rooms for weeks. One of our favorite stories is that one year we went LATE on Christmas Eve to pick our tree, probably around 5 ish, but to a young girl dark meant midnight. I think the guy at the tree lot felt sorry for us, he was probably getting ready to go home and in we walk. Dad, Dawna and I. We looked at every tree that was there, maybe 12, and sticks or twigs were a more accurate description than TREE. WE eventually chose one and when we went to pay for it, the guy said he could not take any money from us and let us take the tree home for free. He probably thought we were poor and could not afford a tree. When the truth was we were just sticking to tradition.

The other thing that my mom was firm about was that Birthday gifts were just that birthday gifts and she never wrapped them in Christmas wrap. Nor did I ever receive a combined gift from a member of my family. I have only EVER received one combined gift.... (that is a story for another day.. lets just say it only happened one time and it was a great gift and that my hubby is a very fast learner!) Birthdays were birthdays and Christmas in our house came 2 sleeps after my birthday. Where in your house you would have had to count way more sleeps if you ever kept track.

Happy Birthday Dawna! And to the rest of you out there, Happy December! Enjoy your day!

Stress thy name is travel...listen to the little voices in your head!!!

2008-12-01T23:42:00.001-08:00

I have done a fair bit of traveling, I love it. I love planning, I love the airport, I love the anticipation of a new adventure. However today I was not loving the travel agency location I had been working with.

We are planning a trip! It is something we have talked about for years, but decided 3 weeks before we were to leave that this is the time to do it. A little last minute, but not a problem I am assured from the travel agent. Great, we find a package and booked it and paid for it, and were waiting for the travel documents to arrive. Which should have been this week some time. So today I was going to place a friendly touch base email....... here is how it went from there

4:05 - Send email just asking for an update and when I could come in and pick up my documents.

4:15 - Receive a "bounce message" email is not able to be delivered (strange I know the email address is correct I simply hit reply to one of their earlier emails)

4:15:30 - I tried to phone, and get a " we are sorry the number you have dialed is not in service" My stomach knots. I try a few more times just to confirm I dialed correctly.

4:22 - Teryn and I are in the car heading to the mall where the agency is located... maybe they are having phone issues / Internet issues... I am feeling like I want to vomit. I have one child on the way, driving with friends we are to meet up with them on Saturday when we FLY in!

4:45 - We arrive at the mall.... head up the escalator, I look to my right, and notice that the agency office has no lights on..... I am shaking... this is not good. We walk up to the door and there is a sign that reads " This ______ travel agency location is now closed. Please contact your CC company for any services not provided." Now what?????? My hands are shaking, I am close to tears, thankfully Teryn was with me.... I have to stay strong for her....

4:47 - We are back in the car, with a little plan. I get on the phone and call a few people to pray and head to the other mall where this particular agency has an office. Hoping they will be able to help me.

5:10 - Arrive at the second mall - I say to Teryn... lets see what will happen.. remember our God is bigger than this! Inside I am thinking.. what if this does not work out what are we going to do. Shanna is in the US, with no ticket home (I know I was not quite thinking rationally at this point because Shanna would just end up having a long drive home that was un-planned. She would be happy and safe...) I was feeling ripped right off! A mini pity party was going on in my little head. What would I tell Ashlynn and Teryn.... how would I deal with it! I was a mini mess!

5:12 - I see the agency and breath a small sigh of relief the lights were ON and the doors were open! The agent was busy and on the phone but they were open!

5:20 - I sit down with Nancy and ask her if there is any way she can help me. I explained my dilemma. She smiles and says, oh this is all I have been doing ALL DAY! Poor thing, I can only imagine the frustration she dealt with today. I am so thankful that we booked on the Credit Card and did not pay cash. Nancy was telling me of others who paid cash, and the packages were not booked - yikes! So sad and maddening for those people.....

5:25 - 5:55 Thankfully I had printed off and brought with me the emails I received from the first agency. For the next 1/2 hour Nancy made phone calls, trying to figure out what had happened, and IF (big IF) the package had actually been booked. I sat and prayed, tried to think of a positive outcome, all the while thinking about how we could fix it and salvage the vacation. Pretty stressful...... HOWEVER our Angel Nancy was able to find and confirm that everything was booked, and I now have all the documents in my hot little hands. WHEW! Stress like that is not fun! God truly is bigger than it all and things worked out.... I feel blessed!

The strange thing is last Friday when we dropped Shanna of in Langley with our friends I made a comment about not having the documents in hand and the possibility of something going wrong and Shanna having to remain with them for the remainder of their family vacation..... I should have listened to my gut and followed through, I should have listened to the little voice in my head....
Why is it that we do not listen to the small voice in our head... the niggley feeling that things are just not right? You would think I would learn, it is not like this is the first time....

Should have Could Have.... didn't
But SO VERY GLAD it all worked out.

California here we come.... if you are ready or not (We are!!!)

Counting down....

2008-11-29T10:00:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow marks the first Sunday of the advent season. It means that at the church we attend we will start to see the decorations go up and the signs & symbols of the season be displayed. The first candle on the advent wreath will be lit.

The candle of HOPE.

Life with God offers hope.

If there is one thing I have learned this past year - is that hope is what makes life worth living especially in the middle of crisis. If we have no hope life seems to lack meaning. It is often said that it is when people loose hope that they loose their desire to live. When I received the news of the re-occurrence & re-appearance of breast cancer, the first thing the Doctor offered was hope.

She did a great job of just that. From a medical point of view the tumor was one of the best to get. Phyllodes though it does not respond to traditional forms of cancer treatments, it is highly treatable with surgery... HOPE! In most cases of cancer it is the treatment that makes one feel sick and beats up the body. I am so thankful that I did not have to walk down that road. The hope that was offered was a life line that I clung to. Knowing & believing that God sees a bigger picture of life than we do offered another type of hope. Hope that this will not be for nothing that some where further down the line I will be able to offer hope to another woman, and her family because I know what it is like to walk the same road. HOPE!

What are you hoping for this season?

My hope for each of you is just that. . . . hope!

Hope of a restored relationship
Hope for health
Hope for kindness and LOVE
Hope for those things that mean the most to you ........ HOPE

One month and counting....

2008-11-25T10:59:00.001-08:00

November 25th!

One month until Christmas.

In our house that means the count is on. When the girls were small, we made paper chains and just before bed they would cut off a link, counting down. Counting sleeps & advent Calendars filled with chocolate were all ways to keep track until the anticipated event. Birthday's, Christmas, special occasions they were looking forward to we count To this day we still count sleeps to awaited events.

This year there are several different counts going on, how many sleeps until we go to Disneyland, how many sleeps until school is out, then the big one.. how many sleeps until Christmas. Part of the fun in life is anticipating is looking forward to,expecting, awaiting, hoping for great things to happen. Last night we were visiting with some friends talking about "surprises" versus "anticipating" I am more of a gal that likes to anticipate than be surprised. Sure I love the surprise of Christmas gifts and such, but I would much rather anticipate a trip or a party than have it sprung on me. That being said, I would quickly recover and enjoy myself if someone were to surprise me with a trip or a party. (just for the record!) Christmas is one of those good things we look forward to each year, and after the year we have had we are anticipating and looking forward to a good December.

History in the making...

2008-11-04T22:30:00.001-08:00

It is not very often that we get to see world changing history being made, those events that make you stand up and take notice and think THIS IS a historical event. . . In my lifetime I can think of a few such events:

Terry Fox's Marathon of Hope and the ripple effect that had on cancer research. A legacy that still thrives today around the world.

The fall of the Berlin Wall all that represented for Germany, European countries and the world. I remember being glued to the TV watching as people climbed the wall tossing bricks swinging sledge hammers... thinking, WOW who would have thought...

The untimely death of Princess Diana - how it changed the face of the monarchy. That night the world was in shock!

I certainly know there are more, peace treaties being signed, wars being fought and ended, people in every country trying to make a difference. Every day history is made, by people making choices to change them selves, alcoholics that stop drinking, kids getting off the street, children being adopted... everyday the world changes hopefully for the better one decision at a time, one person at a time.

I am not a huge follower of politics of any kind. It is not that I do not care, mostly I do not understand, my creative mind gets lost in the heady stuff. I do know the importance of and exercise my right to vote. I have rarely missed an opportunity to do so since I came of age. I usually feel that my little single vote will not make or break the outcome, but if I do not vote what right do I have to comment or discuss the outcome. I have to make the effort to make an educated vote based on what I feel would be the best thing for the municipality, province or country depending...

I do however know that tonight in the US history was made. I was impressed with the turn out at the poles, long streams of people waiting to vote. Standing in line WAITING - wow we do not see that in Canada, or at least I have never seen that.... the passion of the people to be part of a history changing event in their country was inspiring.

I see the HUGENESS of the Obama win tonight. Tonight Obama's win as the first African American President will have a huge impact on the world. Dreams have been realized, and many more are being made. I imagine somewhere there is a young black girl thinking... Wow if HE could do it then so can I! Maybe I will be the first African American FEMALE president of the USA. Young boys are thinking of all kinds of things that they could do. How cool is that. Dreams are being made all over the world by young people, hope is being offered to all. Dream big kids! They do come true - you CAN change the world.

3rd times a charm...

2008-11-02T21:42:00.001-08:00

Every survival kit should include a sense of humor.

~Author Unknown

Or in our house every first aid kit..... because if we did not laugh I am sure that this week I would have gone crazy!

Today at 6:15pm the couch jumped out just as I was walking by and snapped my baby toe to an unsightly angle. OUCH! We pulled the peas out of the freezer and wrapped up the foot and hobbled to the car. Our destination: The local Emergency Room. This is our 3rd journey to an ER in less than a week. 3 trips, 3 reasons, 3 people.

3 photo's of my toe, confirmed what I already knew, the toe was broken. A toe can not possibly be at a 60 degree angle and not be broken. A less than 5 minute consult with the very young doctor one tug and a little pain the toe was buddy taped to her neighbour and we were sent hobbling on our way. In and out, and home inside of 2 hours. Not too bad if I do say so my self.

So just as I was beginning to re-gain some "NORMAL" in life, here we are. I am back to no driving for a bit, T3's are now my friend again and I have to rest for a day or 2. If you do not laugh you would go crazy! I think I may have to redefine "NORMAL"

I said that this was trip 3....

Trip 2 resulted in a 2.5 hour visit, 8$ in parking, an x-ray of one thumb and a plaster splint for Shanna. Who says she "fractured a ligament" when in fact she pulled a ligament and fractured the bone. She just got it a little muddled.

Trip one 5 hours, extensive blood work, ultra sound, 18$ in parking and a diagnosis... just the same old thing... Teryn's IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) was acting up. It is not an odd thing for Teryn and I to spend time in the ER, however you begin to wonder if you are there too many times when the Doc comes in and says..."hmm, I remember seeing you before"

Despite the fact that we have spent so many hours in various ER's this week I am thankful that we have the ER to go to. We are fortunate, we are privileged to have such service provided for us. Sure waits are long at times, but think about how many people in this world do not have that privileged, who may never actually have the chance to see a doctor let alone have an x-ray taken or blood work done. I do not mind waiting knowing that my family will receive the care they need. Perspective is a great thing!

I wonder what experiences this week will have us laughing. Let's just hope we can leave the first aid kit packed.

Better than I could say myself

2008-10-27T21:33:00.000-07:00

I do a fair bit of blog reading these days, there are a few that I go to on a regular basis to catch up and keep up. I read blogs from a variety of sources, friends, family, business associates, & scrapbooker extraordinaire. I am often provoked to think, challenged to create and often inspired. Today was no exception.

I thought this worth passing on.... TODAY IS SIGNIFICANT . Posted by Royd's cousins wife Jen, a woman who I have come to admire and respect. Mother of 4 boys, advocate of adoption, and a woman of strong faith. Her post is worth thinking about, it would make a great scrapbook page, and it is truth! I hope you all will take a moment to check it out and think on it.

Remember that today, no matter what today holds is significant. Time is precious and perspective can truly be an interesting thing.

So excited...

2008-10-25T20:25:00.000-07:00

Many would look upon this venture as sheer torture, I however am totally excited. I received a phone call last week from the girls band teacher asking me to consider chaperoning the SR. Band trip. 10 days with 20 - 25 grade 11 & 12 students, who would say no. I imagine that many would, however I am looking forward to this adventure.

Last year the trip to Nelson with the grade 10's was a ton of fun. It was great to see my daughter in her own element, away from home, away from family, see her in action with her friends. To see another side of her.

The fact that this trip is to Europe is a mild tug. Who am I fooling, I am one of those people who would go anywhere in this world if the ticket presented itself. And I am totally excited about the possibility of seeing the sights & sounds of London and Paris. The trip itinerary is jammed packed with all the "must see" things in both of those great cities. I am sure it will be an adventure to remember.

I have to confess that I have longed to see many of the sites of Paris since reading of Nichole's adventures in France. I am looking forward to seeing . . . . .

Better late than never...

2008-10-16T09:04:00.000-07:00

On October 1st Stacy Julian, scrapbooking friend and mega star issued a challenge. To give yourself a present by recording one day in photo's and create a mini album. Then carry that little album around with you, or put it somewhere you will see it often, for one year, look at it and appreciate life when ever you stumble over it in your purse or drawer etc. Then one year later create a page about the experience. It sounded like a cool idea. I thought, I think I can handle a mini album 10 pictures (mine ended up being more) while I am at home resting and recuperating. I knew I had photo's to pull from. So I took Stacy up on the challenge and created a little album. I love it! It was fun to do something creative.

However I did not follow up part 2 of the challenge and send photo's of it back to Stacy or post the pictures here on my blog because, well I did not think my day rated. The day was not particularly different than any other of late, but it is not one of those cheery life is good sort of renditions. It is a fairly honest look at the things that make up life 8 days post surgery.

Then I thought - hey this IS today THIS is what LIFE looks like for me right now. In the middle of fighting Breast Cancer, having a mastectomy, resting and recovering... it may be hard, it may be painful, it may be sad - but it is what it is and it IS MY LIFE today. I do not want to forget where I am today, or what we have gone through as a family because of this - This will be important, it will be a page in the history books of my life & my family's. Despite the challenge that is this disease I KNOW that I have it pretty good, the tumor is gone, the pathology reports have come back good and there is no follow up treatment required at this time. It could be so much more challenging, ugly and hard. But it is not so it is GOOD!

Life is not guaranteed, there will be highs and lows, challenges and celebrations. Everyday is different - everyday is new - everyday is a chance to make the best of it. Everyday we wake up and have 24 hours to make choices and live the life we have been given. We can make choices that make life miserable or we can make choices that make life worth living. But we have a CHOICE..... it is ours and ours alone.

So here I am 2 weeks after creating my "PRESENT" and I am finally posting. (and I emailed Stacy with a link...challenge complete!) I realized that no matter what this will still be a very valuable exercises - because LIFE ONE YEAR later will be so very different. It may be better, it may be worse, we do not know for sure but one thing that is certain it will look a whole lot different than this day that I recorded. Let's see what the journey will bring, what adventure will follow. I am willing to travel and see what I will learn from this day forward..

Here are some pics of my Present... a photo journey of today ( well actually a 72 hour period) created October 3rd, 2008.

Drain Free... oh so free!

2008-10-15T23:06:00.000-07:00

Drain Free

Free in deed!

Four weeks to the day after surgery and the drain has been removed. Four weeks of having this foreign object protruding from my body causing discomfort and pain, when I would walk, sit or stand, or most of all when I would try to sleep. Rolling over was not fun at all. In less than 3 minutes, one quick snip and a tug and the drain and the 3 feet of tubing that chased it is GONE! GONE! GONE! Good riddance! I will not miss it. I thought that it would be in for 2 weeks tops, but long as it was draining more than 30 ml per 24 hour period it was still doing it's job. So having it in 2 weeks longer than originally thought grew old. Today when it came out I celebrated, did a happy dance & called Royd when the nurse left today. This is a big deal.

What does this mean...

It means that the constant pain and discomfort are pretty much non-existent
It means that I can start to use my right arm again more regularly.
It means that I can leave the house and not be worried about the open area and infection
It means that my kids are not grossed out by the sight of the drain
It means that I can give a regular hug
It means that I no longer have to worry about tubes and CC' units of fluid in a 24 hour period
It means that the health nurse will not have to visit any more (I am grateful for the awesome nurses that did visit, it made life so much easier)
It means that I can have a regular bath with out worrying about getting dressings wet.
It means that my energy will begin to return
It means that I will be able to drive soon
It means I can sit & stand without fear of the tubes getting caught or pulled
It means I can walk without pulling my arm in to protect my side
It means that I can begin to move more, and begin living once again away from my couch.
It means that I for the first time in a month I can try to sleep on my right side. My favorite way to sleep.
Which means MAYBE I will get a full nights sleep and put an end to 2 or 3 hour sleeping stints and cat naps through the day.

It means FREEDOM!

It means that my body is healing! And this is a huge BLESSING!

I am truly thankful for the team of medical professionals who have been coming and caring for me. They have been professional and kind. They have taken time to answer my questions both when they were in my home or when I called on the phone. Thank you!

I am forever thankful for friends and family who have been supportive bringing meals, or coming here to cook, picking up the girls and chauffeuring them around town. For the many cards and emails, beautiful flowers, words of encouragement and most of all Prayers. I know that my little family has been blessed over and over and over. I have seen God at work through the lives of many. Thank you so very much my dear friends and family - we would not be thriving if it were not for each of you.

Tough times and Thanksgiving.... gaining perspective

2008-10-11T17:46:00.000-07:00

This is Thanksgiving weekend in Canada - a time to celebrate family and friends. Gather together to share a meal, enjoy one another's company and reflect on things that are good. Life is not always good, there are all sorts of bumps along the way. I know that we are bumping along in our house, but this is not about those bumps, not right now not today. I had a totally different post planned for today, but this is on my heart right now this moment so...

This afternoon I attended a memorial for the daughter of a long time customer / friend of Remember Me. It was a beautiful tribute to a life cut way to short because of a malignant brain tumor. At six years old Brynne lived life to the fullest, gave it her all right up to the end, many of us adults can learn allot from a life lived like that. A life with NO regrets, a life that touched so many because she actually lived and enjoyed and embraced the moments she was given.

She danced when she heard music, not caring who was watching or where she was, she wore what she wanted not caring for color coordination or what was popular she just had to be Stylish... How many times do we as adults want to get up and dance (or para-sail or sing - karaoke or jump on a swing at the park or wear some outrageous what ever) but do not because we are all to aware of what others might think. Consumed by it to the point of it being debilitating. Life is too short to sit on the side lines and not jump in and live in the moments that are presented to us.

The service was packed, family, friends young and old filled the main sanctuary of the church to show support and love to the family and to honor and pay tribute to angel Brynne. Life is so not fair. No parent should have to say good bye to a child at any age, especially one so young. What do you say to a family in this situation - there are truly no words - Hugs and tears speak volumes at times like this, but words can sometimes fall short.

Then I remembered a customer about a year ago came in to the store just after loosing her dad with a lovely memorial bracelet. A combination of sawartsky crystal beads representing dates, and special people. So I set off to create a special memorial bracelet for Brynne's mom (beading is something I am able to do right now and I am having allot of fun with it... ) here is a glimpse of what I came up with. I hope that it will be a reminder that Brynne's life was not without purpose, and that there are people out there that want to support the family through this. Rest well angel Brynne.

Then there is my cousin-in-law Jenn and her family who are sitting by the bed of an ailing Nan.. who's time on this earth is drawing to an end. A life on the other end of the age scale, a life that was and is the glue that has held this family together for decades. When she goes who will be that glue for the family... my heart swells with sympathy, Jen , Shell & boys, my thoughts and prayers are with you. Grandparents are special links in the family chain. A long life, well lived, a soul well loved by so many, a soul who will leave a huge hole in the heart of this family. Life will most certainly look different for this family. When Nan is called home.

Then there is my dad... In hospital, because of bad choices he has made in life, a life of drinking, smoking 1000's of cancer sticks in his life time. Who knows what will happen there. This is prime example of a life that could have been so different... How is it fair that he holds on when for so many years his choices have clearly been directed to not living, when a young child with her whole future ahead of her is gone. I know that sounds cold, but it is the truth we live with in our family.

Perspective is difficult to see in situations like this. The only conclusion I can come to is that each life no matter how long or short has a specific purpose, what that is and how long that will take to fulfill are hard to know. Some of us live life full of purpose from the get go, doing what we were put here to do in a short time, others the task is more labour intensive and takes decades to complete. Then I think that for some, they search, and miss the point over and over again and are given many chances to figure it out. Stubbornness & pride stand in the way, so much so that in the end they never figure it out and life ends and little legacy is left. Life seems so unfair, and truly it is, but that does not have to be our focus, we should focus on living a well lived life, enjoying the moments we are blessed with, learning from the things that we can so that we can teach others.

I have to hold on to my faith and trust that God knows what he is doing, that is the only way these things make any sense to me. Life is here and it is ours to live. We have choices to make and we can make good ones or bad ones, but we have to make them.

I love this quote from Helen Burns
"we are all one decision away from stupid"
It makes sense.... one decision can make or break life. Think about that.

Really random.... really bugs me..

2008-10-11T00:28:00.001-07:00

I consider myself to be a reasonable woman, most of the time.

I do not think myself as high maintenance, or high needs, I can survive with fairly simple creature comforts. I mean come on, I LOVE to camp and in a TENT! I do not loose it too often, nor do I fly off the handle easily, my feathers though not always neat and primped are rarely ruffled to the point of being crazed.

However this drives me CRAZY! And can send me into a full blown flap at times, though far less now than it used to that is for sure.

I am not sure how many times I have given the "replace the roll" lecture at my house.... Or given the demonstration in true "Stewardess" fashion, picture the beginning of every flight seat belt demonstration - no words are needed - concise ,deliberate slow movement instructions that ANYONE can follow. Apparently not EVERYONE!

This is not rocket science people - it is actually quite simple, and takes less than 20 seconds - seriously less than 20 seconds. It may take longer if one is required to actually get up to "find" the supply in storage. It is a common courtesy, that is often not even considered. The world would be a much happier place, well at least the momma in this house would be happier, and you know what they say.... "If mama is happy then EVERYONE is happy!"

Take a close look at these photos.... and you will know why it drives me crazy, there was no searching needed in either location.... no getting up even. The process could have been completed efficiently without delay. Apparently it is too much to ask.

I do not think it is unreasonable to have the TP with in reach, and more often than not I am the one that hits the bathroom when it is gone. Now if I was totally thinking clearly I would look before I sat, but no... I do not think ahead like that... And it does not seem to matter where - home, work, public restrooms, if someone is going to sit and find an empty roll it will be me. I have been the person in the public restroom stall, in true "Seinfeld" style asking for TP. I think it is the "Murphy's law of my life". Good thing I have a good sense of humor and am learning not to "sweat the small stuff."

I do realize that it is a tad bit unreasonable to let it ruffle the feathers at times, in the bigger picture of life it really is SMALL stuff and it is not that big a deal. And I am continually thankful that I NEVER have to worry about the toilet seat, it is ALWAYS down in the position it was designed to be in. For that I am grateful.

For something totally random but yet related:

Here is the "History of T.P."

there is actually a website called "Toilet paper world"

Here is to a day where our feathers do not get ruffled!

One step forward Two steps back....

2008-10-10T11:50:00.000-07:00

Agh, nothing about this tumor, disease, monster is easy... Yes I know it could be far worse and I do keep that in mind everyday...BUT... it seems that it has not been straight forward from the beginning. It seems like I take one step forward on the road to recovery then there is a hick-up and I have to take 2 steps back. I have been good, following Doctor's orders, resting, not lifting things with my right arm, trying to keep it as still as possible. Those are the easy things, things I am able to control... it is the things that I have utterly no control over that seem to set me back....

Even the initial diagnosis of a Phyllodes tumor - being one of the rarer forms of breast cancer - was not simple because on the mammogram & ultra sound these tumors look like simple fibroid or calcium deposits. Thankfully they were odd enough looking, and the radiologist was very good at her job and biopsies were ordered (this is not always the case, often they are monitored for a year first) and they were correctly diagnosed. 2 initial surgeries, where one should have sufficed..... Clear bill of health on follow up visits and pathology reports.... 18 months later the Phyllodes Phantom strikes again.... more surgery, a more serious surgery at that, longer recovery time... and all sorts of ripple affects in my life, on all levels, family, spiritual, work, friends..... lots of ripples.

Fast forward to today.... well lets start with yesterday. I had a follow-up appointment with the plastic surgeon - where I was told that there is a small area of skin that is not healing, that is basically dying because it is too thin and that it would have to be removed - ASAP - as it could cause some major complications down the road. GREAT!!!! Just what we want to hear!
When He said ASAP he was not kidding.... in less than 24 hours after the appointment I have a surgery time so I am off in less than 30 minutes to Eagle Ridge Hospital ONCE AGAIN - so that this smaller than dime size area can be removed. I should be home for dinner although I am sure I will not feel like eating! I will still be groggy from the anesthetic I am sure. I really do not like that feeling of total surrender that comes when the knock out Doctor administers the sleeping potion. Now do not get me wrong I would NOT want to be awake during the procedure, but that total surrender - I would like to avoid it! It is the oddest sensation, and waking up from that is even yuckier! Sometimes we just do not have a choice. (Hmm, think I have control issues???? Not really, well I do not think so, well not ones that are huge. Anyways. )

So once again the things I think are going to happen, simply are not! I thought that today I would have my drain out. That I would have a little more freedom and even maybe start driving again...Not so. After the setback on Tuesday night, when I was woken up in the wee hours of the morning with severe pain at the drain site, I discovered that the tube was blocked. I was not sure what to do, but I could see what the problem was, knew that it just needed to be unblocked.. but can I do it or should I go the hospital... I so did not want to wake up Royd to drive or the girls to tell where we were going! So I took the tube and forced the blockage out (yes it was as nasty as that sounds) got the drain working again, rinsed the collection area with saline to get rid of all the nasty stuff, hoping and praying that I did not hinder the progress because the tube was now full of air bubbles... I was not sure which way those bubbles were going to travel. I was pretty sure that the drain would not come out on Wed as originally planed (I was right! Bummer!!!) The home visit nurse told me that I did the right thing! Whew! Looking back even on that little hick-up I see that God's hand is in all of this. Had the drain come out on Wed, they would have had to put another in today at the time of surgery, which could not have gone in the same area hence another area that would be used, causing pain, discomfort and be at risk for infection and other complications. I do believe that God sees ahead of us and sees the big picture - hard to keep that in perspective at times.

So although I try to plan my life, as in there is a memorial service that I really want to attend on Saturday, A birthday dinner celebration Saturday night, Thanksgiving dinner Sunday with Royd's family, Dinner with my family Monday.. I have to keep in mind that my plans may not be the best plans. That there is someone else out there that is making far better plans than I ever could. And I am all right with that - I just have to keep reminding myself of that.

Jer 29:11 has long been a life verse for me... "For I know the Plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future" Why do I forget this so often?

I am left handed BUT...

2008-10-06T10:52:00.001-07:00

With my right arm is out of commission for the most part, I have noticed that I live pretty much in right hand dominance... except for when I grab a pen to write or fork to eat - my primal instinct kicks in there and it is LEFT hand all the way. Whew! Fore everything else I have to engage the brain - make a concious effort - to think about what I am doing.

Here are a few things I did NOT think about.... OUCH!!!!!!11

Computer mouse - even with the touch pad on the laptop - co-ordinating ones left hand to do the job your brain is telling your right hand to do.... with pain meds in your system.. is a long process of hit and miss.

Camera - (self timer is good - holding it to take more than 1 or 2 shots not good)

Pulling a jug of milk out of the fridge causes great pain when you do not think about which hand you use - my natural instinct is to reach with the right!

Taking things out of the microwave.... see above

Fastening my jeans near to impossible ( I do have the buttons on a shirt mastered! Just wear T-shirts!)

Opening a door

I thought I'd scrapbook a little, but using the paper trimmer & the pulling action of the slider- not so smart. Thankfully good old fashioned scissors work best in my left hand. (I did manage a little project - more on that later)

Trying to pull up bed covers, or adjust a pillow...

Washing my hair one handed... Thankfully my hair is SHORT.

Sadly most of these things happen before I think and then the pain hits me like a 2 x 4. One would think that after one such incident I would learn.. not so much! Oh well - there is hope.

It is crazy the number of things we do in a day that we just DO, we do not think about HOW we do them, we just do them. 100's of things everyday. Then when something happens that hinders the natural process - it can be frustrating, challenging and a good brain work out. However in light of all the "non-thinking, slightly painful moments" I have been having recovery is progressing well. Today the itching is minimal (YIPEE!!!!). The home care nurse just left and said that the drain area looks great! (we are just waiting for fluid to be less than 30 cc/ 24 hour period before that sucker is GONE!) When I think before acting, I am able to keep to the pain meds only at night - rolling over = shooting, totaly uncomfortable pain, that is easily avoided with a T3 and a regular strength Tylenol kicker.

Doctors & nurses are pleased with the progress and tell me to keep doing what I am doing because what ever it is is working in my favour.

Crossing my fingers that the drain comes out Wed! Then I can take small adventures out of the house.

Thankfully that typing is not so bad when the injured wing is tucked in close to my side. Though more than 10 minutes at a time is not so smart.

Sweet 16...

2008-10-03T08:58:00.001-07:00

Happy Birthday Ashlynn!

My sweet daughter turned 16 today - how is it that time flies so fast. It is true what "They" say, "Life passes in the blink of an eye" gone are the days of soothers,dress up, high chairs and car seats. Here are the days of, solo trips to the mall, dressing, over seas band trips up and car keys.... YIKES!

October 3rd, 1992 - I remember it with unmarred clearness. Oddly because I could not tell you the events of yesterday like I recall that day. I awoke around 5am feeling a little "odd" something was just off... The baby was already a few days late so you would think I would have a clue - or at least clue in. Nope I got up went to the bathroom and went back to bed. At 7 I woke up again still feeling "odd" and mentioned it to Royd who thankfully "had a clue". To this day I am thankful for his calm! This was not going to be a regular Saturday for us, it would be the Saturday that changed our lives forever for the better.

Around 8:00 I called the doctor (I did not want to wake him or be a bother, it was a Saturday!) who said I should probably get to the hospital, but not to worry there would be lots of time. HA! We got ready at a leisurely pace, by 9:00 we were in the car and on our way. In the mean time, there were no doubts that labour had started. It was not unbearable, but it was certainly more than just an odd feeling...

First stop - my sister's to pick her up. (Thankfully she lived on route to the hospital) That turned into the longest 5 minute car ride of my life! The 30 seconds I had to wait in the car on my own as Royd went to the door seemed like an hour. My time perspective was a little off I think. Thankfully it was a Saturday, and traffic was light. When we pulled out into traffic, heavy contractions set in - my poor dear husband was trying to drive, and keep me calm, while trying to remain calm himself... I specifically recall one corner, turning from Lougheed Highway to North Road - and a superdoopercrazy contraction hit, my back was arched, my feet were pushed into the floorboards and the car starts to turn the corner.. I seriously thought I was going to be on the sidewalk - Just the over active imagination of a woman in labour. Then as quick as it arrived it was gone. Once Dawna was in the car we were at the hospital less than 5 minutes later - then I had to get out of the car... between contractions, breathing, trying to focus. We eventually made it into registration, then the labour room.... I was 4 cm dilated when I arrived. Then my water broke... and as they say all hell broke loose, I was too far along for any sort of pain meds to be given, which would have been our choice anyways. I was wheeled into delivery and Ashlynn Danae entered this world at 12:45 - healthy, and beautiful.

I remember the total euphoric awe when I held my precious baby girl in my arms for the first time. The sense of responsibility that God had entrusted us with.

Now 16 years later - I am still in Awe with all that God has done in our family from that day forth. Ashlynn is a beautiful teenager with a sense of style and individuality that is inspiring. Happy Birthday - my sweet girl.

I love you.
Mommy

October is Breast Cancer awareness month....

2008-10-01T22:32:00.000-07:00

Oh I am very aware of Breast Cancer this month as I sit on my couch.

I am aware that when you google Breast cancer there are 50,800,000 hits. That is WAY too much information.
I am aware of how your heart stops for a minute when you hear "its Breast Cancer" and how it sinks deeper when you hear "it's come back"
I am aware that I am now one of the statistics (1 in 9 Canadian women).
I am aware that you can actually feel the monster growing in your body

I am aware of the sleepless nights as you wrestle with treatment options.
There are so many options.....
I am aware of the fear as you play the "what if game"
What if it comes back AGAIN, what if surgery is not successful, what if I do not wake up......
I am aware of Doctors and medical teams that have dedicated their lives to eradicating this ugly disease.
I am aware of support groups, that are there to see you through it.
I am aware of friends, grandparents, mothers, sisters, aunts, cousins who have all been touched in some way....

I am aware of the pain and discomfort associated with surgery.
I am aware of drains, and tubes and home nurse visits. (I am thankful for the home nurse visits!)
I am aware of how people look at you differently (and how this can be in my own head)
I am more aware of my body,how it will look, how it will be different. How it will never be the same.
I am aware that the reflection in the mirror is the"NEW ME"
I am VERY aware that I am one of the "LUCKY" ones.
That Phylloides tumors account for less than 1% of all Breast Cancers.
I am aware that my prognosis is good!
That Phylloides are successfully treated with surgery. Chemo and radiation are not needed.

BUT MOST OF ALL....

I am aware that I have a large network of family and friends both old and new, who love me beyond measure, who have brought meals, sent encouraging notes, cards, email, flowers. Who have dropped my girls off, picked them up, gotten them where they need to be. People who have lifted us to God in prayer. People who have dropped things in their lives to make ours easier for this time. I am more thankful than words can say. I love you all.

Are you aware....
That Breast Cancer can be detected early by regular Mammograms
That it takes less than 5 minutes to do a self breast exam. (I found my first tumor doing a self exam!)
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do regular self exams and get your annual mammograms! It could save your life!

When I grow old...

2008-09-28T11:08:00.000-07:00

I hope that I can make people laugh and that I am happy.

There was a dear soul next to me in the hospital, 89 years old, and well let's just say that physically she was in the bed next to me, mentally we were not too sure where she was at, but it was not there. She was disoriented, far off somewhere, BUT she was happy... well for the most part. She did NOT want to be in bed - in fact she wanted to be up and partying. . . "Life is too short for bed" (That just made me laugh.... )

As the nurse came to get her ready for bed she was adamant that she was not going to bed, and that she wanted to see each of us in our fancy gowns and then go to the party. I happily paraded by her in my lovely "hospital gown" of green stripes, snazzy blue squares with a plunging back that left the world gaping.... did a little twirl on my way to the bathroom - to which she clapped, and let out a little whoot whoot.... I was happy to make her smile. Besides anyone who says you look lovely in such a gown can only be trying to make YOU feel better.

She truly was a sweet thing that reminded me of a few grandmas rolled into one. Esp when she let out a "so so so" something that Royd's grandma would come out with when she was not to sure about what was going to happen next. Or when she in no uncertain terms let the nurse know she was NOT going to bed... that she wanted to party - something I could hear my own grandma saying. She was a feisty little bit of a thing - she did party all night long, at the nurses station - where the nurses said she did not sleep a wink. Then when she was wheeled back "home" for breakfast she went on and on about how those girls out there sure chatted all night long about nothing, no one could sleep a wink out there. The 3 of us left in the room hooted - and smiled about it for the rest of the day.

Truly laughter is the best medicine.

2 days and counting...

2008-09-22T09:47:00.001-07:00

I woke up this morning, thinking 2 more sleeps and mentally making a list of things to do. Royd and I started talking a little about what this week will look like. Shanna is off to Timberline with school for 3 days of camp. I have to figure out driving and such for dance - actually I have it figured, I just have to get email off to the kind people who have offered their services while I am recovering. All the pieces are falling into place and the girls will get to where they need to be when they need to be there. God is so good, he is providing in ways that are beyond what we could ask or think.

Then Royd asked hmm, I wonder if the aunts and uncles know what is going on. There was some discussion about the family grape vine and how little filters down to us, so we assumed that little would be filtered out to others as well. He decided that he would call his dad and ask, then maybe make a few phone calls and fill a few in on what is going on. Interestingly enough I logged on to the computer this morning, check my mail and my facebook messages and have one sitting there from a cousin ......

"3 days to what? I think I have it figured out.... could you confirm."

Bless her heart! I loved that she asked for confirmation and did not assume and lead into conversations that could go so many places when there are no facts. I sent a message back, filled her in, feeling bad that she had not heard. But it is not like I stood on a mountain and shouted for the world to hear. Though I guess sharing on a blog like this is pretty much the same, except that people have to know you are writing then go and read if they so choose. Interestingly enough despite what some family grape vines are like it has been confirmed that with ours, well at least on Royd's side things do not often travel very far it they ever get started in the first place. This also means that they rarely get distorted and grown out of proportion. It is an interesting concept for me where most family conversations with my extended family often started with "did you hear what so and so is doing now...

Once again I am struck by God's timing. Royd asked the question this morning, and within a couple of hours it was answered. He did not leave us wondering for long, and was pretty clear with the answer too. That is just like God - quite simple actually. Too often I think we humans try to make God out to be a difficult entity with a long list of things to get right.... when simply he just wants relationship with us, he wants to care for us and he wants to be part of our lives. I for one will take it - I would not want to be on this journey, facing surgery to have a part of my body removed not knowing what will happen next, with out knowing God and having a simple relationship.

off to work on the lists.......

Sometimes you do not have to be there...

2008-09-21T23:16:00.000-07:00

Usually when someone says "oh, you just needed to be there" when they are retelling a funny story, you truly needed to be there in the moment for the story to be funny. However there are times when I think that things are just plain funny, and being there is not so nessicary.

I light of my upcoming surgery this Wed (7:45 am - yeah God... I was hoping for an early appointment....) this is particularly funny. Or it was to those of us who were there, hopefully it is not one of those "you just needed to be there" things and it will give you a little laugh. I know it will keep me laughing when I recall it for years!

Friday night we were getting together with friends to go out for dinner... something we had been talking about for a VERY long time and under the pressure of upcoming surgery, finally made it all work. Shanna was all set to baby sit and we were looking forward to a great night with great friends. We dropped Shanna off, picked up our friends and off we went.

Discussion in the car started with "So Di where do you want to eat?" To which my dear husband states, in a most serious manner....
"We have been talking, and Di was saying that in light of surgery on Wed she wanted to go to a place that would be memorable and would hold some "special meaning" something to look back on with fondness.... "

D & B are like " Sure, ya where ever... it is up to you". I think they are expecting a nicer, higher end suggestion.....

In the meantime I am sitting in the passenger seat trying looking out the window, trying with all my might to keep a very serious expression... when I turn and say "I think we should go to HOOTERS" The car erupted in laughter and the tone was set for the rest of the evening.

We did not go to HOOTERS, mainly because we did not really want to go to Surrey from Burnaby on a Friday night at the end of rush hour. We settled on Earls and headed out. Once we were settled, drinks had been brought, we had chuckled over the HOOTERS conversation of earlier we began to order....

B orders Ribs... pretty innocuous until the waiter asks...."Is that a full rack?" Poor guy, I got the giggles, Royd gets the giggles.... B & D get the giggles, then he says... well "No one really likes a 1/2 rack. At which point I could not suppress the out and out laughter... - The whole table is laughing and the stunned waiter has no idea...

"Royd says something like... sorry, inside joke" as we continue to laugh....

I am so glad that despite the fact that I will infact be living with a 1/2 rack for a while, I am able to find the humor in situations like this. It truly makes walking this journey a whole lot more fun, and helps keep things in perspective. It just goes to prove that it is the people and the conversations that make an evening like this memorable!

A story for another day.... Busterino Pizza Whistler.... Just the name makes me smile....
Life is good! In the midst of the hard stuff - if you have friends who love you and you can still laugh the hard stuff does not seem so hard!

Time is drawing near

2008-09-07T23:36:00.000-07:00

September 24th has been marked on the calendar for a few weeks now, the surgeons office called in August I marked the calendar, but it did not really hit me until it was actually flipped and SEPTEMBER looked out from the page with stark boldness. My first thought... turn the calendar back to AUGUST and do not think about it. Time still flies like a nasty bat!

Let's just say that September 1st was not one of my best of days! Sure I went about my day, did what I needed to do, but I was not all there, my mind was pre-occupied, and I had to give myself a few pep talks to keep the pity party and tears at bay. Still a few fell. The reality of it is on the first of September I started counting days, 24 days and counting down. Just like we did as children awaiting the coming of Christmas, except it is not with excitement and impatiens because we can not wait for the grandness of the day. It is with apprehension, trepidation, and a little fear of the unknown. Sure this is the second time around and I know better what to expect when I arrive at the hospital, but my tummy still gets a little knot and feels a little off when I think about the whole process and the recovery. So I try not to think too much!

I do not doubt for a moment the decision, BUT in 17 days I will be having some pretty radical surgery. I will be put under for several hours and when I wake up my body will be forever different. There are lots of things to be apprehensive about... this is breast cancer, being under, waking up, body changes, sleeping in the hospital (or more like not being able to) coming home, caring for my self and my family, reaction of self and others after surgery, recovery time? If I dwell there my mind boggles and I do not see clearly.

I know that at this moment in time, I do not totally understand all the emotional ramifications of having a breast removed, I do not think one can know such things until you actually go through the process. I have read some information, talked to people who have been there, connected with a great support group on line and tried to prep myself the best I can, but until it actually happens, and the breast is gone I do not think it will sink in. I am trying to be as ready as possible.

I know without a shadow of a doubt that this is the right thing to do, I have total confidence in my medical team and the decision that has been made.

I Know what they tell me and what is written in the books about Phelloydes tumors and how they are highly treatable with surgery and that chemo and radiation are not needed. That they are not considered life threatening, they do not metastasize...But this IS round 2.....and that in it's self is a tad bit unsettling. It is what it is and it has to come off!

I know that I have 110% support from my family and friends. But it is still a bit scary.

I know or have been told I do not look sick - Nor I do not feel sick, But I can now feel this lump where 2 months ago I could not. It is growing.

I know in my heart that I am not walking this journey alone, that God is walking with me every step of the way. I feel it, I know it, I do not doubt it for one moment! I am thankful beyond words, I would not want to walk this road alone.

Knowing these things my head does not mean that it is translating well to my heart and emotional being some days. There are days when I do not want to lift my head of the pillow... I want to sit and wallow but I will NOT allow myself to let this get me that down. There have been tears, but for the most part, I pick myself up, brush myself off and go on with the days... living, loving, learning and exploring the world around me. Enjoying them as they come -sun or rain! Laughing with the girls, getting them settled at school, working, visiting with dear friends, walking the sea wall come what may it is one day at a time.

And you know what they are all good days (even the ones with tears!) When you are able to wake up and enjoy the day, you enjoy the day!

Time to get back on the wagon...the blogging wagon that is!

2008-08-06T19:34:00.000-07:00

Back on the wagon, and I am going to try to post more regularly.

We will see what happens, but that is my intention.

It has been so very long since I have taken the time to blog, not that I have not thougth about it. There are even 2 "Drafts" sitting in my posting box, thougths that never got completed and there fore did not get posted. (Maybe one day I will return to them...) To those of you who know me and have been on the receiving end of "snail mail" back in the day of popularity this is not a surprise (Lisa!). Multiple letters in a variety of forms, started, finished from months (years) before arriving in a large package all at once and having to try to figure out how the peices fit together... anyways I think you get the picture. I love to write, I am not so good at getting the finished project out there. Even in this age of electronic ease. It is time, so here we go.

Life is full of changes, twists and turns and forks in the road, moments when you know that the decision I make right now is going to affect my future. How we react to the twists and turns along the way most certainly affect us down the road. We ALWAYS have a choice, we can grumble and complain about the tough stuff, or we can look at it and DECIDE to make the most of it. The road has been twisting and turning that is for sure. But I will learn and make the most of each situation and learn and grow. It is all part of the journey. I am inspired to write to let you know the twists and turns as they come, instead of months later looking in the rear view mirror.

We have just returned from 10 days of holidays. Of those 10 days we spent 4 great days Creation Fest Northwest. Where I heard this great analogy about life and looking forward and living in the present.

Picture yourself sitting in the driver's seat of an amazing car... You look forward through the front windshield, and you check your makeup in the little rear view mirror. The rear view mirror is considerably smaller than the windshield. The mirror is a good place check, to look back & gain perspective & to see where you have been. However if you try to drive the car by only looking back you will surely crash. (It is a natural reaction to pull to one side)

In life, just like when driving a car, we need to focus on what is in front of us, to spend our time in the present, looking forward - It is important that we recognize & acknowledge where we have come from, it certainly makes us who we are today, however we can not LIVE in the past, hoping and wishing that things would be that way again. Life changes, time passes, we have to look ahead and try to figure out how to learn and grow from our past and make us better people for our today.

I have been giving allot of thought to things like this over these past few months.....

A friend attempts suicide, I spend hours and hours just listening, walking, just being there. Praying. The whole time I am thinking, I am not qualified, I do not know how to help, I am in over my head. I learn I can help simply by being available, and by listening.

Teryn & Royd go to a concert one Friday night, and the floor in front of the stage collapses. An estimated 40 kids fall through the floor into the basement. Teryn and 2 friends fall through. A few weeks of school are missed due to a minor concussion, and post traumatic stress issues. Minor when you think of what could have been ! It could have been A WHOLE LOT WORSE. There were 100's of kids there, nothing was in the basement below them, it was a "clean" fall, it was only a small area of floor... kids remained fairly calm!

I go for my routine mammogram in May and it shows another tumor in my right breast. Here we go again! 13 Months after the first surgery where the surgeon thougth she got it all, the margins were clear here we are again - facing surgery, facing cancer, facing the removal of my right breast, facing recovery, facing we do not know what.
What I do know for certain is that I could choose to mope and feel sorry for my self, ooh poor me I have breast cancer, but WHY there is nothing I can do about it - it is what it is - I can not change this... HOWEVER I can control my reaction...I can choose to be a voice, to remind family and friends to get a regular mammogram, to do self exams at home, I can choose to learn and grow & help others. Why me, I do not have the answer to that however I am not questioning it at all. It is what it is - there are some things we do not know and there are some things we know..

It is a rare type (Phelloydes Tumors account for less than 1% of all breast cancers world wide.
It is not life threatening
It grows fast
It does not spread often
It has a high rate of re-occurrence
It does not respond to Chemo-therapy or radiation
Success rate of surgery is VERY HIGH

The other thing I know with out a shadow of a doubt is that God knows what is going on and he will give me what I need to deal with the whole thing. It is all o.k. it is being taken care of.

In light of the 2nd Cancer diagnosis we have closed Remember Me after almost 11 years, we are done. A very tough decision, however I know hat it was the right decision FOR SURE.

All of these were fairly major twists and turns in a fairly short period of time, we chose to face them head on, learn and grow. The responsibility now is to use the lessons learned to aid others. To keep my focus on the road ahead not the road already travelled. No matter what the twists are or how many of them there are, in each and everyone of them I have a choice! I can either grumble and be unhappy about it or I can CHOOSE to find the good, to enjoy the moment for what it is, to simply live in the present and not look back.

I found this amazing Youtube video called "The Last Lecture" well worth the hour plus to watch. I was challenged, I was encouraged and I was totally inspired by Randy Pausch and his "Achieving your Childhood Dreams" lecture. Watch it and let me know your first reaction....

When did it happen.....

2008-02-04T20:54:00.000-08:00

I just had one of those moments - you know the ones when you stop dead in your tracks and wonder when or how did that happen.

The reality of parental roll reversal hit me in the face. . Just like "THEY" say it will! (who ever "THEY" are...) That day our parents begin look to for help and advise the same way we looked to them when we were children or the day our children to do the same! That fateful day when we look in the mirror and see our mothers looking back at us and know that the day is here! Or in my case today when we see a glimpse into our own future of our children caring for us.... YIKES!

I know that for me it has been a graduall process, I have always been told that I look like my mom, so when I look in the mirror and see my mom looking back it is no surprise - I have been expecting her to show up! Just as she expected her mother to show up. . . . I know that for a number of years, I have been "helping" - asking questions that indicate the slow process of the reversal.

For instance, Mom right this moment is basking in the sun in the Carribean, on some luxury ocean liner with 9 of her girlfriends (I am sure the ship will never be the same! Hopefully neither will my Mom.) Before she left, I asked questions like, do you have all our phone numbers, email addresses with you in case of emergency, is your will up to date, where is the banking information, we talked about the "what if's... what if you are delayed, what if you get lost in the Bermuda Triangle.. etc. I made sure she left a copy of her itnerary, that she had sun screen (and told her to wear it!!!) joked about not talking to strangers, and wearing clean underware, and not to take lots of cash with her in her handbag, but to "wear" the extra... just like grandma did (tucked inside her bra!), and always make sure you have your ID with you!~ Like she has never travelled before. When did that happen??? When did I begin to ask these sorts of questions of my mother?

However here is the KICKER - the moment that stopped me dead in my tracks.... tonight Shanna is in the kitchen making cookies, from start to finish from scratch, by herself (my baby is growing up!) She knows that I would rather eat the cookie dough than the baked cookies... and she asks ME if I want to lick the beater.... SMACK! IT hit me, the roll has begun to reverese!

Gone are the days when she would stand tippy toed on the stool beside me as I would mix the cookies and beg to lick the beater! When did that happen?
You blink and they are 12! Learning, brilliant, and determined to do it on her own!

I had hoped that I would have a few years of independent living - before they would begin the process of caring for me, it would seem that in reality it is a gradual process that begins when you are least expecting it. It would apear that it happened overnight! At least I know that they will be there, and I will at the very least be offered the beaters!