Simply sad....

So many things in my life are good.  It is not perfect, but it IS good.

Simple things truly make me happy;

Family & friends.
Watching a one year old discover bubbles.
The first signs of cherry blossoms showing their pink ruffles.
Hearing my favorite song on the radio.
A good book, or a good cup of Cinnamon coffee.
A random meeting with an old friend in the mall.
Laughter, the kind that ends with tears rolling down my cheeks . . . . . . . Truly simple things!

Too bad life is not always simple.

Sometimes things happen that strip that simplicity.

Things that on every level are complex. 

Today at the beginning of my relatively simple happy life,  I read this...
Up In Flames

A blog entry written by my friend Chantelle, director of the Niger Vocational Girls at Risk School, this is where I was in September of 2011, working with the girls, learning from these girls, falling in love with these girls.  I left a chunk of my heart there with these girls.  Today as I read, my heart was broken, deep down in a I am helpless, what can I do sort of way. 

Up in flames... very litterally,  a few days ago, the local market, the market I shopped in, bought fabric in & walked through, was burned to the ground. Chantelle's blog entry shows before and after photos, it tore at the core of my beeing.   Before I even finished reading I had tears streaming down my face, and I felt totally & utterly helpless.  WHY?  Do these people not struggle enough?  HOW will they even begin to rebuild?  It seems so unfair   So many people who had so little to start with now have nothing..... litterally NOTHING but ashes and chared messes where livelyhood once stood.

Fire is devastating in any uncontained form, but like this it is unfathomable.  Homes & jobs can be lost, all that a family has can be wiped out in the blink of an eye.  We truly have no comprehension of such loss here in North America where we have fire regulations, insurance,  built in sprinkler systems, not to mention resources to rebuild.  In Niger, where the economic situation is bleek at best, a land where water is scarce, famine has a stronghold & where refugees are streaming in from surrounding countries  by the 1000's, adding to the stress on resources, a fire like this has unmeasureable consequences. 

My heart is there with these people, as they try to look ahead to what comes next. Praying they find the strength, resources and courage to move forward.  Wondering if there is anything that can be done from here.  It is complicated...  sending $$ may be easy for us, but is it best for those there in Niamey?  Culturally is it best for them?  Is that what need?  Or do we go, with hammer in hand to help build?  Work beside them as they reclaim their livelyhoods?  No matter what happens,  one thing for sure, it is going to be a long, long journey. 





 

Wishing I could do more....

I LOVE roller coasters. I have been on too many to count.  I have loved them from the first time I rode the Dragon Coaster at Playland I think I was 5 maybe 6, waving grandparents watching from the sidelines, all smiles, camera ready. Ever since, the roller coaster is my favourite, be they, steel, wooden, small, large, hilly, inverted, fast, slow, outside, inside, strapped in by the shoulders or just a simple bar, I love them all.  The faster the better.  All provide some thrill, excitement and lots of laughter.  To say I have met a Roller Coaster I do not like would be an understatement, however this roller coaster called life sometimes leaves little to be desired.

True, it is full of ups and downs, thrills and laughter, however, sometimes you feel like you are strapped in by the shoulder and others, well,  you feel like you are holding on for dear life with little restraint at all.  Sometimes it just feels like the dips are too deep, the turns are too quick and just when you think you are coming into a smooth patch, you are jerked along again dipping and speeding .... with little response time. Sometimes you just want to stand by the side, camera ready, wave and smile.  To just have a different perspective, a rest, a chance to catch your breath if you will.... Deep breath... a deep deep breath. 

I am feeling a little like that right now, not so much my own life but that of friends,  I want to help, to be able to reach out and offer a steady hand, or a platform in which they can stand on just to catch their breath.  Sadly distance prevents that from happening, I offer support from a distance and that is good, BUT it is not the same as a shoulder to cry on or a hug, or the simple silence of a friend who is just there. 
Prayer, a connection of faith, is the only thing outside of words that I can offer, and offer them I do, to the point of tears, wishing, praying hoping things today will be different.  Hoping beyond hope that they will have a chance to come up for air, to breath in deeply.  I wish I could do more but do not know where to start without stepping on toes and getting in the way.  So I pray - trust that they will call when they know what they need, KNOWING that we will be there at the drop of a hat to do what is needed.

What's his is more mine than mine is.....

It's true.  Royd's extended family is more my family than my own extended family.  I suppose that distance, different views of life, divorce, adoption, and in the extreme case not even knowing we had extended family on mom's side all add up to cousins who I rarely see or have anything in common with. 

My dad is one of 3 boys.  Bob, did not have any children.  Larry, has 7 and the last time I saw more than one of them was at Grandma's memorial service - 12 years ago.  Gulp!  I do have one cousin that I keep in random contact via Facebook, he is likely the only one who would recognize me if we passed on the street.  However it is a contact in the case of family emergency... Sad, yup, but that is the reality in the world of the Rogers boys. My mom, well that is a long story and you can read more about that here.  Suffice to say, I have more cousins on that side than I even knew existed before 2008.

Royd's family on the other hand feels like how I always imagined family should be.  Certainly not perfect, and there is certainly some disconnect there as well, however the ties that bind are much tighter. Royd's dad is one of 10. Royd is one of 30 grandchildren, 15 boys & 15 girls.  When Ashlynn was born I think we calculated that she was the 30th great grand child - since then that generation has exploded and I have lost track.  Last weekend as many who could make it gathered for a Christmas get together, it was a loud, happy, joyous affair.  By Hilstad standards there were very few there (33 I think) but those who were not there were certainly there in spirit, talked about (in a good way), remembered and cherished. 

I remember my first ever Christmas gathering, there must have been 50 or more gathered in Art's house (Royd's dad's). To say I was overwhelmed was an understatement.   At the time Royd and I were 'just friends' truly, and honestly 'just friends' good friends albeit, but just friends. I was feeling a little shy and just wanted to observe.  That did not matter to the aunts and uncles... I was as good as married to the guy - after all at 20ish he had never brought another girl to the shin dig, grandpa & grandma loved me, and I sassed a few of them back (in a most playful polite sort of way)... I was invited back the next year by Uncle Larry then and there. I am sure that Royd had not thought that far in advance.  To say the least I was welcomed into the fold and totally engulfed by the love that is this family.  20 some odd years later, it truly is more my family than my own is. And you know what that is o.k. my family is what it is and I am happy to embrace my husbands extended family in the same way they have embraced me.  I am glad for my girls, that they can be a part of it knowing that they have a place to belong, aunts & uncles who look forward to seeing how much they have grown each year.  Cousins, to play games with, tease and interact with or little ones to entertain.  This is what family is supposed to be.  Even if there are months or years between visits.. you pick up where you left off, give a hug and in the Hilstad family, grab a coffee and a piece of Lefsa and settle in for a good visit.   Looking forward to this summer when we will gather for an Aunt & Uncle's 50th anniversary - now that will be a party!  Watch out Saskatchewan the Hilstads are coming......

No where near 40 days and 40 nights.....

However it is likely around 40 seconds that saved us from a minor not so natural disaster. Whew, timing really is everything. No harm done, and oddly enough it caused gales of laughter, well maybe that is not so odd around here!

Teryn and I were watching a "My Life in Ruins" as Ashlynn was doing dishes. Distracted because she had never seen the movie, she was standing in the living room watching as the kitchen sink filled with water. A fair bit of time passed as she stood there, all of a sudden it dawned on me, hmm I hear water running and all bodies home are in this room. I yelped.... "UM... the water is running who is in there" Which snapped Ashlynn out of her dazed distraction with a dash to the kitchen that could have broken world records, to rescue the kitchen from flooding. The soap bubbles, were not quite at the Brady Bunch legendary laundry episode level, but very close to spilling onto the floor. The water less than a cm from the rim of the sink. Whew, one not so natural avoided.

This is what brought the gales of laughter

Then this, poor unsuspecting soul, still very much distracted by the movie......

Yup, pretty much a typical day around here.