This time last year.....

Time flies, more so when you are having fun, just not as fast when you are not. This time last year I was sitting in the waiting room at Eagle Ridge Hospital, on my fun scale not at the top of my list. However I am thankful I live in a country that allows equal access to health care to everyone. That things like mammograms are available to all women who are "of age" or are considered "high risk" and that when something like "cancer" pops up, you receive treatment, not based on if you can afford it, but because you need it.


Last year I was:


Waiting - in lovely extra long green socks, with a stunning gown / robe combination that I am sure would make ALL the worst dressed list. Best thing about waiting, is the heated blankets.


Anxious - a little


Fearful - not really


Relieved - for sure, it was finally happening - get the cancer out of me and let's be done with it forever!


Hungry - well duh..no food or water from midnight the night before. Funny how when you are told you CAN'T eat all you want to do is eat. However when you do not eat breakfast it does not faze you.


Worried - a little about not waking up, but not about the procedure. Getting "knocked out" is letting go of control. I do not think I have control issues for the most part, however when things are totally out of your control it is a weird thing to think about.


Trusting - God and knowing that ultimately he IS in control.


Wondering - about recovery, pain, appearance. I would be lying if I was not wondering or concerned about any of those things.



This year I am


Recovering - there are still days that I am totally whipped out. (There have been 3 surgeries since the initial one. My body is not sure what "normal" is.)


Glad -it is over. All doctors involved are happy with the results.


Happy - that I just had breakfast.

Grateful beyond measure to those who have walked beside me, prayed for me, supported in so many practical ways. I am blessed despite difficult circumstances. God is good all the time!




There are certainly scars, both physical and emotional that will in some cases never be gone. Physically I feel good, though the few extra pounds that I put on while recovering are not making me happy. I am in the process of doing something about those. Emotionally I think that when ever you hear the word "cancer" and it is associated with your body, you will always have this niggling little thing that just hovers there. A thing that can not be described as a feeling or a thought, but it is just there, in your sub conscious niggling away... will it return? Have I truly recovered . I try hard not to dwell on it and live each day to the fullest.

Nothing in this life is guaranteed, but for right now I am very glad this year is BEHIND us and that today is the first on a new journey. Each day is a journey for all of us, we do not know what lays ahead, we do not know what awaits us around the next bend - we do have a choice in each day we live, to make the most of it or make little of it. Over the last year, I certainly have had those days where I did not really feel like doing anything, I am thankful that those "dark" days were few and far between, and that life is certainly an adventure I do not want to miss out on.
Seize the day........

Better late than never...

On October 1st Stacy Julian, scrapbooking friend and mega star issued a challenge. To give yourself a present by recording one day in photo's and create a mini album. Then carry that little album around with you, or put it somewhere you will see it often, for one year, look at it and appreciate life when ever you stumble over it in your purse or drawer etc. Then one year later create a page about the experience. It sounded like a cool idea. I thought, I think I can handle a mini album 10 pictures (mine ended up being more) while I am at home resting and recuperating. I knew I had photo's to pull from. So I took Stacy up on the challenge and created a little album. I love it! It was fun to do something creative.

However I did not follow up part 2 of the challenge and send photo's of it back to Stacy or post the pictures here on my blog because, well I did not think my day rated. The day was not particularly different than any other of late, but it is not one of those cheery life is good sort of renditions. It is a fairly honest look at the things that make up life 8 days post surgery.

Then I thought - hey this IS today THIS is what LIFE looks like for me right now. In the middle of fighting Breast Cancer, having a mastectomy, resting and recovering... it may be hard, it may be painful, it may be sad - but it is what it is and it IS MY LIFE today. I do not want to forget where I am today, or what we have gone through as a family because of this - This will be important, it will be a page in the history books of my life & my family's. Despite the challenge that is this disease I KNOW that I have it pretty good, the tumor is gone, the pathology reports have come back good and there is no follow up treatment required at this time. It could be so much more challenging, ugly and hard. But it is not so it is GOOD!

Life is not guaranteed, there will be highs and lows, challenges and celebrations. Everyday is different - everyday is new - everyday is a chance to make the best of it. Everyday we wake up and have 24 hours to make choices and live the life we have been given. We can make choices that make life miserable or we can make choices that make life worth living. But we have a CHOICE..... it is ours and ours alone.

So here I am 2 weeks after creating my "PRESENT" and I am finally posting. (and I emailed Stacy with a link...challenge complete!) I realized that no matter what this will still be a very valuable exercises - because LIFE ONE YEAR later will be so very different. It may be better, it may be worse, we do not know for sure but one thing that is certain it will look a whole lot different than this day that I recorded. Let's see what the journey will bring, what adventure will follow. I am willing to travel and see what I will learn from this day forward..

Here are some pics of my Present... a photo journey of today ( well actually a 72 hour period) created October 3rd, 2008.

I am left handed BUT...

With my right arm is out of commission for the most part, I have noticed that I live pretty much in right hand dominance... except for when I grab a pen to write or fork to eat - my primal instinct kicks in there and it is LEFT hand all the way. Whew! Fore everything else I have to engage the brain - make a concious effort - to think about what I am doing.

Here are a few things I did NOT think about.... OUCH!!!!!!11

Computer mouse - even with the touch pad on the laptop - co-ordinating ones left hand to do the job your brain is telling your right hand to do.... with pain meds in your system.. is a long process of hit and miss.

Camera - (self timer is good - holding it to take more than 1 or 2 shots not good)

Pulling a jug of milk out of the fridge causes great pain when you do not think about which hand you use - my natural instinct is to reach with the right!

Taking things out of the microwave.... see above

Fastening my jeans near to impossible ( I do have the buttons on a shirt mastered! Just wear T-shirts!)

Opening a door

I thought I'd scrapbook a little, but using the paper trimmer & the pulling action of the slider- not so smart. Thankfully good old fashioned scissors work best in my left hand. (I did manage a little project - more on that later)

Trying to pull up bed covers, or adjust a pillow...

Washing my hair one handed... Thankfully my hair is SHORT.

Sadly most of these things happen before I think and then the pain hits me like a 2 x 4. One would think that after one such incident I would learn.. not so much! Oh well - there is hope.

It is crazy the number of things we do in a day that we just DO, we do not think about HOW we do them, we just do them. 100's of things everyday. Then when something happens that hinders the natural process - it can be frustrating, challenging and a good brain work out. However in light of all the "non-thinking, slightly painful moments" I have been having recovery is progressing well. Today the itching is minimal (YIPEE!!!!). The home care nurse just left and said that the drain area looks great! (we are just waiting for fluid to be less than 30 cc/ 24 hour period before that sucker is GONE!) When I think before acting, I am able to keep to the pain meds only at night - rolling over = shooting, totaly uncomfortable pain, that is easily avoided with a T3 and a regular strength Tylenol kicker.

Doctors & nurses are pleased with the progress and tell me to keep doing what I am doing because what ever it is is working in my favour.

Crossing my fingers that the drain comes out Wed! Then I can take small adventures out of the house.

Thankfully that typing is not so bad when the injured wing is tucked in close to my side. Though more than 10 minutes at a time is not so smart.