Getting shot and the reaction that followed

Niamey Niger West Africa - Not to be confused with Nigeria
Niger borders Nigeria on the North is the largest Nation in West Africa. 
Ranked #167 out of 169 rated countries on the 2010 UN's Human development index. 
(Canada ranks # 8)

Simply put Niger is second from the bottom of poorest places in the world to live.
The average number of years people attend school is 1.4 (expected years = 4.3)
(Canadian average is 11.5  (expected years = 16))
Average life expectancy at birth is 52 years
(Canadian  81 years)

And this will be home for 3 weeks - And I am excited to go live in this sub-sahara desert region. That being so, there are several precautions I need to take to ensure optimal health while I am there and when I return home. Simply put I had to get shot... 345$ later I should be healthy as a horse while I am there.  I am covered for...
Yellow Fever (must have this or you will not be allowed to enter the country)
Booster of  Polio, Measles, Mumps and Rubella
Typhoid (oral to take 1 week before departure)
Hep A & B
And anti Malaria meds for when I am there & when I get home.
Thankfully my Tetanus is up to date but of course I would be one of the 5% who have a reaction to the shots.  For 2 days after I was poked I felt off, then the bumps showed up, they were itchy little bumps too & there were TONS of them everywhere. So not cool, esp when they last a whole week, the worst was the little bump under the nail of my pinkie finger. You really do not appreciate your pinkie until it is out of the game due to injury.
Praying that the orals I have to take closer to departure will not have any lingering affects, I certainly do not want to fly feeling less than 100%. I am a little apprehensive, the last time I had a Typhoid vaccine I was so out of it I fell asleep at a concert - nice date I was- that would suck if I had to fly sick.

Dreams come true.... AFRICA here I come

I remember the exact moment in 6th grade, when the travel bug hit.  I was sitting listening to Tawney Owl (my brownie leader, yes that is really what we called her) talk about being born in Australia and the wonders of her homeland - I can see exactly where I was sitting, what I was wearing, what photos she was showing.  I knew there & then that one of my life goals would be to visit this amazing land I was hearing about. 

That dream came true in 1982, the year I graduated.  It was during that adventure that my desire to travel was ingrained in the core of my being.  I love everything about it, anticipating, packing, having a passport, long car rides, long bus rides,  airports (best place ever to people watch), flying,  all of it is fascinating to me...not to mention, new places, new people, new foods, sights, sounds, it is all exciting. 

I started dreaming of places I would love to visit.... Newfoundland & PEI, Rocky Mountains (done, Canada & USA) , Swiss Alps, Israel, Spain, Africa (planning stages), Paris (done), China, Norway, Italy, Antarctica... basically I decided way back then that I would pretty much go anywhere if the opportunity presented it's self.

I would love to be able to say that I have stepped foot on every continent & seen the 7 wonders of the world before I die... we will see if that ever comes to be, in the mean time I will go... I will take advantage of the opportunities presented and I will be thankful.

One such opportunity has presented it's self and I am jumping in with both feet and totally excited to be doing so.   Early in September I will be boarding a plane and heading to Niger West Africa for 3 weeks.  An opportunity of a life time and I am so totally amazed & excited that it is happening.  I will be helping at the Niger Vocational Training School (Girls @ risk school) teaching sewing projects, and what ever else needs to be done.  I can not wait!

Work continued, holidays happened.....

A few days of work turned into a few more, then those few more turned into a few more, it's all good.   I am certainly grateful as Summer is the perfect time for me to pick up some work.  No worries about calls from school needing me to be there ASAP to pick up, take home or to doctors.  It's all good, BUT blogging gets sidetracked, life happens  and is happening there is much to tell but time seems to be at a premium.  I miss writing, I miss blogging.  My mind still runs a mile a minute with TONS of ideas to blog about, I just never get here to put it down. 

So here is a nutshell version of the past few months...

June - Final Dance show of the year (Ashlynn's final dance show ever = a little sadness), school is out,  July 1st Canada day celebration fast approaching, worked for a few days. Burnaby Farmers market starts, I sell KICS Lemonade, a few Saturdays.  Got several shots in prep for Africa - reacted mildly,no surprise there, recovered, all is good. June flies by.

July - July 1st = Canada day celebration at Church = crazy insane time at our house for a few days.  Worked some more, holidays come . . .
6 days spent with friends at their cottage at Shushwap lake = fun despite the lousy weather.  We love spending time at the lake.  We taught a few new games and played many rounds. Read lots, watched a few movies and did not let the lack of sunshine ruin the fun. Laughs, movies bad weather does not hinder our fun, only the swimming.  My new swim suit did not get used.   The up side of rainy weather = AMAZING rainbow.  Sadly I was in the car at the time and my camera was back at the cottage, but you can trust me it was totally AMAZING, stretching from one side of the lake to the other in a vibrant colourful double arch.  Spectacular!
Home for about 24 hours to do laundry and re-pack then pack the car, add a tent and a few other supplies and we are off for another 5 days.  Creationfest Northwest 2011 here we come.  Please God no rain.... it rained the first night AFTER we set up our tent and had it well tarped - this I can handle.  The next day was slightly sprinkley then the sun burst out and shone for the rest of the festival.  Perfect!  Now we are back home, I am back at work, will be back at the Farmers Market this weekend, and life feels busy.  I feel like I need another vacation and I have only been back for 2 days.  July seems to have flown by as well. 

My grandma was so right when she said, time flies faster when you get older.  I knew she was one smart cookie! 

Left on a jet plane....

Royd has flown the coop! No worries, no tears, if all goes according to plan he will return next Sunday morning. However when travelling one has to be flexible so we will see.....

The alarm went off at this morning EARLY (or late depending on your perspective)....

3:10 am!

What a good wife / friend I am. I was the designated driver, to have Royd and 2 others to the airport for 4:30ish AM....Yes that reads AM, and that is when my day started, or was it ending? The jury is out on that one as I really did not sleep much before. Being the night owl that I tend to be sometimes I thought that it would be worse to go to bed early and get up than it would be to stay up. I know many of you out there are groaning, knowing that it would not work that way for you. It has been o.k. I came home and had a Longish (3.5 hour) nap, or a short sleep depending on how you want to look at it. That worked quite quite well, it will not be a regular bed time tonight.... I am off to bed very soon. (and right now it is before 11:00).

Actually I quite enjoy going to the airport and time of day truly does not factor in. I have been known to drive from Vancouver to Seattle with an infant to visit a friend from the East Coast of the USA, who is on layover for a few hours, simply because I had not seen her in a few years and well, it would be a fun adventure. So do not feel too sorry for me I volunteered for the adventure, and would do it again in a heartbeat.

However it is all a little bit odd, there is something wrong with this picture...and it is just starting to sink in, Royd left today for a week in Cuba. On a plane, travelling further than he has ever gone before....without me. Do not get me wrong, it is about time he had the opportunity to go, to spread his wings, to see something new and I am happy he is able to go and truly happy that he is able to to this without me. Not that I would not love to go to Cuba... One day... down the road.... my turn will come. It's just odd, roles have switched.

It is odd being the one to drive away from departure drop off and standing on the curb watching the car drive off. It has never happened in all the years we have been together. It is usually me suitcase in hand, business trips, school trips, excited to be going. This is the first time I have been looking in the rear view mirror to see if they he is in the terminal or if he is waving. (there was no wave!) It felt a little odd, not bad or wrong, just odd. I know that this will be a great adventure and I am so glad he is able to go, however I am a little sad to be left behind, but it is all good. We will have adventures of our own while he is away. It has been a very full day, and one full of adventures for sure, more on that later when my brain is not so foggy from odd sleep patterns of the day.

So here I sit, at home...
The plane should be landing in Cuba in a few hours...
I wonder what the day will hold, if he will remember to put on the sunscreen, if he really did pack a hat? Oh well there is little I can do about that now. I do know that the 374 bracelet kits I made and sent for them to make with the kids they meet are in the suitcases and he has a camera.. I just hope that he actually takes it with him and uses it!
Now I am off to bed and one thing I know for sure is that the alarm will NOT be set for 3:10AM.

I miss her still...

Today I was thinking about posting my top 10 Olympic moments then I noticed the date, March 1st. My Gran would have turned 96 today, had she not passed 12 years ago. The Olympics will have to wait, as my head is full of Gran memories...

12 years
Oh how they have flown by, truly in the blink of an eye. Memories are held much dearer, the tears flow less frequently, but they still sneak up at the oddest times. Like when I open my recipe book cupboard.. It smells like her house. Or sitting in the middle of a theater performance and the actress says or does something - even humorous - that is just like Gran, the flood waters open up! No warning.

Someone once told me that the depth of your love and caring can be measured by the number of tears that you shed. I shed LOTS of tears, my kids tease me often about them - forget the simple eye roll, I get the whole body roll. Oh Canada gets me every time, as do sad stories in books or in movies. Oh well! I make no apology for them at all. They are as much a part of my personality as is my being left handed. There is little I can do or choose to do about them.... I just let them flow. One would think I would always remember to carry tissue, sadly not so much....

12 years
I wonder if she would recognize the girls, now 17, 16 and 14. They are beautiful young women, then they were adorable little girls. Interestingly enough each of them have their own unique memories of Great Grandma P - I love that. Though she is gone she is often talked about. Her zest and love of life, people and places are things I want to instill in my girls. Much of who I am today is because of who she was, and how she viewed life.

12 years
The world is a different place and as much as I would love to spend just one more day with her I would not wish her back to a 96 year old body or life in a nursing home. I am thankful for the life she lived and she lived it well. I am thankful for the time I had, the lessons I gleaned and the laughter we shared. 12 years or 20 I will always have that.

12 years and 12 memories...

My first movie in a real theater was with my Gran. Disney's "Song of the South".

Sleep overs at Grans were met with homemade waffles and milkshakes for breakfast.
(sshh do not tell your mom you had a milkshake for breakfast!)

Trips to the flea market at the drive in theater where she taught me the skill of bartering. She could get anyone to come down to a dime on most items (likely not really, but it seemed like that to me way back then)

She gave me my first camera. My love of all things photo related were encouraged by her, nurtured by hours sitting side by side on her couch looking at all her photo albums.

Trips to Stanley Park, riding the miniature train and going to the Zoo.. yes there really was a zoo at Stanley park. We would mimic the monkeys and avoid the bat cage. (She understood my great fear)

Gran always had our best interest at heart... Each visit usually netted a dollar or 2 with a hushed no go out to the garage and visit with Grandpa and do not tell him I gave you any money.... So off to the garage we would go and Grandpa would hand us a dollar or 2 and pretty much tell us the same thing... Do not tell Gran. Too funny, I am sure they knew what was going on but for me it was a great game. Not to mention profitable.

Never did we make it through a dinner with out the announcement of dessert, often we did not even get our food on our plates before she was telling us to leave room for dessert. It often went like this... Butter Tarts (her signature), Apple Pie, Lemon Pie (my fave), Flapper Pie (my Dad's favorite)and if my uncle was there Raisin pie (eww still makes me cringe!) and there was ALWAYS ice cream just in case no one wanted pie. Dessert was a big deal to Gran.

She taught me how to crochet. She tried to teach me to knit, however my being left handed hindered that in a big way. My 12th birthday gift - my first grandma made afghan is still one of my faves, snuggling under it is like a hug straight from her.

Long road trips (from Vancouver to 100 Mile) stopping at every bus station (we were driving) for snacks (she brought 3 10 gallon pails full of snacks... but never felt like what she packed at the time the bust station came into view) The 4 hour trip must have taken 8.

Hours and hours of singing silly songs at the top of our lungs. Songs about peanuts & rail road tracks or Pickles and nickles... Good times for sure.

One of my all time favorite Gran moments happened at the airport. Gran had been visiting a nephew in Korea for an extended length of time and we were at the airport to pick her up. We waited and waited, we knew the plane had landed, but there was no sign of Gran. We waited and watched the monitor some more, Dad was getting impatient, Mom was getting a little worried. Then I heard laughter that sounded like Gran.. Looking around I did not see her, then I heard my name. There standing not 4 feet from us was Gran... Grey hair and all! Grey, WOW, when she left it was her traditional jet black. She could not get to a hair dresser in Korea so she decided to let the black grow out. She walked right past us at the airport and stood and watched us stew. I laughed even then.

My Gran never met a stranger, each person that crossed her path was a potential friend and a friend was a friend for life. She taught me the value of laughing at yourself - if you can laugh at yourself, when others laugh at you it will not hurt! No one could cook like Gran but I learned a few tricks.

Yes it has been 12 years and I still miss her, I still occasionally shed a tear, but I have memories that will last a life time and for that I will forever be grateful!

TO DO LISTS.... I am not a huge fan!

A wise woman once told me to put "eat chocolate" at the top of any to do list you ever make to ensure that each day you will have at least one success. I loved it, not being a huge user of the "TO DO LIST" it simply made me laugh, and yes every time I do actually succumb and do make such a list, "EAT CHOCOLATE" goes right there at the top. We all need daily success in life.

Yesterday this same wise woman blogged "accomplish something everyday" basically 5 things you need to do each day to feel like you have arrived at the end of your day and accomplished something. Interestingly enough though her list does not include things like dusting and laundry or mom taxi service type things that "fill" our day and make us busy, but things that add meaning to life. She challenged everyone to make up their own list of 5 things.... I am taking her up on the challenge here is my list:

1) Preferably start the day with quiet time, reading, reflecting, journaling, praying. Listening to what God would have me hear. (certainly does not always happen, but the day goes much better when it does!)

2) Create - be inspired to create or visa-versa inspire others to create.

3) Connect beyond the surface level with at least one other person in the world. Encourage, draw beside, share the burden or the JOY

4) Live in the moment - be aware of what is going on around me so that I can be used as part of the bigger picture of this thing called LIFE

5) LAUGH - it heals hurts, breaks the ice, cleanses the soul and can get you through many dark spots. Never Laugh at someone else's expense, but laugh with them and enrich their life.

Oh ya... and EAT CHOCOLATE (preferably Dark - there are health benefits to that - or at least that is my story and I am sticking with it.)

If at the end of the day I have done the above I feel I have had a great day. The laundry, and dusting will be waiting for me (so will the "TO DO LIST") the next day. Or maybe by some divine act of spontaneous bump on the head one of the 3 teens that live in the house think...
"hey I think I will do a load of laundry just because we have this cool machine and I like to watch it go round and round"

Oh.. I should add DREAM to my list of daily "TO DO's".....
Happy TODO Day..
P.S. Thanks Stacy for the challenge!

Ripple affect...

Time flies in the blogging world just as it does in real life. You blink and months pass in what seem like seconds. I am continually amazed at how lives are intertwined, how one thing leads to the next and before you know it things snowball. I started to think about this on April 1st, yes April fools day. I was in bed and Royd came in and said that I HAD to get out of bed and come and watch the news, there was a clip that I had to see and it was all my fault that this was happening on the other side of the world. I obliged and went and waited, thinking what could possibly be my fault on the other side of the world....

You see, some 19 or so years ago a friend and I went on a late night neighbourhood romp with several rolls of Saran Wrap (Toilet paper was passe) and did 3 different cars, one being our pastors. It was great, no one expected us at first... Jump forward 4 or 5 years and said pastor was now living in Australia teaching at a Bible College and we decided that he needed to be "initiated" down under. So we wrote a letter addressed to the college - Attention: youth leader or something like that. Included in that letter was some $$$ and an explanation of "Saran Wrapping Cars" could you please go and do this pastor's car one day.... And they did. Now in 2009 this is what it has become.... WHO KNEW!





Who knows if it could be directly linked back to a simple letter written over a decade ago. But like a rock tossed into a still pond, the ripples reach far and wide. Maybe one friend told 2 people and those 2 people told 2 more... and so on and so on.... then someone who had heard about the crazy fun, thinks hey that would be a great April fools joke, they go ahead and low and behold the original letter writers 1000's of Kilometers away see the news clip. Full circle.... ripples reaching far and wide. Interesting to think how the ripples we make today could come back and affect us years down the road.

Was I kind today? Did I say or do something that made someone laugh, cry, feel loved, cared for? Did I send out good ripples? I sure hope so, I had some very intense, meaningful conversations today, about some life situations that are very very hard, health issues that have to be faced head on despite the deer in the headlight feeling of total shock and fog like reality of the moment. I pray that my words, were able to be a balm to the hurting, that I could ease the burden just a little by telling someone I care and that I will be praying. Even for just a moment in time - give hope.... I hope that I can sit down a decade from now and say remember when and share in the victory of healing and strength, rejoicing, celebrating - that would be a great return on my ripples (and the tears I shed today!)

3rd times a charm...

Every survival kit should include a sense of humor.

~Author Unknown

Or in our house every first aid kit..... because if we did not laugh I am sure that this week I would have gone crazy!

Today at 6:15pm the couch jumped out just as I was walking by and snapped my baby toe to an unsightly angle. OUCH! We pulled the peas out of the freezer and wrapped up the foot and hobbled to the car. Our destination: The local Emergency Room. This is our 3rd journey to an ER in less than a week. 3 trips, 3 reasons, 3 people.

3 photo's of my toe, confirmed what I already knew, the toe was broken. A toe can not possibly be at a 60 degree angle and not be broken. A less than 5 minute consult with the very young doctor one tug and a little pain the toe was buddy taped to her neighbour and we were sent hobbling on our way. In and out, and home inside of 2 hours. Not too bad if I do say so my self.

So just as I was beginning to re-gain some "NORMAL" in life, here we are. I am back to no driving for a bit, T3's are now my friend again and I have to rest for a day or 2. If you do not laugh you would go crazy! I think I may have to redefine "NORMAL"

I said that this was trip 3....

Trip 2 resulted in a 2.5 hour visit, 8$ in parking, an x-ray of one thumb and a plaster splint for Shanna. Who says she "fractured a ligament" when in fact she pulled a ligament and fractured the bone. She just got it a little muddled.

Trip one 5 hours, extensive blood work, ultra sound, 18$ in parking and a diagnosis... just the same old thing... Teryn's IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) was acting up. It is not an odd thing for Teryn and I to spend time in the ER, however you begin to wonder if you are there too many times when the Doc comes in and says..."hmm, I remember seeing you before"

Despite the fact that we have spent so many hours in various ER's this week I am thankful that we have the ER to go to. We are fortunate, we are privileged to have such service provided for us. Sure waits are long at times, but think about how many people in this world do not have that privileged, who may never actually have the chance to see a doctor let alone have an x-ray taken or blood work done. I do not mind waiting knowing that my family will receive the care they need. Perspective is a great thing!

I wonder what experiences this week will have us laughing. Let's just hope we can leave the first aid kit packed.

Better than I could say myself

I do a fair bit of blog reading these days, there are a few that I go to on a regular basis to catch up and keep up. I read blogs from a variety of sources, friends, family, business associates, & scrapbooker extraordinaire. I am often provoked to think, challenged to create and often inspired. Today was no exception.

I thought this worth passing on.... TODAY IS SIGNIFICANT . Posted by Royd's cousins wife Jen, a woman who I have come to admire and respect. Mother of 4 boys, advocate of adoption, and a woman of strong faith. Her post is worth thinking about, it would make a great scrapbook page, and it is truth! I hope you all will take a moment to check it out and think on it.

Remember that today, no matter what today holds is significant. Time is precious and perspective can truly be an interesting thing.

So excited...

Many would look upon this venture as sheer torture, I however am totally excited. I received a phone call last week from the girls band teacher asking me to consider chaperoning the SR. Band trip. 10 days with 20 - 25 grade 11 & 12 students, who would say no. I imagine that many would, however I am looking forward to this adventure.

Last year the trip to Nelson with the grade 10's was a ton of fun. It was great to see my daughter in her own element, away from home, away from family, see her in action with her friends. To see another side of her.

The fact that this trip is to Europe is a mild tug. Who am I fooling, I am one of those people who would go anywhere in this world if the ticket presented itself. And I am totally excited about the possibility of seeing the sights & sounds of London and Paris. The trip itinerary is jammed packed with all the "must see" things in both of those great cities. I am sure it will be an adventure to remember.

I have to confess that I have longed to see many of the sites of Paris since reading of Nichole's adventures in France. I am looking forward to seeing . . . . .

Better late than never...

On October 1st Stacy Julian, scrapbooking friend and mega star issued a challenge. To give yourself a present by recording one day in photo's and create a mini album. Then carry that little album around with you, or put it somewhere you will see it often, for one year, look at it and appreciate life when ever you stumble over it in your purse or drawer etc. Then one year later create a page about the experience. It sounded like a cool idea. I thought, I think I can handle a mini album 10 pictures (mine ended up being more) while I am at home resting and recuperating. I knew I had photo's to pull from. So I took Stacy up on the challenge and created a little album. I love it! It was fun to do something creative.

However I did not follow up part 2 of the challenge and send photo's of it back to Stacy or post the pictures here on my blog because, well I did not think my day rated. The day was not particularly different than any other of late, but it is not one of those cheery life is good sort of renditions. It is a fairly honest look at the things that make up life 8 days post surgery.

Then I thought - hey this IS today THIS is what LIFE looks like for me right now. In the middle of fighting Breast Cancer, having a mastectomy, resting and recovering... it may be hard, it may be painful, it may be sad - but it is what it is and it IS MY LIFE today. I do not want to forget where I am today, or what we have gone through as a family because of this - This will be important, it will be a page in the history books of my life & my family's. Despite the challenge that is this disease I KNOW that I have it pretty good, the tumor is gone, the pathology reports have come back good and there is no follow up treatment required at this time. It could be so much more challenging, ugly and hard. But it is not so it is GOOD!

Life is not guaranteed, there will be highs and lows, challenges and celebrations. Everyday is different - everyday is new - everyday is a chance to make the best of it. Everyday we wake up and have 24 hours to make choices and live the life we have been given. We can make choices that make life miserable or we can make choices that make life worth living. But we have a CHOICE..... it is ours and ours alone.

So here I am 2 weeks after creating my "PRESENT" and I am finally posting. (and I emailed Stacy with a link...challenge complete!) I realized that no matter what this will still be a very valuable exercises - because LIFE ONE YEAR later will be so very different. It may be better, it may be worse, we do not know for sure but one thing that is certain it will look a whole lot different than this day that I recorded. Let's see what the journey will bring, what adventure will follow. I am willing to travel and see what I will learn from this day forward..

Here are some pics of my Present... a photo journey of today ( well actually a 72 hour period) created October 3rd, 2008.

Really random.... really bugs me..

I consider myself to be a reasonable woman, most of the time.

I do not think myself as high maintenance, or high needs, I can survive with fairly simple creature comforts. I mean come on, I LOVE to camp and in a TENT! I do not loose it too often, nor do I fly off the handle easily, my feathers though not always neat and primped are rarely ruffled to the point of being crazed.

However this drives me CRAZY! And can send me into a full blown flap at times, though far less now than it used to that is for sure.

I am not sure how many times I have given the "replace the roll" lecture at my house.... Or given the demonstration in true "Stewardess" fashion, picture the beginning of every flight seat belt demonstration - no words are needed - concise ,deliberate slow movement instructions that ANYONE can follow. Apparently not EVERYONE!

This is not rocket science people - it is actually quite simple, and takes less than 20 seconds - seriously less than 20 seconds. It may take longer if one is required to actually get up to "find" the supply in storage. It is a common courtesy, that is often not even considered. The world would be a much happier place, well at least the momma in this house would be happier, and you know what they say.... "If mama is happy then EVERYONE is happy!"

Take a close look at these photos.... and you will know why it drives me crazy, there was no searching needed in either location.... no getting up even. The process could have been completed efficiently without delay. Apparently it is too much to ask.

I do not think it is unreasonable to have the TP with in reach, and more often than not I am the one that hits the bathroom when it is gone. Now if I was totally thinking clearly I would look before I sat, but no... I do not think ahead like that... And it does not seem to matter where - home, work, public restrooms, if someone is going to sit and find an empty roll it will be me. I have been the person in the public restroom stall, in true "Seinfeld" style asking for TP. I think it is the "Murphy's law of my life". Good thing I have a good sense of humor and am learning not to "sweat the small stuff."

I do realize that it is a tad bit unreasonable to let it ruffle the feathers at times, in the bigger picture of life it really is SMALL stuff and it is not that big a deal. And I am continually thankful that I NEVER have to worry about the toilet seat, it is ALWAYS down in the position it was designed to be in. For that I am grateful.

For something totally random but yet related:

Here is the "History of T.P."

there is actually a website called "Toilet paper world"

Here is to a day where our feathers do not get ruffled!

One step forward Two steps back....

Agh, nothing about this tumor, disease, monster is easy... Yes I know it could be far worse and I do keep that in mind everyday...BUT... it seems that it has not been straight forward from the beginning. It seems like I take one step forward on the road to recovery then there is a hick-up and I have to take 2 steps back. I have been good, following Doctor's orders, resting, not lifting things with my right arm, trying to keep it as still as possible. Those are the easy things, things I am able to control... it is the things that I have utterly no control over that seem to set me back....

Even the initial diagnosis of a Phyllodes tumor - being one of the rarer forms of breast cancer - was not simple because on the mammogram & ultra sound these tumors look like simple fibroid or calcium deposits. Thankfully they were odd enough looking, and the radiologist was very good at her job and biopsies were ordered (this is not always the case, often they are monitored for a year first) and they were correctly diagnosed. 2 initial surgeries, where one should have sufficed..... Clear bill of health on follow up visits and pathology reports.... 18 months later the Phyllodes Phantom strikes again.... more surgery, a more serious surgery at that, longer recovery time... and all sorts of ripple affects in my life, on all levels, family, spiritual, work, friends..... lots of ripples.

Fast forward to today.... well lets start with yesterday. I had a follow-up appointment with the plastic surgeon - where I was told that there is a small area of skin that is not healing, that is basically dying because it is too thin and that it would have to be removed - ASAP - as it could cause some major complications down the road. GREAT!!!! Just what we want to hear!
When He said ASAP he was not kidding.... in less than 24 hours after the appointment I have a surgery time so I am off in less than 30 minutes to Eagle Ridge Hospital ONCE AGAIN - so that this smaller than dime size area can be removed. I should be home for dinner although I am sure I will not feel like eating! I will still be groggy from the anesthetic I am sure. I really do not like that feeling of total surrender that comes when the knock out Doctor administers the sleeping potion. Now do not get me wrong I would NOT want to be awake during the procedure, but that total surrender - I would like to avoid it! It is the oddest sensation, and waking up from that is even yuckier! Sometimes we just do not have a choice. (Hmm, think I have control issues???? Not really, well I do not think so, well not ones that are huge. Anyways. )

So once again the things I think are going to happen, simply are not! I thought that today I would have my drain out. That I would have a little more freedom and even maybe start driving again...Not so. After the setback on Tuesday night, when I was woken up in the wee hours of the morning with severe pain at the drain site, I discovered that the tube was blocked. I was not sure what to do, but I could see what the problem was, knew that it just needed to be unblocked.. but can I do it or should I go the hospital... I so did not want to wake up Royd to drive or the girls to tell where we were going! So I took the tube and forced the blockage out (yes it was as nasty as that sounds) got the drain working again, rinsed the collection area with saline to get rid of all the nasty stuff, hoping and praying that I did not hinder the progress because the tube was now full of air bubbles... I was not sure which way those bubbles were going to travel. I was pretty sure that the drain would not come out on Wed as originally planed (I was right! Bummer!!!) The home visit nurse told me that I did the right thing! Whew! Looking back even on that little hick-up I see that God's hand is in all of this. Had the drain come out on Wed, they would have had to put another in today at the time of surgery, which could not have gone in the same area hence another area that would be used, causing pain, discomfort and be at risk for infection and other complications. I do believe that God sees ahead of us and sees the big picture - hard to keep that in perspective at times.

So although I try to plan my life, as in there is a memorial service that I really want to attend on Saturday, A birthday dinner celebration Saturday night, Thanksgiving dinner Sunday with Royd's family, Dinner with my family Monday.. I have to keep in mind that my plans may not be the best plans. That there is someone else out there that is making far better plans than I ever could. And I am all right with that - I just have to keep reminding myself of that.

Jer 29:11 has long been a life verse for me... "For I know the Plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future" Why do I forget this so often?

October is Breast Cancer awareness month....

Oh I am very aware of Breast Cancer this month as I sit on my couch.

I am aware that when you google Breast cancer there are 50,800,000 hits. That is WAY too much information.
I am aware of how your heart stops for a minute when you hear "its Breast Cancer" and how it sinks deeper when you hear "it's come back"
I am aware that I am now one of the statistics (1 in 9 Canadian women).
I am aware that you can actually feel the monster growing in your body

I am aware of the sleepless nights as you wrestle with treatment options.
There are so many options.....
I am aware of the fear as you play the "what if game"
What if it comes back AGAIN, what if surgery is not successful, what if I do not wake up......
I am aware of Doctors and medical teams that have dedicated their lives to eradicating this ugly disease.
I am aware of support groups, that are there to see you through it.
I am aware of friends, grandparents, mothers, sisters, aunts, cousins who have all been touched in some way....

I am aware of the pain and discomfort associated with surgery.
I am aware of drains, and tubes and home nurse visits. (I am thankful for the home nurse visits!)
I am aware of how people look at you differently (and how this can be in my own head)
I am more aware of my body,how it will look, how it will be different. How it will never be the same.
I am aware that the reflection in the mirror is the"NEW ME"
I am VERY aware that I am one of the "LUCKY" ones.
That Phylloides tumors account for less than 1% of all Breast Cancers.
I am aware that my prognosis is good!
That Phylloides are successfully treated with surgery. Chemo and radiation are not needed.

BUT MOST OF ALL....

I am aware that I have a large network of family and friends both old and new, who love me beyond measure, who have brought meals, sent encouraging notes, cards, email, flowers. Who have dropped my girls off, picked them up, gotten them where they need to be. People who have lifted us to God in prayer. People who have dropped things in their lives to make ours easier for this time. I am more thankful than words can say. I love you all.

Are you aware....
That Breast Cancer can be detected early by regular Mammograms
That it takes less than 5 minutes to do a self breast exam. (I found my first tumor doing a self exam!)
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do regular self exams and get your annual mammograms! It could save your life!

Sometimes you do not have to be there...

Usually when someone says "oh, you just needed to be there" when they are retelling a funny story, you truly needed to be there in the moment for the story to be funny. However there are times when I think that things are just plain funny, and being there is not so nessicary.

I light of my upcoming surgery this Wed (7:45 am - yeah God... I was hoping for an early appointment....) this is particularly funny. Or it was to those of us who were there, hopefully it is not one of those "you just needed to be there" things and it will give you a little laugh. I know it will keep me laughing when I recall it for years!

Friday night we were getting together with friends to go out for dinner... something we had been talking about for a VERY long time and under the pressure of upcoming surgery, finally made it all work. Shanna was all set to baby sit and we were looking forward to a great night with great friends. We dropped Shanna off, picked up our friends and off we went.

Discussion in the car started with "So Di where do you want to eat?" To which my dear husband states, in a most serious manner....
"We have been talking, and Di was saying that in light of surgery on Wed she wanted to go to a place that would be memorable and would hold some "special meaning" something to look back on with fondness.... "

D & B are like " Sure, ya where ever... it is up to you". I think they are expecting a nicer, higher end suggestion.....

In the meantime I am sitting in the passenger seat trying looking out the window, trying with all my might to keep a very serious expression... when I turn and say "I think we should go to HOOTERS" The car erupted in laughter and the tone was set for the rest of the evening.

We did not go to HOOTERS, mainly because we did not really want to go to Surrey from Burnaby on a Friday night at the end of rush hour. We settled on Earls and headed out. Once we were settled, drinks had been brought, we had chuckled over the HOOTERS conversation of earlier we began to order....

B orders Ribs... pretty innocuous until the waiter asks...."Is that a full rack?" Poor guy, I got the giggles, Royd gets the giggles.... B & D get the giggles, then he says... well "No one really likes a 1/2 rack. At which point I could not suppress the out and out laughter... - The whole table is laughing and the stunned waiter has no idea...

"Royd says something like... sorry, inside joke" as we continue to laugh....

I am so glad that despite the fact that I will infact be living with a 1/2 rack for a while, I am able to find the humor in situations like this. It truly makes walking this journey a whole lot more fun, and helps keep things in perspective. It just goes to prove that it is the people and the conversations that make an evening like this memorable!

A story for another day.... Busterino Pizza Whistler.... Just the name makes me smile....
Life is good! In the midst of the hard stuff - if you have friends who love you and you can still laugh the hard stuff does not seem so hard!