Better than I could say myself

I do a fair bit of blog reading these days, there are a few that I go to on a regular basis to catch up and keep up. I read blogs from a variety of sources, friends, family, business associates, & scrapbooker extraordinaire. I am often provoked to think, challenged to create and often inspired. Today was no exception.

I thought this worth passing on.... TODAY IS SIGNIFICANT . Posted by Royd's cousins wife Jen, a woman who I have come to admire and respect. Mother of 4 boys, advocate of adoption, and a woman of strong faith. Her post is worth thinking about, it would make a great scrapbook page, and it is truth! I hope you all will take a moment to check it out and think on it.

Remember that today, no matter what today holds is significant. Time is precious and perspective can truly be an interesting thing.

So excited...

Many would look upon this venture as sheer torture, I however am totally excited. I received a phone call last week from the girls band teacher asking me to consider chaperoning the SR. Band trip. 10 days with 20 - 25 grade 11 & 12 students, who would say no. I imagine that many would, however I am looking forward to this adventure.

Last year the trip to Nelson with the grade 10's was a ton of fun. It was great to see my daughter in her own element, away from home, away from family, see her in action with her friends. To see another side of her.

The fact that this trip is to Europe is a mild tug. Who am I fooling, I am one of those people who would go anywhere in this world if the ticket presented itself. And I am totally excited about the possibility of seeing the sights & sounds of London and Paris. The trip itinerary is jammed packed with all the "must see" things in both of those great cities. I am sure it will be an adventure to remember.

I have to confess that I have longed to see many of the sites of Paris since reading of Nichole's adventures in France. I am looking forward to seeing . . . . .

Better late than never...

On October 1st Stacy Julian, scrapbooking friend and mega star issued a challenge. To give yourself a present by recording one day in photo's and create a mini album. Then carry that little album around with you, or put it somewhere you will see it often, for one year, look at it and appreciate life when ever you stumble over it in your purse or drawer etc. Then one year later create a page about the experience. It sounded like a cool idea. I thought, I think I can handle a mini album 10 pictures (mine ended up being more) while I am at home resting and recuperating. I knew I had photo's to pull from. So I took Stacy up on the challenge and created a little album. I love it! It was fun to do something creative.

However I did not follow up part 2 of the challenge and send photo's of it back to Stacy or post the pictures here on my blog because, well I did not think my day rated. The day was not particularly different than any other of late, but it is not one of those cheery life is good sort of renditions. It is a fairly honest look at the things that make up life 8 days post surgery.

Then I thought - hey this IS today THIS is what LIFE looks like for me right now. In the middle of fighting Breast Cancer, having a mastectomy, resting and recovering... it may be hard, it may be painful, it may be sad - but it is what it is and it IS MY LIFE today. I do not want to forget where I am today, or what we have gone through as a family because of this - This will be important, it will be a page in the history books of my life & my family's. Despite the challenge that is this disease I KNOW that I have it pretty good, the tumor is gone, the pathology reports have come back good and there is no follow up treatment required at this time. It could be so much more challenging, ugly and hard. But it is not so it is GOOD!

Life is not guaranteed, there will be highs and lows, challenges and celebrations. Everyday is different - everyday is new - everyday is a chance to make the best of it. Everyday we wake up and have 24 hours to make choices and live the life we have been given. We can make choices that make life miserable or we can make choices that make life worth living. But we have a CHOICE..... it is ours and ours alone.

So here I am 2 weeks after creating my "PRESENT" and I am finally posting. (and I emailed Stacy with a link...challenge complete!) I realized that no matter what this will still be a very valuable exercises - because LIFE ONE YEAR later will be so very different. It may be better, it may be worse, we do not know for sure but one thing that is certain it will look a whole lot different than this day that I recorded. Let's see what the journey will bring, what adventure will follow. I am willing to travel and see what I will learn from this day forward..

Here are some pics of my Present... a photo journey of today ( well actually a 72 hour period) created October 3rd, 2008.

Drain Free... oh so free!

Drain Free

Free in deed!


Four weeks to the day after surgery and the drain has been removed. Four weeks of having this foreign object protruding from my body causing discomfort and pain, when I would walk, sit or stand, or most of all when I would try to sleep. Rolling over was not fun at all. In less than 3 minutes, one quick snip and a tug and the drain and the 3 feet of tubing that chased it is GONE! GONE! GONE! Good riddance! I will not miss it. I thought that it would be in for 2 weeks tops, but long as it was draining more than 30 ml per 24 hour period it was still doing it's job. So having it in 2 weeks longer than originally thought grew old. Today when it came out I celebrated, did a happy dance & called Royd when the nurse left today. This is a big deal.

What does this mean...

It means that the constant pain and discomfort are pretty much non-existent
It means that I can start to use my right arm again more regularly.
It means that I can leave the house and not be worried about the open area and infection
It means that my kids are not grossed out by the sight of the drain
It means that I can give a regular hug
It means that I no longer have to worry about tubes and CC' units of fluid in a 24 hour period
It means that the health nurse will not have to visit any more (I am grateful for the awesome nurses that did visit, it made life so much easier)
It means that I can have a regular bath with out worrying about getting dressings wet.
It means that my energy will begin to return
It means that I will be able to drive soon
It means I can sit & stand without fear of the tubes getting caught or pulled
It means I can walk without pulling my arm in to protect my side
It means that I can begin to move more, and begin living once again away from my couch.
It means that I for the first time in a month I can try to sleep on my right side. My favorite way to sleep.
Which means MAYBE I will get a full nights sleep and put an end to 2 or 3 hour sleeping stints and cat naps through the day.

It means FREEDOM!

It means that my body is healing! And this is a huge BLESSING!

I am truly thankful for the team of medical professionals who have been coming and caring for me. They have been professional and kind. They have taken time to answer my questions both when they were in my home or when I called on the phone. Thank you!

I am forever thankful for friends and family who have been supportive bringing meals, or coming here to cook, picking up the girls and chauffeuring them around town. For the many cards and emails, beautiful flowers, words of encouragement and most of all Prayers. I know that my little family has been blessed over and over and over. I have seen God at work through the lives of many. Thank you so very much my dear friends and family - we would not be thriving if it were not for each of you.

Tough times and Thanksgiving.... gaining perspective

This is Thanksgiving weekend in Canada - a time to celebrate family and friends. Gather together to share a meal, enjoy one another's company and reflect on things that are good. Life is not always good, there are all sorts of bumps along the way. I know that we are bumping along in our house, but this is not about those bumps, not right now not today. I had a totally different post planned for today, but this is on my heart right now this moment so...

This afternoon I attended a memorial for the daughter of a long time customer / friend of Remember Me. It was a beautiful tribute to a life cut way to short because of a malignant brain tumor. At six years old Brynne lived life to the fullest, gave it her all right up to the end, many of us adults can learn allot from a life lived like that. A life with NO regrets, a life that touched so many because she actually lived and enjoyed and embraced the moments she was given.

She danced when she heard music, not caring who was watching or where she was, she wore what she wanted not caring for color coordination or what was popular she just had to be Stylish... How many times do we as adults want to get up and dance (or para-sail or sing - karaoke or jump on a swing at the park or wear some outrageous what ever) but do not because we are all to aware of what others might think. Consumed by it to the point of it being debilitating. Life is too short to sit on the side lines and not jump in and live in the moments that are presented to us.


The service was packed, family, friends young and old filled the main sanctuary of the church to show support and love to the family and to honor and pay tribute to angel Brynne. Life is so not fair. No parent should have to say good bye to a child at any age, especially one so young. What do you say to a family in this situation - there are truly no words - Hugs and tears speak volumes at times like this, but words can sometimes fall short.

Then I remembered a customer about a year ago came in to the store just after loosing her dad with a lovely memorial bracelet. A combination of sawartsky crystal beads representing dates, and special people. So I set off to create a special memorial bracelet for Brynne's mom (beading is something I am able to do right now and I am having allot of fun with it... ) here is a glimpse of what I came up with. I hope that it will be a reminder that Brynne's life was not without purpose, and that there are people out there that want to support the family through this. Rest well angel Brynne.

Then there is my cousin-in-law Jenn and her family who are sitting by the bed of an ailing Nan.. who's time on this earth is drawing to an end. A life on the other end of the age scale, a life that was and is the glue that has held this family together for decades. When she goes who will be that glue for the family... my heart swells with sympathy, Jen , Shell & boys, my thoughts and prayers are with you. Grandparents are special links in the family chain. A long life, well lived, a soul well loved by so many, a soul who will leave a huge hole in the heart of this family. Life will most certainly look different for this family. When Nan is called home.


Then there is my dad... In hospital, because of bad choices he has made in life, a life of drinking, smoking 1000's of cancer sticks in his life time. Who knows what will happen there. This is prime example of a life that could have been so different... How is it fair that he holds on when for so many years his choices have clearly been directed to not living, when a young child with her whole future ahead of her is gone. I know that sounds cold, but it is the truth we live with in our family.

Perspective is difficult to see in situations like this. The only conclusion I can come to is that each life no matter how long or short has a specific purpose, what that is and how long that will take to fulfill are hard to know. Some of us live life full of purpose from the get go, doing what we were put here to do in a short time, others the task is more labour intensive and takes decades to complete. Then I think that for some, they search, and miss the point over and over again and are given many chances to figure it out. Stubbornness & pride stand in the way, so much so that in the end they never figure it out and life ends and little legacy is left. Life seems so unfair, and truly it is, but that does not have to be our focus, we should focus on living a well lived life, enjoying the moments we are blessed with, learning from the things that we can so that we can teach others.

I have to hold on to my faith and trust that God knows what he is doing, that is the only way these things make any sense to me. Life is here and it is ours to live. We have choices to make and we can make good ones or bad ones, but we have to make them.

I love this quote from Helen Burns
"we are all one decision away from stupid"
It makes sense.... one decision can make or break life. Think about that.

Really random.... really bugs me..

I consider myself to be a reasonable woman, most of the time.

I do not think myself as high maintenance, or high needs, I can survive with fairly simple creature comforts. I mean come on, I LOVE to camp and in a TENT! I do not loose it too often, nor do I fly off the handle easily, my feathers though not always neat and primped are rarely ruffled to the point of being crazed.

However this drives me CRAZY! And can send me into a full blown flap at times, though far less now than it used to that is for sure.

I am not sure how many times I have given the "replace the roll" lecture at my house.... Or given the demonstration in true "Stewardess" fashion, picture the beginning of every flight seat belt demonstration - no words are needed - concise ,deliberate slow movement instructions that ANYONE can follow. Apparently not EVERYONE!

This is not rocket science people - it is actually quite simple, and takes less than 20 seconds - seriously less than 20 seconds. It may take longer if one is required to actually get up to "find" the supply in storage. It is a common courtesy, that is often not even considered. The world would be a much happier place, well at least the momma in this house would be happier, and you know what they say.... "If mama is happy then EVERYONE is happy!"

Take a close look at these photos.... and you will know why it drives me crazy, there was no searching needed in either location.... no getting up even. The process could have been completed efficiently without delay. Apparently it is too much to ask.

I do not think it is unreasonable to have the TP with in reach, and more often than not I am the one that hits the bathroom when it is gone. Now if I was totally thinking clearly I would look before I sat, but no... I do not think ahead like that... And it does not seem to matter where - home, work, public restrooms, if someone is going to sit and find an empty roll it will be me. I have been the person in the public restroom stall, in true "Seinfeld" style asking for TP. I think it is the "Murphy's law of my life". Good thing I have a good sense of humor and am learning not to "sweat the small stuff."

I do realize that it is a tad bit unreasonable to let it ruffle the feathers at times, in the bigger picture of life it really is SMALL stuff and it is not that big a deal. And I am continually thankful that I NEVER have to worry about the toilet seat, it is ALWAYS down in the position it was designed to be in. For that I am grateful.

For something totally random but yet related:

Here is the "History of T.P."

there is actually a website called "Toilet paper world"

Here is to a day where our feathers do not get ruffled!

One step forward Two steps back....

Agh, nothing about this tumor, disease, monster is easy... Yes I know it could be far worse and I do keep that in mind everyday...BUT... it seems that it has not been straight forward from the beginning. It seems like I take one step forward on the road to recovery then there is a hick-up and I have to take 2 steps back. I have been good, following Doctor's orders, resting, not lifting things with my right arm, trying to keep it as still as possible. Those are the easy things, things I am able to control... it is the things that I have utterly no control over that seem to set me back....

Even the initial diagnosis of a Phyllodes tumor - being one of the rarer forms of breast cancer - was not simple because on the mammogram & ultra sound these tumors look like simple fibroid or calcium deposits. Thankfully they were odd enough looking, and the radiologist was very good at her job and biopsies were ordered (this is not always the case, often they are monitored for a year first) and they were correctly diagnosed. 2 initial surgeries, where one should have sufficed..... Clear bill of health on follow up visits and pathology reports.... 18 months later the Phyllodes Phantom strikes again.... more surgery, a more serious surgery at that, longer recovery time... and all sorts of ripple affects in my life, on all levels, family, spiritual, work, friends..... lots of ripples.

Fast forward to today.... well lets start with yesterday. I had a follow-up appointment with the plastic surgeon - where I was told that there is a small area of skin that is not healing, that is basically dying because it is too thin and that it would have to be removed - ASAP - as it could cause some major complications down the road. GREAT!!!! Just what we want to hear!
When He said ASAP he was not kidding.... in less than 24 hours after the appointment I have a surgery time so I am off in less than 30 minutes to Eagle Ridge Hospital ONCE AGAIN - so that this smaller than dime size area can be removed. I should be home for dinner although I am sure I will not feel like eating! I will still be groggy from the anesthetic I am sure. I really do not like that feeling of total surrender that comes when the knock out Doctor administers the sleeping potion. Now do not get me wrong I would NOT want to be awake during the procedure, but that total surrender - I would like to avoid it! It is the oddest sensation, and waking up from that is even yuckier! Sometimes we just do not have a choice. (Hmm, think I have control issues???? Not really, well I do not think so, well not ones that are huge. Anyways. )

So once again the things I think are going to happen, simply are not! I thought that today I would have my drain out. That I would have a little more freedom and even maybe start driving again...Not so. After the setback on Tuesday night, when I was woken up in the wee hours of the morning with severe pain at the drain site, I discovered that the tube was blocked. I was not sure what to do, but I could see what the problem was, knew that it just needed to be unblocked.. but can I do it or should I go the hospital... I so did not want to wake up Royd to drive or the girls to tell where we were going! So I took the tube and forced the blockage out (yes it was as nasty as that sounds) got the drain working again, rinsed the collection area with saline to get rid of all the nasty stuff, hoping and praying that I did not hinder the progress because the tube was now full of air bubbles... I was not sure which way those bubbles were going to travel. I was pretty sure that the drain would not come out on Wed as originally planed (I was right! Bummer!!!) The home visit nurse told me that I did the right thing! Whew! Looking back even on that little hick-up I see that God's hand is in all of this. Had the drain come out on Wed, they would have had to put another in today at the time of surgery, which could not have gone in the same area hence another area that would be used, causing pain, discomfort and be at risk for infection and other complications. I do believe that God sees ahead of us and sees the big picture - hard to keep that in perspective at times.

So although I try to plan my life, as in there is a memorial service that I really want to attend on Saturday, A birthday dinner celebration Saturday night, Thanksgiving dinner Sunday with Royd's family, Dinner with my family Monday.. I have to keep in mind that my plans may not be the best plans. That there is someone else out there that is making far better plans than I ever could. And I am all right with that - I just have to keep reminding myself of that.

Jer 29:11 has long been a life verse for me... "For I know the Plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future" Why do I forget this so often?