It can end any time...
I have truly had ENOUGH...
Before I jump into my rant, let me say, so far I am still good. My health is good and my followups have been clear. (so far!) I am thankful, grateful to be sure, but in the back of my brain it always niggles away... will it return? Once you have faced this monster I think you will always have that niggle in the back of your head.I am tired of hearing yet another person who has touched my life being attacked by this disease. New cases, some after being restored to health, others so young that they have no clue what is going on. Friends who have friends I do not know but hear about because they are dear to someone I care about. Diagnosis' , memorial services, treatment plans, questions because I have been there... It just seems like there is no end. . .
October, my new little friend Joey was diagnosed with Leukemia, he is 4 years old. His mom a long time friend lost her sister 17 years ago to the ugliness of the disease, now looking at her precious son and reliving it all again.
December - a friend sent me a Facebook message. Di... I have to come to Vancouver for tests at the cancer clinic can we get together for coffee. She stayed here, we laughed, we cried, we talked for a very long time. She now is on round 2 of chemo. Last week her great niece was diagnosed with cancer wrapped around her spine.... she is just over a year. Her Grandma, my friend dealing with her sister and granddaughter fighting 2 forms of this nasty beast. My heart breaks. My own fears are brought to the front of conscious thought.
Last night was the icing on the cake for me... As I heard a friend who had battled for a long time, had ugly treatments, been separated from her family for long periods of time, far from the comfort of home,who we thought was restored to health, has just been re-diagnosed. The ugly beast has reared it's ugly head, in a different location in her body, this time there seems to be not much they can do. It breaks my heart. She has 2 young children, has dreams to see them graduate, get married, have children, she wants grow old with her husband. She likely will never see those dreams come true. My heart screams.....
Thankfully we live in a country where treatment for said beast is available where we can visit a doctor, or a cancer clinic and receive treatment, where options are discussed and treatment plans set. At least for Cancer it is so. There is comfort in that, but sometimes not much. I long for the day we hear that a cure has been found.
For another acquaintance, living with Lyme disease this is not the case, 18 years ago we were in the same prenatal class, and she is a dear BFF to a cousin. I regularly read her blog and am humbled... her fight just to be treated here is daily is nothing compared to what I thought were my darkest days. Doctors refuse to treat this life threatening disease, she has been literally fighting for her life for years, then discovers her 2 sons also have Lyme... a disease that is said NOT to exist in Canada and doctors refuse to treat. A disease that attacks at the very core of one's being, disabling, searing pain... not only does she fight with all her might for her self, NOW she has to fight on behalf of her sons as well. It is not an easy fight....
I read their blogs & caringbridge sites, and all I can do is pray. It seems so little, yet I know that there is so much power in it that I swing from that rope regularly. I hang onto faith - grateful that these friends share that same faith, that they tap into this source of hope and power. Still feeling that it is so little to do, yet it is all important that I do. It is in that faith that there is hope.. hope that cures will be found, systems will be changed, lives will be restored.
Last night I simply prayed ENOUGH ALREADY because no other words were needed to express what my heart was feeling.
Each of these stories have touched my heart deeply, reminding me that our stories, weather good or bad, happy or sad are just that our stories and they need to be told. Need to be shared because those stories are part of my story. Their lives touch and will continue to touch mine, I learn from them, I am humbled by them, I am in awe of God's grace and the strength that each possess in the midst of difficulty. These stories, interlocked, entwinded into my life, my STORY.
If you wish to join me, there is never enough people petitioning the throne of God... here are their stories. Each of them would covet your prayers. If you read them, I am sure their stories will touch your lives, entwine with your own story as we all are touched far too often by cancer.
I will continue to pray because I firmly believe that through Prayer all things are possible and it is truly ENOUGH ALREADY!