It is that time of year again, when the outside world tries to enter my warm happy inside world. Not going to happen!
Dear Mr. Spider:
This is not your home. You are not welcome to visit or invade our personal space. We do not find it funny when you dangle in front of our faces. Neither is it humorous when you "jump" out from your hiding places and make us scream and scurry. This is our home, not yours.
I am sorry to have to evict you from the premises, you have not been a good tenant. You continually disrupt the peace, you meddle in our stuff, and make your bed in the oddest most hard to get at places that simply put, get in our way.
It is not our intention to disrupt your home each day when we exit each day. BUT your invisible threads across my face, neck and even in my mouth is unacceptable & unwelcome. I might also add a little gross.
We have tried a relocation project, found you a very nice tree far enough away that you should have been comfortable - you seem to have returned, or sent your relatives in protest. So we are sorry, at this point in time we have no choice..... You have to go, we wish it did not have to come to this, but enough is enough. We hope not to see you on our stoop ever again.