Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Time to get back on the wagon...the blogging wagon that is!

Back on the wagon, and I am going to try to post more regularly.

We will see what happens, but that is my intention.

It has been so very long since I have taken the time to blog, not that I have not thougth about it. There are even 2 "Drafts" sitting in my posting box, thougths that never got completed and there fore did not get posted. (Maybe one day I will return to them...) To those of you who know me and have been on the receiving end of "snail mail" back in the day of popularity this is not a surprise (Lisa!). Multiple letters in a variety of forms, started, finished from months (years) before arriving in a large package all at once and having to try to figure out how the peices fit together... anyways I think you get the picture. I love to write, I am not so good at getting the finished project out there. Even in this age of electronic ease. It is time, so here we go.

Life is full of changes, twists and turns and forks in the road, moments when you know that the decision I make right now is going to affect my future. How we react to the twists and turns along the way most certainly affect us down the road. We ALWAYS have a choice, we can grumble and complain about the tough stuff, or we can look at it and DECIDE to make the most of it. The road has been twisting and turning that is for sure. But I will learn and make the most of each situation and learn and grow. It is all part of the journey. I am inspired to write to let you know the twists and turns as they come, instead of months later looking in the rear view mirror.

We have just returned from 10 days of holidays. Of those 10 days we spent 4 great days Creation Fest Northwest. Where I heard this great analogy about life and looking forward and living in the present.

Picture yourself sitting in the driver's seat of an amazing car... You look forward through the front windshield, and you check your makeup in the little rear view mirror. The rear view mirror is considerably smaller than the windshield. The mirror is a good place check, to look back & gain perspective & to see where you have been. However if you try to drive the car by only looking back you will surely crash. (It is a natural reaction to pull to one side)

In life, just like when driving a car, we need to focus on what is in front of us, to spend our time in the present, looking forward - It is important that we recognize & acknowledge where we have come from, it certainly makes us who we are today, however we can not LIVE in the past, hoping and wishing that things would be that way again. Life changes, time passes, we have to look ahead and try to figure out how to learn and grow from our past and make us better people for our today.

I have been giving allot of thought to things like this over these past few months.....

A friend attempts suicide, I spend hours and hours just listening, walking, just being there. Praying. The whole time I am thinking, I am not qualified, I do not know how to help, I am in over my head. I learn I can help simply by being available, and by listening.

Teryn & Royd go to a concert one Friday night, and the floor in front of the stage collapses. An estimated 40 kids fall through the floor into the basement. Teryn and 2 friends fall through. A few weeks of school are missed due to a minor concussion, and post traumatic stress issues. Minor when you think of what could have been ! It could have been A WHOLE LOT WORSE. There were 100's of kids there, nothing was in the basement below them, it was a "clean" fall, it was only a small area of floor... kids remained fairly calm!

I go for my routine mammogram in May and it shows another tumor in my right breast. Here we go again! 13 Months after the first surgery where the surgeon thougth she got it all, the margins were clear here we are again - facing surgery, facing cancer, facing the removal of my right breast, facing recovery, facing we do not know what.
What I do know for certain is that I could choose to mope and feel sorry for my self, ooh poor me I have breast cancer, but WHY there is nothing I can do about it - it is what it is - I can not change this... HOWEVER I can control my reaction...I can choose to be a voice, to remind family and friends to get a regular mammogram, to do self exams at home, I can choose to learn and grow & help others. Why me, I do not have the answer to that however I am not questioning it at all. It is what it is - there are some things we do not know and there are some things we know..

It is a rare type (Phelloydes Tumors account for less than 1% of all breast cancers world wide.
It is not life threatening
It grows fast
It does not spread often
It has a high rate of re-occurrence
It does not respond to Chemo-therapy or radiation
Success rate of surgery is VERY HIGH

The other thing I know with out a shadow of a doubt is that God knows what is going on and he will give me what I need to deal with the whole thing. It is all o.k. it is being taken care of.

In light of the 2nd Cancer diagnosis we have closed Remember Me after almost 11 years, we are done. A very tough decision, however I know hat it was the right decision FOR SURE.

All of these were fairly major twists and turns in a fairly short period of time, we chose to face them head on, learn and grow. The responsibility now is to use the lessons learned to aid others. To keep my focus on the road ahead not the road already travelled. No matter what the twists are or how many of them there are, in each and everyone of them I have a choice! I can either grumble and be unhappy about it or I can CHOOSE to find the good, to enjoy the moment for what it is, to simply live in the present and not look back.

I found this amazing Youtube video called "The Last Lecture" well worth the hour plus to watch. I was challenged, I was encouraged and I was totally inspired by Randy Pausch and his "Achieving your Childhood Dreams" lecture. Watch it and let me know your first reaction....

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